DH has been taking a hair loss drug without telling me

[Delia33]

My DH told me this evening that he's been taking finasteride for three months. We've been TTC for a year and I've had 2 MC. These were before he started taking it (I think.)

Aibu to think he should have told me about this? From the limited research I've done online it looks like this drug can affect sperm quality.

I feel totally blindsided but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

YABU

Why? Genuinely.. I feel like he should have told me.

Fgs, get off his case. He's allowed to make decisions about his body.

Did he have decreased fertility before he started on the finasteride?

We have struggled to conceive, yes.

Doesn't matter, it's his body!! Controlling behaviour much??

I know he is, but from what I've read this drug can cause issues with fertility.

Coercive control includes wanting to make decisions about your partner's body. It's disgusting.

Anyone watch "Educating Rita"? Where she takes the pill in secret? Anyone siding with her OH? Thought not.

Yabu

Do you think your dp would want to affect your efforts to TTC?

Why do we assume it's easier for men to lose their hair than women?

Talk to your GP if you are worried but it's unlikely that it would have any statistically significant effect whatsoever. Hopefully they could reassure you.

Sorry about the MC. Good luck for the future. I've been there and I certainly went crazy TTC after several mc. But I did, DD is 8 and so much of that TTC nightmare has faded.

I totally understand your upset and not knowing, I’d be shocked if my partner didn’t tell me something about his health, especially if it had the potential to affect something for us both like ttc

Yes he should have told you. You shouldn’t be trying to conceive while he’s on it. The NHS says as much-you should use condoms, which obviously are not helpful when trying to conceive.

@Cherchezlafemme77

How old are you?

FFS taking drugs that can affect fertility & have possible consequences for a baby need to be discussed. Yes it's his body, but it's their fertility/baby. She should be given the choice whether she wants unprotected sex while he's taking drugs.

I kind of agree with OP. It's not that she thinks he should or must tell her....its just odd that he didn't. Its notjust about the medical side of things, it's not knowing he was so concerned about his hair loss too. I'd question how well I really knew someone.

You are overreacting.... hugely.

There isn't a baby. There are two people who both have bodily autonomy.

But does he have decreased fertility? As in its his sperms that is the problem? You have been pregnsnt twice in 9 months. (Sorry about the miscarriages. x)

Hmmm . . . did he know it can cause issues with fertility? If he did, I think he should probably have talked to you about it, but if not, then he didn't really have any reason to and maybe felt shy about it.

I feel like a general rule of thumb is, if you do something that you know will have an impact on your partner or relationship somehow, then you should discuss it. If there's no impact and it's something you'd rather keep private, then you're entitled to keep it to yourself.

Sounds like he thought the latter was the case?

He should have told you, yes it's his body and he can do what he likes with it. But, you are trying to conceive TOGETHER and this is information which materially affects that.

You can't stop him taking it but you should know so you can make an informed decision about your next steps.

I’d be annoyed. Presumably OP is putting a lot of effort into TTC, I assume ovulation testing, cycle tracking etc. Plus the emotional toll.

So yes it would be distressing to find out that he is doing something that could be actively hindering it.

He wants to prevent losing his hair. I get that. I just wish he would have told me he was taking this particular drug.

Could everyone having a go at the OP please read this. https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/finasteride/

I mean. I would say his body, his choice etc. But reading up on it I’d say YANBU as it does affect you and your attempt to conceive.

i think YABU.

Perhaps you and your partner are not on the same TTC page?
I would assume it's more likely to be that he had no idea of the effects which is why I think you are overreacting.
I highly doubt it was a malicious choice to not tell you.