DH has been taking a hair loss drug without telling me

[Delia33]

My DH told me this evening that he's been taking finasteride for three months. We've been TTC for a year and I've had 2 MC. These were before he started taking it (I think.)

Aibu to think he should have told me about this? From the limited research I've done online it looks like this drug can affect sperm quality.

I feel totally blindsided but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

At first I thought YABU. But after reading your updates, YANBU.

Would he be receptive to switching to Minoxidil for the duration of trying to conceive?

I don't think he is on the same page as you then unfortunately.

I would struggle to want to continue ttc with him if he knew op.

Has he said why he disregarded the info and decided to hide it from you?
Why has he mentioned it now?
Lots of questions to be answered.

Sounds like he's rather have hair than a baby. So would a lot of men.

I am someone who was affected by my mother taking diethylstilbistrol when she was pregnant with me. It was a synthetic oestrogen to prevent miscarriage but it caused cancer and infertility in female foetuses.

It's unforgivable that he didn't tell you he's taking a drug which can no only harm his fertility but affect any foetus you conceive.

There are lots and lots of drugs that you are told not take whilst ttc or whilst pregnant but it’s because it’s not ethical to test. A lot of these drugs are still prescribed to pregnant women and the guidelines can continually change.

He does have body autonomy and that overrides the OP’s desire to ttc. I think you are both better off speaking to a doctor about the potential genuine risks and for him to ensure he gets a legit prescription.

Yanbu, not sure why people are jumping on you, anything that could affect ttc and the health of a baby you are trying for should be discussed. I’d say that on both sides. Ill I could do is assume he didn’t think the 2 went together. I didn’t get the impression op was was controlling her partners decisions to take hairloss medication, but rather the danger of doing so while actively ttc. Would others be ok if the woman was taking skin or hair pills that are knowin to have a possible effect on the health of an unborn baby?

I think he should of told you

The fact that he said he did extensive research on it seems to me like he was worried about it but I find that a bit odd that he didn’t tell you especially as he knew their were risks hence researching about it.

I know nothing about you or your DP but I just wonder if he didn’t tell you because he knew you’d get upset with him and would tell him not too. Which by the way I probably would do if me and DH were having fertility struggles and there was a risk to fertility or unborn baby.

I think people are missing the point a bit here, you’re not controlling what he does to his body. It’s the fact that it can affect your baby and your chances of conceiving so you 100% should have a say

I wish people would read context before commenting.

Finasteride and TTC is as serious as someone on Roaccutane getting pregnant.

I think if he knowingly took the drug and understood the pregnancy and fertility repercussions then YANBU but if he didn’t realise then perhaps it’s a wider discussion as a couple.

He probably didn’t go to the GP. You can get these over the counter from boots like Viagra etc

I'd want to know ... and would stop ttc ... if my partner was taking something that could damage the health of my unborn child (fetal abnormalities) or cause miscarriages (traumatic).

I don't think that's unreasonable at all

Where is the evidence that it affects babies and causes miscarriages?

Jesus Christ @Delia33 What is wrong with people! Of course he should have told you. You're trying to conceive as a couple not single handed and therefore need to be open with each other. Maybe he didn't realise it can affect fertility, but you are a couple and the well-being of the other is important.

It's not about controlling him or him having autonomy over his body, it's about communicating decisions which affect the other.

YANBU - he should have told you. I would be really upset if my partner did this to me.

id be fucking furious OP.

Raging angry.

Of course he absolutely should have told you. It is very clear from the NHS website and a 2 second google can show you it isn’t recommended to take this whilst TTC.

Nothing wrong with him wanting to take it, nothing wrong with him keeping it to himself if you weren’t trying to conceive.

I don’t know that I’d be able to move past this to be honest, it’s a complete disregard for your welfare both physically and mentally.

Fucking disgusting to watch your partner go through two miscarriages whilst doing this (or to do it after). Unforgivable.

Yes, and?

Perhaps he's less keen than you on having a baby.

Perhaps he didn’t even consider it could affect fertility (he maybe though hair is not like sperm or not even made a connection!)

Now you know , maybe check with a dr if it could be an issue and he can stop taking it if it is x

RTFT 🙄

YANBU. I'm really shocked that some people think you are. Yes of course it's his body, his choice, but it's the abnormalities it can cause to a foetus that I think makes his behaviour shocking and irresponsible. It's not the child's choice to have birth defects because their father was worried about hair loss. I don't think he should be a father if he isn't prepared to put his potential unborn child first. He can take it once you are pregnant - all he had to do was wait. My OH took this drug previously. We were ttc for nearly 2 years and he stopped taking it the entire time because he is not a total d!ck.

@Haywirecity

www.nhs.uk/medicines/finasteride/

•	This medicine gets into semen and can harm an unborn baby. Use a condom when having sex if your partner is pregnant or could get pregnant.
•	If you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant, do not touch crushed or broken finasteride tablets. If the tablets are broken, the medicine can pass through your skin and can harm your baby.

FFS

Here: https://www.oxfordonlinepharmacy.co.uk/blog/why-you-must-stop-using-finasteride-when-trying-to-conceive

Is he embarrassed because you might think he is vain?

I’m sorry for your losses.

In answer to your question, YANBU. They’re really potent drugs, not worth taking the risk when TTC. He should have told you so that you were fully informed.

For what it’s worth, my DP stopped the hair loss meds when we were TTC, started again when we had (we also suffered a miscarriage before having our first) , then stopped when we were TTC DC2. This was his choice as he prioritised us having a baby over preventing his hair loss. I think you need to discuss the implications with your husband, maybe he doesn’t realise the risks involved?