DH has been taking a hair loss drug without telling me

[Delia33]

My DH told me this evening that he's been taking finasteride for three months. We've been TTC for a year and I've had 2 MC. These were before he started taking it (I think.)

Aibu to think he should have told me about this? From the limited research I've done online it looks like this drug can affect sperm quality.

I feel totally blindsided but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

He knew everything. He said he did extensive research on it before taking jt.

The evidence on this isn't great, though. A study showed that men on finasteride had a 1 in a 100 chance of producing a baby with birth defects. Which is in fact the same number as a man not taking finasteride. So hardly conclusive of anything.

Well that seems fairly clear cut .I withdraw my previous comment - he should have told you.

Still his body and his choice. No one's having a go. They're saying exactly what they would say if OP exercised her bodily autonomy. Maybe he didn't know.

Quoted the wrong post. Sorry for that.

Definitely should have told.you if you're trying to conceive. The drug can have serious side effects.

He'd have been told by his doctor.

I appreciate that, thank you. I also accept that I may be going crazy due to my miscarriages. That's why I posted on here.

I've done everything I can to make myself healthy and improve our chances of conceiving. This just feels like a kick in the face (yes, I'm probably being dramatic.)

YANBU, OP.

The people telling you otherwise probably haven't had any fertility issues.

I think taking a drug that increases the risk to your partner of recurrent miscarriages, emotional distress at her 'failure to get pregnant' or potebtially having to carry a child at increased risk of harm and disability without telling her about the risk she is taking falls into that category... don't you?

Or is it only men who are allowed to have bodily autonomy?

You need to ask yourself why he didn't tell you

He should have told you. I can't believe that people are making you out to be some kind of controlling horror! It's not that you'd have said 'stop taking that now'; it's more like just keeping you in the loop, especially when it could affect you.

That was 1983 ffs!

No it’s not unreasonable. This particular drug can cause fetal abnormalities in a male fetus

Jesus I'd be majorly fucked off OP and I'd make sure he knew it. Says in black and white not to attempt to conceive whilst on it. Selfish vain prick stringing you along whilst TTC and you going through miscarriages and whose to say they weren't as a result of him being on this drug?

He also bought it online. To be fair to him it's from a well known site, but still, he hasn't spoken to a doctor about it.

I’m sure the PP saying ‘his body his choice’ would also say the same to a potential father on here annoyed/worried that their partner was smoking/drinking/taking drugs while pregnant?

if your DP knew the risks and still decided to take the pills… you know what type of man he is. Rather put vanity before the health of his child.

This thread is batshit.

ex took this drug to prevent hair loss and the person prescribing it told him to make sure he didn’t have unprotected sex or try for a baby whilst he was on the drug.

he can do whatever he wants to his body. He needs to tell his sexual partner the risks he is putting her and her unborn potential baby at, so OP can make an informed decision about her body.

Yes it’s his body his choice.

so all he says is I want to take this hair loss drug, we need to stop TTC.

taking the drug and continuing to ttc without telling his partner or getting medical advice affects her body and her choice as well. She should be allowed to make the decision whether to risk putting her body through ttc and pregnancy if there is a risk the drug will affect that.

YANBU OP and ignore people that are saying you are. Yes it’s his body his choice but this drug affects babies and you were trying to conceive. It would really make me question his decisions around TTC and how much he cares about you. Miscarriages are extremely traumatic and he could have taken steps to increase that risks without giving you all the information. If he wants to stop baldness fine but he needs to be responsible about the risks.

Of course he should have told you. He may be entitled to do what he likes with his body, but not with yours. His actions could have caused serious harm to you.

@frazzledasarock
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he can do whatever he wants to his body. He needs to tell his sexual partner the risks he is putting her and her unborn potential baby at, so OP can make an informed decision about her body.*

He didn't though and that's the whole point of this thread. He was knowingly engaging in TTC with the OP all the time taking a drug which very specifically says not to

Yes of course he should have told you. Ignore the Saturday night MRA crew.

And the advice from US based websites seems to green light the use of Finasteride (for a man) when trying to conceive.

I used to take Finasteride by private prescription back in the day for the same reason (am female). I don't know if things have changed since then, but at that time the NHS wouldn't prescribe finasteride to women because the evidence for its efficacy as a treatment for pattern baldness wasn't really there and 2) because of the potentially feminising effects on a male foetus if taken by a woman.

As somewhat surprised to see the dire warnings regarding MEN taking Finasteride on UK websites. At the time I was taking it, I think men were only cautioned about it possibly causing gynecomastia and erectile dysfunction.

@febrezeme yes that’s my point. He should have told OP. All the initial responses on the thread are ridiculous