DH has been taking a hair loss drug without telling me

[Delia33]

My DH told me this evening that he's been taking finasteride for three months. We've been TTC for a year and I've had 2 MC. These were before he started taking it (I think.)

Aibu to think he should have told me about this? From the limited research I've done online it looks like this drug can affect sperm quality.

I feel totally blindsided but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

Side effects or not, trying to conceive or not, it seems kind of odd to keep information like taking a prescription drug regularly from your partner, right?

Do you really want to conceive a child with someone this selfish OP? I mean, he said he was aware of the risks and he's seen you go through two miscarriages. Sorry to be blunt but these are red flags

YANBU. At all. It's not about you controlling his body, it's him interfering with your supposed joint plans for a child.

I'll see if I can find it. It was within another report and I can't remember what that was.

I'm afraid I would struggle with realising that my OH was more worried about hair loss than about having children (or potentially having a child with birth defects caused by this particular drug).

If you weren't TTC, then he can do what he likes with his hair without answering to anyone. But the fact that you are TTC makes it very different.

You have absolutely every right to be upset about this. That NHS page is down right scary for the risks he’s been putting you through

Literally everyone in the thread above you has sided with her OH.

Of course YANBU, OP. You are TTC and he's taking a medication that could cause harm to an unborn baby. Is he aware of that side effect? I really hope he wasn't, as if he knew that he was taking a medication that could affect a fetus and failed to tell you, that would be a dealbreaker for me. If he doesn't want to TTC/values his hairline more than having a baby, then he needs to say something.

@LuckySantangelo35

It is vain if he is prioritising that over potential miscarriage inducing / abnormalities In a baby consequences

My DH was on this and we purposely didn't try until he was off it because of the risks. I would say YNBU

He is trying to conceive a child with her against medical advice that could effect her body, life and mental health (miscarraige and health risks) based on lies HE is choosing to tell.

He doesn't get to keep this important information that effects her right to make informed bodily choice from her.

She is NOT in the wrong.

I’ve only read the first few pages but just adding my voice to say it’s ridiculous that anyone has said that you are being unreasonable.

Of course he should have told you.

My husband is a doctor and uses this drug as part of his practice. He also took it personally for hair loss. At work female nurses wear gloves and are exceptionally careful when handling it. He stopped taking it 6 months before we started TTC just to be cautious and made sure to put them away in a box that wouldn’t be anywhere near areas that I touch whilst we were TTC and I was pregnant.

YANBU finasteride is veeeeery harmful if you were to fall pregnant and your unborn baby come into contact with it via his sperm. Although would be very small amounts it’s a category X drug for pregnancy as causes severe birth defects! Really understand your feelings ❤️ DH probably didn’t make the link at all!

Sorry for your losses OP.

Yes it’s his body, his choice but you were both on board for trying for a baby and for this reason he should have told you. My DH was on the same thing for years, it worked as for him but it took about 3 years for us to conceive. I thought it was me till he had his swimmers tested and the result was low sperm count. Not sure if this was due to Finasteride but considering all of the other side effects it’s possible.

Presumably he just didn't realise it could affect his sperm/fertility? It's an honest mistake. Is he going to stop it now is the main thing? Do some research and see if you need to wait a little while to continue - hopefully not.

My dh didn't use shampoo for thinning hair when we were ttc (had lots of ivf and recurrent miscarriages) as luckily he realised he wasn't meant to. It was actually quite sweet as he didn't mention it until about 4 1/2 years in to ttc that he'd wanted to but didn't.

Sorry, just read all your posts. So he researched it and decided it's fine, but you've researched it and don't think it is. Can you sit down and compare research and come to a joint decision?

My DH stopped taking it once we found out about low sperm count. I got pregnant and baby is now 9 years old and fine.

does he know that it can cause birth defects in unborn children?

I feel its odd you don't know but also don't think he necessarily had to tell you. Knowing nothing of the relationship is it possible he felt being bald could drive you away?

M

@Clymene I can't find the original article but this is taken from the US govt website NIH, written in 2022. Its a handout sheet to mothers.

The first response is for women taking the drug. And it's huge amounts that they're giving to animals.
The second response is about men taking the drug. And ots documented elsewhere that men with normal fertility rates are not affected by the drug. But it may be that a,small number of those men who have fertility issues might be affected in some way.

I'm not posting anything to defend the ops husband who I do think should have told her about taking this drug because of her naturally anxious state about pregnancy. I'm posting the information because posters can get quite worked up without knowing all the fact, and I don't think that can be helpful for the ops state of mind.

Does taking finasteride increase the chance of birth defects? (when women take it)
Every pregnancy starts out with a 3-5% chance of having a birth defect. This is called the background risk. Studies have not been done in humans to see if finasteride increases the chance for birth defects above the background risk.

Animal studies have suggested that exposure to large doses of finasteride when the fetal sex organs are developing (8 to 12 weeks of pregnancy) could increase the chance for some birth defects of the sex organs in a male fetus. The animal studies have reported hypospadias (when the opening of the penis is on the underside of the penis instead of at the tip), a shorter distance from the anus to the genitals (anogenital distance), and lower weight of the prostate and seminal vesicles (glands that help make semen).

If a male takes finasteride, could it affect fertility (ability to get partner pregnant) or increase the chance of birth defects in a partner’s pregnancy?
Problems with sexual function have been reported in males taking finasteride. Some small differences have been seen in the semen of males who take finasteride, such as low sperm counts. Sperm levels improved when the medication was stopped.

A study in rats did not show an increased chance for birth defects in the offspring of female rats who had mated with male rats given finasteride.

There has been concerns about an increased chance of birth defects involving the sex organs of male babies if a male and female had unprotected sex during the critical time in pregnancy when the sex organs are developing (8 to 12 weeks of pregnancy). However, the amount of finasteride found in semen is small. If fetal exposure to the drug is only through semen with vaginal sex, the amount of finasteride in semen is not expected to be enough to cause a problem for the developing baby.^ There are case reports of pregnancies with documented paternal exposure to finasteride either before or during pregnancy that resulted in the birth of full-term infants without reported birth defects. In general, exposures that fathers or sperm donors have are unlikely to increase the risks to a pregnancy. For more information, please see the MotherToBaby fact sheet Paternal Exposures at mothertobaby.org/fact-sheets/paternal-exposures-pregnancy/.^

He shouldn't be getting someone pregnant though, if he's been taking drugs that will affect the quality of the sperm.

From the NHS website:

This medicine gets into semen and can harm an unborn baby. Use a condom when having sex if your partner is pregnant or could get pregnant.

And you don't think the op has any right to have this information and decide if she's comfortable taking the risk herself?

YANBU. Finasteride is not safe to take when TTC. If you’re both TTC you should both be conscious of what you’re taking.

Yes he should have told you, the fact that he researched it so wasn't ignorant to the risk is even worse in my opinion. He knew and decided not to tell you, that's extremely selfish.