DH has been taking a hair loss drug without telling me

[Delia33]

My DH told me this evening that he's been taking finasteride for three months. We've been TTC for a year and I've had 2 MC. These were before he started taking it (I think.)

Aibu to think he should have told me about this? From the limited research I've done online it looks like this drug can affect sperm quality.

I feel totally blindsided but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

Yanbu. He should have told you

I think it’s pretty unlikely it’s had a significant impact. Hair loss is a sensitive topic and ultimately what he does with his body is up to him and he probably just didn’t think about it, so go easy, but fine to suggest that perhaps you both speak to your GP and review. But if he chooses to stay on it, that is his choice.

I have read the full thread and posted on it. If you're talking about the nhs website, well, as I've said, it's from a study that showed that 1% of men on finasteride fathered a baby with birth defects which is the same percentage as men not taking finasteride. So, again, what is your evidence that finasteride causes birth defects and miscarriages?

I would say that it’s not so much that it will affect your attempts to conceive that is the issue. I’d be really upset that he was putting potential babies at risk.

• NHS - This medicine gets into semen and can harm an unborn baby. Use a condom when having sex if your partner is pregnant or could get pregnant.

Jeez calm down, she never said she is trying to co tell him, she means she should be aware of what he is taking so they know what potential impacts it has for TTC.

Your comment is disgusting and the typical nasty herd mentality on mumsnet.

I think you're on to something! He doesn't want a baby and has no idea how to make that not happen. So he fakes a receding hairline so he can take a drug that makes TTC dangerous! Genius! You must be so proud to be a man.

So the nhs is making it up @Haywirecity?

In any event, the question is - should you tell your partner if you're taking a potentially teratogenic drug when you're TTC?

Obviously the answer is yes.

Of course, the nhs isn't making anything up. The study exists. The nhs doesn't want to be sued. But if the study is put next to the level of risk of men not taking finisteride, the risk is the same.

I researched this extensively a while back and couldn't find any persuasive evidence that Finasteride has a materially negative impact on a developing foetus. I think there is some evidence that it can increase fertility issues in men who already have low sperm counts. It's definitely not in the same risk bracket as taking Roaccutane. Men in the US in particular have been taking Finasteride and conceiving children for years.

However in OP's circumstance I would still have wanted my DH to tell me he'd started taking it, as I think it needs to be a shared risk based decision when trying to conceive.

@febrezeme

get a grip it’s not vain to not want to lose your hair!

You need to have a proper talk with him. Did he know about the potential side effects? If he did, then you have a serious problem between you. If he didn't, then he's been a chump, and I would be a bit hurt if DH was taking any drug without telling me, because I would like to think he would confide in me if he was feeling that insecure about his hair or anything else. I'm sorry you've had some spiteful responses, there's no need for it.

YANBU. Ttc is an exhausting process and if it ends up going down the medical route, it'll be you doing most of the hard graft. I don't blame you for being annoyed OP

@Crampo

so would a lot of women!

Nice sidestep of the main point @Haywirecity

And yes, I agree he should have told her. But I'm just pointing out, and hoping to make the op feel a bit reassured, that the outcome of him taking it is highly unlikely to have added to their fertility problems or to have caused their miscarriages.

Looking at the information online the side effects related to reproduction are around lack of libido and ability to maintain an erection rather than any impact on sperm quality, volume or motility.

If he has been experiencing sexual disfunction which is impacting your ability to TTC then I would understand your concern and frustration, if not then this is a personal decision on his part until it becomes something that impacts you both.

Having said that this particular medication can be dangerous to women and embryos in pregnancy so you do need to have a conversation about how he stores the pills and ensure that you don't come into contact with them.

Advise is that even touching a broken pill during pregnancy can be bad and you are actively TTC.

This.

If you knew something could have an adverse impact and you cared about your wife and TTC you’d tell her whether it was a 1% chance or less. Especially if she’d already had miscarriages.

I have been in this situation with my DH and another type of drug and he was extremely careful. The consultant at the time made it clear I should know. This is not about the drug this is about sharing information with your partner, just in the same way if you had a STD. When you are sharing bodily fluids there are certain responsibilities you have to the other person as it then is surely - their body, their choice!

Having read the nhs page on this medicine, I would be absolutely livid if my dh was taking this whilst actively trying to conceive & didn't tell me.

It's really clear about the negative impact on conceiving a baby whilst on this medication & I'm concerned that he has been doing this behind your back putting any possible baby you conceive at risk of harm.

@Clymene Cross posted. I posted too soon after my first point so came back to answer your second.

I'm with you, OP, and I think you've been very unlucky with the first few answers.

If you both say you want a baby and one of you secretly goes off and starts taking a drug that can negatively affect fertility then yes, that's quite a big deal and you need to sit down and have a serious talk about it. It's not coercive control to ask why he did it and ask him to suspend things for a while. The fact that he hid it from you does indicate that he knew it wouldn't aid conception and I'd be annoyed in the circumstances.

Reading this makes my blood boil on your behalf OP. Was it not aware of this? It is a prescription drug? If it is and it has those side effects, surely he would have been warned about the dangers of ttc whilst taking it.

Sorry x-posted back!

And do you have the study @Haywirecity?

When you actually look at the research though the evidence is far from conclusive
the NHS HAVE to err on the side of caution. Like when they say that pregnant women should drink ZERO alcohol

But not, about the foetus he's trying to conceive against medical advice.

https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/finasteride/

• "Finasteride is not suitable for some people. To make sure this medicine is safe for you, tell a doctor if you:
• are trying for a baby or have a pregnant partner – this medicine passes into semen and can affect an unborn baby