Is my mate a pretentious twat or am I horribly jealous

[Thinkmymateisanob]

Very tongue in cheek but kind of not 👀

Me and my friend have been mates since childhood. Over 25 years, the rough with the smooth, through children/divorces/careers etc etc

Financially our lives are the complete opposite. It’s not an issue, she’s usually quite frugal but likes to spend money on experiences rather than things so if we go out to dinner and she chooses the restaurant she will pay. But next time I will pay and choose a restaurant I can afford. It works out well.

She goes on holiday 3 times a year with her family, abroad long haul and 3/4 short haul trips to Europe with various teens.

I haven’t been abroad for years. Not even France.

I live vicariously through her and she brings me lovely presents and sends nice pics.

Anyway - she’s just taken a teen abroad for a short holiday in Europe. All I’ve heard about is how awful her flights were as she had to fly economy as the planes got switched last minute. How awful it all was, how does anyone fly like this, she’s never flying economy again, she’s dreading the flight home.

I want to message her and say you’re being a twat, people have probably saved for months for those flights - pull your head out of your arse

She’s never usually like this. So I will forgive her but I’m just feeling unusually annoyed with her

She won’t read this because she hates social media and doesn’t use MN.

But just in case she does - I love you really M 👀

Flying economy IS horrible.

I imagine you can be annoying at times, too. Most of us are, even if we don't see it at the time.

If she's a good friend, just shake your head, make some sympathetic noises, and forget about it.

It's incredibly tone deaf.

It's twatty to say 'how does anyone travel like this!' When millions of people do. And clearly survive.

It’s a human right to complain no matter what class you fly. To expect others to moderate their language because they can afford stuff others can’t afford is too snowflakey. So richer people have to be quieter and no complaining to friends?
Get a thicker skin. Life is full of stuff you can’t afford. You can’t regulate people expressing themselves because you would love to go anywhere, even economy, even just to France. I really think it’s more envy jealousy and you need to book a holiday somewhere yourself. Jealousy’s a great emotion. It says more about you than her. Own it. Book a trip somewhere if you can.

I meant to say I agree with you @pukepoint3

I think she sounds very unaware and not tactful to whinge about that kind of thing. It's not unreasonable that she feels annoyed but you're not the right person to complain to. I would find it so hard to be sympathetic even though she does have a point and I wouldn't think of her as snobby as such.

Likewise, I try not to complain about my kids to my friends who don't have kids (but would have loved them)!

Though maybe she was trying not to boast about her wonderful holidays and is trying to highlight the problems/

In either case, I wouldn't hold it against her if she's decent friend. We don't always say the right thing and unless she did it all the time, I'd forget it.

She had a shit experience and expressed it in commonly used terms to her close friend who she’s shared her life with for decades. A friend that, up until now, has enjoyed living vicariously through her and not expected her to pay lip service to acknowledging her privilege.

No one said you can’t like economy, but you can’t deny that many people find it to be shit. Someone who has paid to fly premium and not got what they paid for is probably more likely to be pissed off at the experience.

The flights/airlines your talking about are package companies or charters, if you look at British airways, virgin, Air France, Finnair, TAP, Iberia - main scheduled airlines they have premium classes called business class or something similar

How is it weird when you’ve paid to fly premium? She’s moaning because she hasn’t received what she paid for, which is entirely normal tbh.

Indeed whump.

Yes, know your audience but this is her mate. Most folk sound off to their mates.

Thankfully most do not come on MN to get their mate a proper slating.

I haven’t even been to feckin France this century and I would have let her whinge a bit.

Somewhat off topic but who are the various teens?

When we were bumped due we still had all the perks we should have had apart from the seats. And a full refund for the difference.

Well flying economy is awful so I'm not surprised she wanted a moan. I'm sure she knows she's lucky to be able to travel though. I'd rather not fly long haul at all unless I can find a really cheap upgrade. It's just too unpleasant. Doesn't mean I'm privileged or an arsehole. Just means I value not being cramped and stressed in noisy, close quarters to other people. I'd rather get a train to France or Spain or at least endure a much shorter economy flight.

If you can't have a little whinge to your friends who can you moan to? Do you really want this long standing friend to feel she has to tread on eggshells around you?

Maybe you are a tiny bit jealous, but that's totally understandable too. It's hard when other people have stuff you don't.

I think it's an insensitive comment to make to someone who wud love to be able to afford to.go.pn holiday that much.

If it's a European destination tell her to take the train next time and do her bit for the climate emergency. That might stop the complaints 😔

When people have more than you, fine. When they complain about it, it can be annoying! She probably didn’t intend to upset you,she was just having a moan. It struck a nerve with you, that’s all.
We have a relative who relentlessly shows off about their holidays and weekends away. now and again I want to say ‘Shut the fuck up about your holidays! I’m sick of hearing about them!’ But then I get over it and I’m glad I don’t show my feelings about it. I am glad they enjoy their holidays but it gets boring sometimes.

Bit weird that all is fine and dandy about listening to nice stories about trips and getting presents but one moan and suddenly the friend is a wrong'un

She can moan about not getting what she paid for but she could of found someone else to moan to. She's a bit pretentious and you're a bit jealous (I am). Nothing wrong with either.

My daughter works for a prestigious airline and passengers who are used to flying first class will kick off majorly if they have to travel any other way. The airline would do anything in the world to avoid it. So I think if you're used to flying first class, economy is a huge comedown and disappointment.

Yeah, she has perhaps been a bit tone deaf complaining to you about it, but she probably thinks you won't judge her for it.

Well flying economy is a bit shit (though I've only ever flown economy apart from one surprise upgrade to premium economy which was barely any different!) But I think the point here is Know Your Audience. It's really bad form to moan to someone who can't afford a holiday at all. Fine to moan with the airline or your first class chums though, eh what old bean?

If my dh can’t fly first class for work, they will close of the entire row he’s on and the one in front + back. And give him his usual favourite wine and food from first class (they have it written down). As s very frequent flyer that’s the way it is no matter how unfair or horrible people think it might be.

I can remember a time in my life where I was flat broke (and by that I mean a few days earlier, I had stolen a baking potato from outside the grocers as I had nothing in the house to eat and no money to buy it with). I bumped into a friend in the street and she proceeded to complain about her 'cheapo Hobbs trousers'. 'Cheapo trousers' or 'Hobbs trousers' wouldn't have been a problem. But 'cheapo Hobbs'? Even in the sale, they are not cheapo! Bloody hell, the mind boggles at times!

I bet you’ll never forget that day. I feel sad just reading it.

Flying is horrendous these days and she is allowed to have that experience. She will stop sharing with you if you continue to sneer at what she says.

I have a horrible feeling you are my friend and I am on MN and no other SM. It’s good to know it annoys you, shame you couldn’t be more honest about how our differences affect you, you give the impression it doesn’t bother you.

They’ll get rid of three rows of paying customers from business class?! Or is this economy?

i totally agree