Is my mate a pretentious twat or am I horribly jealous

[Thinkmymateisanob]

Very tongue in cheek but kind of not 👀

Me and my friend have been mates since childhood. Over 25 years, the rough with the smooth, through children/divorces/careers etc etc

Financially our lives are the complete opposite. It’s not an issue, she’s usually quite frugal but likes to spend money on experiences rather than things so if we go out to dinner and she chooses the restaurant she will pay. But next time I will pay and choose a restaurant I can afford. It works out well.

She goes on holiday 3 times a year with her family, abroad long haul and 3/4 short haul trips to Europe with various teens.

I haven’t been abroad for years. Not even France.

I live vicariously through her and she brings me lovely presents and sends nice pics.

Anyway - she’s just taken a teen abroad for a short holiday in Europe. All I’ve heard about is how awful her flights were as she had to fly economy as the planes got switched last minute. How awful it all was, how does anyone fly like this, she’s never flying economy again, she’s dreading the flight home.

I want to message her and say you’re being a twat, people have probably saved for months for those flights - pull your head out of your arse

She’s never usually like this. So I will forgive her but I’m just feeling unusually annoyed with her

She won’t read this because she hates social media and doesn’t use MN.

But just in case she does - I love you really M 👀

I’m with you AuntieJoyce

Flying economy is horrible, I've never flown business or first but I still think as much.

She doesn’t have to be grateful but she could be tactful if she knows full well her friend can’t afford either option.

Neither op or her friend are being particularly unreasonable but people who think affording things through whatever circumstances puts them in a special category above others are.

YANBU. My best friend went on hol and described it as "unrelaxing." I havent been able to afford a holiday in 7 years. I think she should pick her audience when she's moaning.

I think most people expect what they’ve paid for? That she’s paid for a service that she hasn’t received does put her in a separate category to those that have got what they paid for.

Op says herself that she lives vicariously through her (obviously close) friend so clearly shows interest in what said friend is up to. As a result, the friend is used to talking to Op about her life without having to moderate herself and consider something that hasn’t been an issue up to this point.

YANBU to feel how you do but as well whilst I do believe in being sensitive to other people's situations where possible, like your friend, I too live very frugally and value experiences over "stuff". I am on a low income yet scale down in 100 very small different ways through the year to afford to go on long haul holidays it's the one thing I make a priority and truly enjoy. I've never had a wedding, children/pets and so on so going on holiday is really the only thing I really do through the year that is news beyond me sitting at home leading a simple life yet I still feel awkward going on holiday during the issues of living costs and have had snarky comments from people who just made other choices. Whilst I fly in economy class, I could see how your friend simply does just allow for that cost to factor in her holiday costs as the comfort matters to her. She maybe just thinks you enjoy 100 different things as her over life choices. For instance, people having a dog probably costs as much as an overseas holiday and people spend in different ways. Having said that, depending on your disposable income, I do think she needs to "read the room" maybe as fewer people fly in first class relative to economy. Neither of you are wrong and it might just be something to overlook in your friendship and move forwards. It feels awkward to feel disparity of wealth with our friends but I think with respect for one another's position, you can overcome it.

Yes. She isn’t just complaining to anyone. She is complaining to her friend. If she is like this unnecessarily and whinging about first world problems and pretentious things in general to anyone unaware of herself or others, she would be a twat.

But she thinks you are a friend.

It’s tackless and crass to complain about flying economy to someone who doesn’t have that kind of money. But if it’s a one off I would assume she’s just having a bit of a stress and will cringe if you point it out.

Who are all these oversensitive bitter resentful people who can’t bear to hear of someone better off than them.

I haven’t been abroad for 20 years due to serious health problems and thus challenged finances.

But if I heard a friend moaning about economy I’d think yeah it’s rather uncomfortable.

Yep a bit pretentious. But I often listen to people and wonder what they are moaning about. Some peoples worlds are very small. In the world she lives in that is obviously a big deal. To me I would be grateful to have taken my children on a lovely holiday. As there are plenty of children that won’t ever go on holiday.

It’s all relative, op. You complaining about not having been on holiday will sound pretentious to someone who can’t afford to eat.
Everyone is allowed to complain, but it’s a good idea to read the room first.

If you’re really good friends this is the sort of thing you can gently rib her about. Humour is often a good way of making your point without building up resentment.

Of course, this requires you both to have a sense of humour.

Exactly.

Is the poor women having to fly in a plane with 'others' shudder , can't she afford to fly private ?

I couldn’t get worked up about this, it’s worthy of nothing more than an 🙄.

Moaning about 'having' to fly economy class is just weird
Just by being able to step onto an aircraft you're already in the world's richest 5%
I've flown economy for pleasure and business around the world all my life, including 24 hour long haul flights with my daughter when she was a baby. Not always easy but never been a major problem. Your friend is being a twat

She needs to realise there are far more important things in life to moan or be unhappy about. At least she's flying home at the right time, not being left stranded there.

And she'll presumably be refunded the cost difference. I'd be inclined to just comment 'it's not the end of the world' and change the subject to what a lovely holiday she's just had.

How is it weird when you’ve paid to fly premium? She’s moaning because she hasn’t received what she paid for, which is entirely normal tbh.

Rich or poor, flying economy is shit, and routinely complained about.

If she works really hard, crazy hours a week and sacrifices in other areas then a holiday is probably her bit of luxury. I have to say once you fly business you’ll never want to fly economy again… for that reason some of my friends refuse to ever fly business so they don’t know what they’re missing out on! For me flying is part of the holiday, luxury from beginning to end if I can afford it and I’d prefer not to buy new clothes, go out for dinner etc to save for it.

She’s a twat. I agree with her about the flights but I’d never say it to anyone.

She won’t read this because she hates social media and doesn’t use MN.

In my experience they are the people who are on MN 😂

YANBU OP, as others have said know your audience.

However you're on MN where apparently the average income is £200k so these lot all fly business class and would find economy intolerable (and are probably as socially tone death whinging to their cleaners how the yacht linens on their recent bahamas trip only had an 800 thread count.) 😉

Having said that, if they were nice enough apart from this faux pas, I'd just internally eye roll and not hold it against them. Xx

YANBU

Know your audience for a start. Secondly, to prefer business class and be annoyed if you've paid for it not to get it - fair enough.

To say stuff like "how does anyone fly like this" is pure and utter twattery.

Why fly economy 90% of the time. It is shit and uncomfortable. Of course I'm grateful to be going away a all, but flying Ryanair to Europe is absolutely shit.

Why can't we say something is shit if it is? I'm not wealthy btw, only ever twice flown premium (wealthy family paid on that occasion for our honeymoon ) and economy is horrible in comparison.

No she's not - she's saying "how could anyone fly like this" which is just so privileged and blinkered.

Also - I flew short haul economy recently and it was absolutely fine. Luxurious? No, but everything went seamlessly and the flight was comfortable enough. I'm really not sure how I would really have significantly benefited from it being business class. It certainly wasn't shit in the slightest.

I do agree Ryanair is shit though 😆