Is my mate a pretentious twat or am I horribly jealous

[Thinkmymateisanob]

Very tongue in cheek but kind of not 👀

Me and my friend have been mates since childhood. Over 25 years, the rough with the smooth, through children/divorces/careers etc etc

Financially our lives are the complete opposite. It’s not an issue, she’s usually quite frugal but likes to spend money on experiences rather than things so if we go out to dinner and she chooses the restaurant she will pay. But next time I will pay and choose a restaurant I can afford. It works out well.

She goes on holiday 3 times a year with her family, abroad long haul and 3/4 short haul trips to Europe with various teens.

I haven’t been abroad for years. Not even France.

I live vicariously through her and she brings me lovely presents and sends nice pics.

Anyway - she’s just taken a teen abroad for a short holiday in Europe. All I’ve heard about is how awful her flights were as she had to fly economy as the planes got switched last minute. How awful it all was, how does anyone fly like this, she’s never flying economy again, she’s dreading the flight home.

I want to message her and say you’re being a twat, people have probably saved for months for those flights - pull your head out of your arse

She’s never usually like this. So I will forgive her but I’m just feeling unusually annoyed with her

She won’t read this because she hates social media and doesn’t use MN.

But just in case she does - I love you really M 👀

Nobody should live vicariously through someone else, OP. She sounds fortunate and maybe a bit tone deaf in this case but that's all. Try not to think so much on this stuff.

@catsnhats11 oh and like many people we use Avios points for the upgrade. We don’t actually pay for business.

What's avios

She's not very thoughtful, knowing you would kill for an economy flight and holiday- but some people do become thoughtless when lovely things become their norm

You feel how you feel and I don’t blame you, but if I’d paid an arm and a leg for business I wouldn’t be happy to be put in economy.

I’d just send a jokey text saying - any more economy trips I’ll take your place. She needs to catch herself on, but is possibly having a stressy time with a teen.

She's thoughtless.

I parted company with a friend a couple of years ago for just this reason. Like you, we'd been friends a long time (20 odd years) and been through thick and thin. Since meeting her husband, she has turned into an awful self entitled Queen Bee. I had a sudden realisation that she was adding nothing to my life and I dreaded every meet up. Sadly, I can't say that I miss her.

Time marches on. It's best to let go of the things that no longer work for you.

Me too 😂 poor France...

I mean, yes, its a little tone deaf to wang on about this when others cant afford it but equally I think this is a very minor thing to feel annoyed about if she's been an otherwise lovely friend. I am sure you have complained about first world problems in the past (we all have), its human nature and you can always find someone worse off than you who would be grateful for what you are complaining about. Therefore, this principle applies to us all surely?

I was annoyed recently when my washing machine broke down but I am sure there are lots of people in the world who cant afford a new washing machine so by your rationale, thats pretentious too.

It’s annoying when you pay for something you don’t receive and get shitty service. We all prioritise different things, for her it’s travel, totally fair enough, and who wouldn’t be annoyed. It’s happened to me (downgraded to economy) but long haul and of course I was pissed off. If I’d wanted to travel economy I would have booked economy, I had paid for a flat bed I didn’t get! Then I had to take the airline to the small claims court to get the CAA mandated compensation that I was due because they were Bloody Awful. So I sort of get where she’s coming from. However the point where she’s saying short haul economy is so awful and dreading the flight home absolutely tips her into snob territory because business class is usually the same bloody seat with a tray over the middle and a sad ready looking ready meal chucked at you.

It's all relative though isn't it.

I just think it’s very difficult to be friends with someone with very different financial circumstances. Especially if the less well off person is really struggling and the better off person could very easily help but chooses not to.

It’s nice that she gives you presents but I imagine the photos are a bit wearing. If she goes on so many holidays and you’re such a good friend I would have thought she’d offer to take you away occasionally.

@Screamingabdabz

How is it tedious when the OP suggested the same thing?
there is always one, for sure…🙄

@Dibblydoodahdah thanks, ah yes BA was the only airline I could think of that might offer business to Europe. For a couple of hours I really wouldn't want to pay a premium to sit next to an empty seat and get a free drink, I mean maybe Id pay an extra £20 but I'm guessing its more than that, would rather keep my money for something else! Im surprised at how many people on here are complaining about economy, maybe I'm too stingy or easily pleased!

To answer the original question, fair enough for your friend to have a whinge but maybe to her husband but not to a friend who she knows cant afford a holiday abroad full stop, that is unreasonable.

@Sigmama the BA loyalty points scheme. We collect them via our Amex (which we pay for as much as possible on including food shopping) and then use the points for flights and upgrades.

Your friend is having a moan to her friend. Do you complain about things to her like not having the money to go away? You're clearly jealous she can afford to go away and you can't. She brings you back gifts, I don't think she's being unreasonable to think she can have a little moan to her friend.

You could say something like...
Well at least you get to sit on the inside, i can only afford to buy a seat on the wings, or the cargo hold. 😉

I remember feeling similar about a similar situation with a family member, in the end I did have to admit I was jealous though. I’d been in sore need of a holiday and some time to relax but there wasn’t a hope in hell of it! Sometimes the ones we love bitch to us about something minor to them but massive to us and it can leave a bad taste if we don’t confront what we’re really feeling about it!

Are people really that thick? The problem is not the friend complaining but the fact she is complaining to someone who cannot afford a holiday. We all complain about things. It's like if someone size 8 complained they were fat to their size 22 friend. Size 8 person may think and feel fat but you wouldn't say that in front of someone way bigger. Know your audience!

If I was used to flying first class then was made to fly economy, I'd be upset too. Its not a great experience. My car got stolen and I was without a car for a few days. I know some peoole can't even afford a car and I survived, but, yeah, I moaned about it. A lot. 😒

I think its a case of 'read the room' and a complete lack of social awareness on her part.
However if its a one off, let it go.

@catsnhats11 cost us £50 each last time we went BA business in Europe. That was the total cost of the flight including the upgrade. As I mentioned above, we used Avios points.

@Dibblydoodahdah

Are some people that thick to not be able to decipher the fact that their ordinary lives aren’t the same as others and people are allowed to have a moan and rant if something affects them.

the same argument of knowing your audience could be said for people complaining about drinking tap water when other people in the world die of dehydration.

People complain about public transport whilst others have a car. But it doesn’t mean those with a car have no problems.

It’s all relative but just because it doesn’t affect you, doesn’t mean it isn’t an issue and it doesn’t matter, and certainly isn’t pretentious.

I’ve got more Avios than I know what to do with but still never go business class to Europe, unless they are the only flights available.

@Dibblydoodahdah sorry wrong tag

@Dintananadinta

@ArgosKettle I don’t know why you are tagging me.