Is my mate a pretentious twat or am I horribly jealous

[Thinkmymateisanob]

Very tongue in cheek but kind of not 👀

Me and my friend have been mates since childhood. Over 25 years, the rough with the smooth, through children/divorces/careers etc etc

Financially our lives are the complete opposite. It’s not an issue, she’s usually quite frugal but likes to spend money on experiences rather than things so if we go out to dinner and she chooses the restaurant she will pay. But next time I will pay and choose a restaurant I can afford. It works out well.

She goes on holiday 3 times a year with her family, abroad long haul and 3/4 short haul trips to Europe with various teens.

I haven’t been abroad for years. Not even France.

I live vicariously through her and she brings me lovely presents and sends nice pics.

Anyway - she’s just taken a teen abroad for a short holiday in Europe. All I’ve heard about is how awful her flights were as she had to fly economy as the planes got switched last minute. How awful it all was, how does anyone fly like this, she’s never flying economy again, she’s dreading the flight home.

I want to message her and say you’re being a twat, people have probably saved for months for those flights - pull your head out of your arse

She’s never usually like this. So I will forgive her but I’m just feeling unusually annoyed with her

She won’t read this because she hates social media and doesn’t use MN.

But just in case she does - I love you really M 👀

the same argument of knowing your audience could be said for people complaining about drinking tap water when other people in the world die of dehydration.

It would be the same if someone was complaining about having to drink tap water to someone dying of dehydration.

It’s called Cattle Class for a reason. that’s how you are treated.

She’s entitled to be annoyed about her flights.
You’re entitled to be annoyed with her moaning.
Neither of you are being unreasonable.

@ThePuma your choice, sometimes we do, somethings we don’t. Depends on the time of the flight and whether we would make use of the lounge. Given that it’s at least £20-25 each for a lounge per person sometimes we decide to use our points and upgrade so we get the lounge included.

Funnily enough, DP and I were sitting next to a couple of women in a small restaurant and one woman was going on and on and on about her life (holidays, how well the children were doing, her marathon training etc.) and the other friend was hardly saying anything. They looked 40s so our guess was that they had to have been longterm friends with the boastful ‘friend’ changing over time to become insufferable. We can’t understand why anyone would tolerate that in a friend! Well done you for cutting off the queen bee - life is too short for friends that make you feel like shit.

YANBU. She needs to learn gratitude.

It's not worth paying extra for business class on European flights! The flights are short, you don't need to sleep, there's not much difference in the seating, so I think she's being pretentious and ridiculous.

I'm tall and a bit overweight and because of that literally don't fly unless there's no other way of getting to a wedding or a funeral that I have to attend. So I honestly don't blame her. The only difference between her and me is that she's got the money to upgrade.

OMG it so is. If I could afford it I would.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her feeling fed up that she’s not getting the journey that she’s booked and paid for. She is, however, insensitive moaning to you when presumably she knows you haven’t been able to afford to go on holiday abroad for years. Read the room, as they say.

I wouldn’t have a go at her if she’s otherwise lovely but I would maybe reply “read the room, friend! I haven’t been able to go abroad, economy or otherwise, for a long time so I’m probably not the right person to rant to about this.”

I can see it's annoying for you... but if she is used to business and she went economy I can see why she is complaining! I don't think she is being pretentious, perhaps it was bad even for economy.

‘Are some people that thick to not be able to decipher the fact that their ordinary lives aren’t the same as others and people are allowed to have a moan and rant if something affects them.

the same argument of knowing your audience could be said for people complaining about drinking tap water when other people in the world die of dehydration. ‘

Have a really good think and see if this water example is analogous to the situation in the OP.

Just to give you a little clue. Was the woman in the OP complaining about her downgraded flight to someone who regularly goes on holidays and flies first and business class?

I can get into a lounge at most airports anyway but would rather pay to go to a restaurant than £20-25 for a lounge if I did have to pay.

I want to message her and say you’re being a twat, people have probably saved for months for those flights - pull your head out of your arse

I'd be one of those people saving for flights as opposed to quaffing champagne and oysters in first class.

But I'd still bitch and moan about the torture of travelling in cattle.

If King Charles signs up I will too. Pretty sure his carbon footprint puts mine in the shade despite his lectures

Not even France 😂😂😂

Massively insensitive. I'd be quite fucked off, but given that she's such a good friend let's hope it's a one off. It's one of those things that once you start looking out for can become more and more of an issue.

I rarely fly and only ever have economy but was really uncomfotable the last flight. My legs were really cramped up and I was sat bolt upright with no elbow room.
Reminds me of me moaning about house related stuff but then remembering how many years I rented living with other people and how absolutely elated I was to finally have my own place. It's human nature to complain but she could have read the room better. From what you've said I'd just let it go and think of all the nice things she's done for you, but that doesn't mean you're a petty person for finding it annoying.

No she doesn’t

and you sound as if you’re just here to be contrarian.

@ThePuma as I said your choice. My kids prefer a lounge to wander around and use their devices in a quieter area than the terminal.

I've never flown first class but I've taken the train first class and if that were all I'd ever done, honestly, I'd feel the same as your friend.

Everyone gets stressed when travel plans go wrong. I'd cut her some slack.

I think people are allowed to complain once in a while but I also think some people lack a sensitivity chip. For example my best friend is TTC and its been a long struggle so I really avoid kid talk around her, just general stuff purely because I know they desperately want a baby. Similarly I have mutual friends who literally go on and on about their fancy stuff like the best barbeque equipment, buying bracelets for 5k each at a whim, buying designer bags at a whim etc, sneering that some enjoy family trips somewhere cheaper knowing full well there are people who they are talking to who are just scraping by. It really annoys me as I feel they are passively showing off and one upping people.

If its any consolation, I don't think your friend is like this!

She seems to be kind and considerate when you're together.
I don't think she's trying to make you feel bad, just venting about a bad flight to her friend.

It is not her fault you can't afford to go abroad (not even to France). It doesn't mean that she can't be annoyed when her plans go wrong. It doesn't mean she has to be grateful for having the opportunity to be uncomfortable while travelling. There are people out there without homes, so should other people not be allowed to complain about the cost of heating theirs? Competitive misery is annoying.