To think it isn't normal to be this critical?

[FrustratedCitizen44846]

This morning me and DH were having a lazy morning in bed (no kids yet) when we realised we don't have any milk. I said "I'll nip to the shop and get some now then". He asked if I wanted him to come with me and I said no, don't worry, I can finish my audiobook on the way (it's a 2 minute walk). Before I left he asked me to grab him some vanilla yoghurt and some blueberries, too. Of course! No problemo.

Anyway as I'm milling round the shop I'll admit I was in my own world a bit, so I forgot to buy the blueberries. I also bought the wrong yoghurt; he asked for vanilla this time but I bought strawberry. The shop was packed and so in my haste I grabbed strawberry, which is his usual choice.

When I got home and emptied the bag of he looked a bit confused (and I will note didn't say thank you once). At that point I said shit, sorry, I forgot the blueberries, but there's a fresh punnet of strawberries in the fridge and bananas on the side of you want some fruit. And said my bad about the yoghurt.

I honestly thought nothing of it, didn't think it was a big deal (he could walk the 2 mins to the shop if he really wanted) but as I was eating my breakfast I could tell he was being a bit sulky. I asked him what's wrong and he said if I wasn't going to get him what he wanted he would've just gone to the shop with me, and it's not fair that I pretty much told him he couldn't come with me. I said that's not fair, all I said was "don't worry about coming with me, I have something I want to listen to anyway". It's not like it was a strict directive or anything, of course he could come with me if he really wanted to. And in any case the shop is literally two minutes from where we live. It's not a big deal.

Anyway he then goes off on this sulk about how I'm not very thoughtful and how it's impossible to say no to me (i.e. he couldn't push the point about coming with me to the shop).

I think he's being overly critical over what is an incredibly minor mistake and turning into some big character flaw. It's not like this sort of thing happens often, if at all.

Tbh there have been a few cases like this where I feel he's a bit too.... unforgiving? Critical?

It kinda puts me on eggshells at times, to the point I've considered breaking up with him. Taking today as an example, we're supposrd to be going out to meet some friends but now I feel really on edge and a bit sad. Feels like the day is ruined for no good reason.

But it seems like such a minor thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being unreasonable/overdramatic and that it's normal for him to be a bit miffed over things like this from time to time (we're all human after all).

AIBU?

Well yeah especially in a way which makes her DP seem much more reasonable and her less so lol.

Why not say - ‘they didn’t have the one he wanted so I got him another one he normally likes’. 🤷🏻

I think it's a red flag in terms of compatibility. It's hard to be with someone who holds grudges when you forgive easily

@Usernamen it's just not that deep though is it... surely 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mumsnet makes me so glad I'm single.

Dear god, I can’t believe all the people who think it’s reasonable for a grown adult man to sulk over something so minor. If it was a regular pattern, sure, but a one off? I’d be a bit irritated, but hardly worth a big drama.

@HeckyPeck 💯 agree

@Naunet imagine if he actually had a real crisis to deal with, God help the OP then.

Frustration is part of being human. Getting a bit miffed is normal. Expecting your partner and yourself to be upbeat, cheery, and happy about everything all the time is such a fake, insincere way to live.

No, need to take it personally. He was a bit annoyed that you didn't want him to come, didn't bother getting the two things he asked for, and then expected him to thank you. So what. He is allowed to get annoyed. You can get annoyed next time he pays no attention to what you say and doesn't do something you asked him and expects thanks anyways. Tis life.

You are over sensitive if this is your example of him being critical, and it is your issue if you feel like you need to walk on eggshells because someone expresses annoyance or frustration. Classifying it as sulking when being a bit miffed is a normal reaction to the situation is just another way to make this seem like he is wrong and you are right

I recognised a pattern of familiar behaviours. The fact that the OP's partner is male is irrelevant.

Being a bit miffed and sulking are two very different things.

Only the OP can really say.

Anyone who’s had experience of a sulker knows how bad it is.

I do t get how you got his request so wrong! It was two items!!

I agree with this!
I feel quite sorry for their partners.

Context surrounding the whole relationship would be more useful here IMO. My ex was overly critical about everything I did. I’m pretty easy going in relationships too but I show a huge amount of love and respect to the one I am with. He would pick at everything and it didn’t matter what I did to improve, it would never be enough. And he would never address his faults, either. I gave up trying to please him in the end because he was impossible and I left.

Maybe if you'd offered to go back to get what you should have got in the first place?

In your scenario, I'd phone from the shop.

""Which probably isn't a great combination with me as I'm very "go with the flow"/what will be will be.""

What's your/his love language, how to you show him that you care? That's something that you've got to work out when you are a couple.

You had to get 3 things and messed up on two? Yes I’d be annoyed if dh did this.

OP, listen to your gut.

You walk on eggshells because he's critical and highly strung?

Is this really the future you want.

He's a PITA and no, sulking over such stuff is not normal.

However, if you want a stressful future, stay with him.

But please don't inflict him on a child.

My advice would be listen carefully to your gut and dump him.

Life is too short.

Agreed.

I remember when I was meant to order the food shopping, but had forgotten the vital step of actually clicking pay. Then when it didn't turn up we had to go to Tesco at 9pm do to a whole shop because we had people coming over the next day 🤦‍♀️ DH didn't get annoyed because he knew it wasn't on purpose. In contrast, my ex would have kicked off and sulked through the whole of the next day and party.

It's so nice being with someone who sees the best in you and forgives mistakes. I'll never go back to walking on eggshells.

For balance, DH forgot to check his passport expiration date until right before our holiday once and then led to a last minute dash up to London to get an emergency one. I wasn't annoyed at him & we ended up making the most of it and had a funny day. I knew it was an accident and I know he's a good man so I wasn't annoyed at him.

2 laid back people together is the best combo in my experience. Or maybe 2 uptighters because they'd know where each other are coming from 🤔

i would probably have lied to him that they didn't have the vanilla at all, rather than telling him what he could have had and then him sulking.

the main thing is the milk. Getting milk was the reason for the trip, i'd have gone on my own to if we were in bed and remembered it, other person puts on the coffee, gets up/shower whatever.

Excellent post.

Critical, petty people grind you down.

Think very carefully about the future you want OP.

I agree with this as well.

I would FaceTime my DH in the shop to avoid exactly this scenario. Been there, done that and got the t shirt!
I think what you’re describing sounds like a very typical tiff in a relationship.
You should probably have let him go with you/ checked when you got there. He should chill out and not care about the yoghurt and make it a big deal. Both of you are just cracking on living in your own heads and need to communicate better is all. Clear the air, agree to communicate better and try. Enjoy your day please!

He hasn't made a big drama. All he said was she was thoughtless, which nearly everyone here agrees with.

I agree with the love languages post as well. People give and like to receive affection in different ways. You can’t always expect the other person to show thought the way you normally would. We don’t know how and if the OP shows thoughtfulness in other ways…

Also for context, I went to the shop with my partner once and waiting in the car because I was feeling a bit run down. He went in to get ingredients for dinner and I ask for painkillers too. He had forgotten them when he got back to the car but I couldn’t bring myself to point it out because he looked so pleased with himself for getting all the dinner stuff and I thought he was being really thoughtful just going in and being ok with me waiting in the car.
He remembered about an hour later when we were back home and insisted on going back despite me telling him I didn’t need him to

Just let him sulk and enjoy the rest of your day, he’s being a bit of a drama llama.

I'd be annoyed with you OP. His request was simple.