To think it isn't normal to be this critical?

[FrustratedCitizen44846]

This morning me and DH were having a lazy morning in bed (no kids yet) when we realised we don't have any milk. I said "I'll nip to the shop and get some now then". He asked if I wanted him to come with me and I said no, don't worry, I can finish my audiobook on the way (it's a 2 minute walk). Before I left he asked me to grab him some vanilla yoghurt and some blueberries, too. Of course! No problemo.

Anyway as I'm milling round the shop I'll admit I was in my own world a bit, so I forgot to buy the blueberries. I also bought the wrong yoghurt; he asked for vanilla this time but I bought strawberry. The shop was packed and so in my haste I grabbed strawberry, which is his usual choice.

When I got home and emptied the bag of he looked a bit confused (and I will note didn't say thank you once). At that point I said shit, sorry, I forgot the blueberries, but there's a fresh punnet of strawberries in the fridge and bananas on the side of you want some fruit. And said my bad about the yoghurt.

I honestly thought nothing of it, didn't think it was a big deal (he could walk the 2 mins to the shop if he really wanted) but as I was eating my breakfast I could tell he was being a bit sulky. I asked him what's wrong and he said if I wasn't going to get him what he wanted he would've just gone to the shop with me, and it's not fair that I pretty much told him he couldn't come with me. I said that's not fair, all I said was "don't worry about coming with me, I have something I want to listen to anyway". It's not like it was a strict directive or anything, of course he could come with me if he really wanted to. And in any case the shop is literally two minutes from where we live. It's not a big deal.

Anyway he then goes off on this sulk about how I'm not very thoughtful and how it's impossible to say no to me (i.e. he couldn't push the point about coming with me to the shop).

I think he's being overly critical over what is an incredibly minor mistake and turning into some big character flaw. It's not like this sort of thing happens often, if at all.

Tbh there have been a few cases like this where I feel he's a bit too.... unforgiving? Critical?

It kinda puts me on eggshells at times, to the point I've considered breaking up with him. Taking today as an example, we're supposrd to be going out to meet some friends but now I feel really on edge and a bit sad. Feels like the day is ruined for no good reason.

But it seems like such a minor thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being unreasonable/overdramatic and that it's normal for him to be a bit miffed over things like this from time to time (we're all human after all).

AIBU?

It is annoying though, OP. You asked him what he wanted and he gave you a specific couple of items to which you said 'no problem'. Then you forgot one of them and bought an alternative to what he asked for. That is irritating and you're expecting a 'thank you'?

If the shop didn't have what he wanted then fair enough but, were you really wandering around the shop listening to whatever rather than pausing it until you got outside? Weird.

Sounds like you're doing favour for favour or tit for tat. You expect him to be okay with yours so you decide to be okay with his first.

If you genuinely don't mind, it should matter if he minds yours or not. We all have what matters to us and what doesn't- you shouldn't use yours as a yardstick for someone else.

I think, possibly, you should break up. Not because of the yoghurt/blueberry thing, but because if you are quite an uptight person who really likes to dot the i's and cross the t's and you are with someone who's very 'ho hum, doesn't really matter, let's just go along with things.' it will eventually end in tears.

He was sat there looking forward to his vanilla yogurt and blueberries and then had to adjust his expectations because you hadn’t properly listened / concentrated on him.

Good grief. The poor, poor neglected man. 🙄

Yeah it does sound like you’re incompatible (and also a bit incompetent tbh)

Well.he was happy to go and you insisted, and you screwed it up (it was only 2 items!!). I'd be miffed if I was him, but not enough of a big deal for either of you to dwell over

This! I'd have been so annoyed!

It’s hard to say from this example whether he’s over-critical, because coming back with 0% of what he asked you to get after telling him not to come because you wanted to listen to your headphones is the sort of thing that might reasonably frustrate a person. You’ve said you’re usually very considerate, and he over-reacts with a lot of things, so maybe this example isn’t a great one to use to get opinions on his general conduct and whether he’s overly critical. He totally might be, even a stopped clock is right twice a day and all that. Him ruining the day over a thoughtless shop is disproportionate but it’s never just about the yoghurt, is it?

DH (currently looking for ADHD diagnosis) would do the same and I cannot begin to explain to you how frustrating it is.

I know it's not a big deal, but when DH does similar it does actually feel like he's not that bothered about me (with the passage of time I've got much better at understanding)

If you went to the shop and bought him strawberry yoghurt because you know that's what he normally has and you thought he would enjoy it for breakfast, he would be unreasonable to complain that he actually fancied vanilla today. Given that you asked, he told you and then you patently didn't deliver then no, he's not unreasonable.

Not at all but he is allowed to be disappointed that he didn’t get what he’d asked for because of someone else’s thoughtlessness. I would be.

If someone posted on here saying she had really fancied two specific things for breakfast, her DH had insisted on going to the shop alone then came back with neither of the things she asked for, people would quite rightly say he was thoughtless and uncaring and probably that he is having an affair and wanted to call the other woman on the way to the shop so LTB.

I'd be upset if you told me not to come but then got my request wrong. Although you obviously did it by mistake and meant no harm.

I’d be annoyed too tbh, it’s not very thoughtful.

Now you’ve explained the yoghurt thing, I’d have been ok with strawberry if I was him. Personally I’d have bought both or rung from the shop but that’s me. I would have been annoyed about the blueberries if it was my partner!

More serious is your partners comment that he can’t push things with you. If someone is saying that kind of thing to me, I think I’d listen.

It’s hard when you have one laid back person and one uptight person. Hopefully you can work out compromises but it does as a pp mentioned sound like more than just yoghurts and blueberries.

Also, personally I hate sulking, I find it childish and mean, but that’s probably a different thread.

If it’s only 2 minutes to the shop and you buggered up what he’d asked for, why didn’t you spend another 2 minutes going back and getting it?

He suggested he come, you told him not to and you forgot his stuff. I am not surprised he was grumpy.

I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest that give and take or compromise is a good way forward in a relationship. Yes, everyone will have their deal-breakers but being less than perfect at food shopping, in my opinion, shouldn't be one.

Or she’s changed her story because things weren’t going her way….

I don't condone the sulking.

But this happens to me a lot. DH always manages to come back with the wrong thing. I don't usually make a fuss - he tried, he got it wrong, I am the superior being. But it is very irritating, and I am siding with your DP on this one.

That wasn't the point but okay.
I agree with this particular point.

My hubby always forgets to bring back anything I've asked for, it's become a bit of a running joke in our house. It really isn't a big deal and as you say he can easily go back himself. Tell him to get a grip and get over his man sulk so you can go out and enjoy your afternoon 😊

You keep changing your story.

At first you said he was a bit miffed and then when the posts didn't go your way you started calling him irate. You keep changing the to suit you.

You thought he should thank you for not paying attention to what he wanted and not caring what you picked up?

Your view of him as over critical for thinking you would bring back what he asked for given you didn't take him up on his offer to go with you and it was only two things seems pretty unfair.

You were thoughtless, he was a bit miffed - both of you can move on. Its a grumpy morning.

It’s not about the blueberries, it’s that you didn’t listen to what he wanted and didn’t care enough to go back.

I'd be annoyed he asked to go so he could get what he wanted. What was he supposed to do? If I want something specific to eat and im willing to pay for it and get it myself you need to let him and not put obstacles in his way.

I think you should've been more apologetic for not getting him what he asked for, and if it was me I would've offered to go back out and get the blueberries or whatever.
I think it's more that you were like "my bad, here are the alternatives " or whatever. When he only asked you for two things....

I'm perfectly happy with things not going my way, such is putting a question a public forum full of strangers. No need to be so cynical.