To think it isn't normal to be this critical?

[FrustratedCitizen44846]

This morning me and DH were having a lazy morning in bed (no kids yet) when we realised we don't have any milk. I said "I'll nip to the shop and get some now then". He asked if I wanted him to come with me and I said no, don't worry, I can finish my audiobook on the way (it's a 2 minute walk). Before I left he asked me to grab him some vanilla yoghurt and some blueberries, too. Of course! No problemo.

Anyway as I'm milling round the shop I'll admit I was in my own world a bit, so I forgot to buy the blueberries. I also bought the wrong yoghurt; he asked for vanilla this time but I bought strawberry. The shop was packed and so in my haste I grabbed strawberry, which is his usual choice.

When I got home and emptied the bag of he looked a bit confused (and I will note didn't say thank you once). At that point I said shit, sorry, I forgot the blueberries, but there's a fresh punnet of strawberries in the fridge and bananas on the side of you want some fruit. And said my bad about the yoghurt.

I honestly thought nothing of it, didn't think it was a big deal (he could walk the 2 mins to the shop if he really wanted) but as I was eating my breakfast I could tell he was being a bit sulky. I asked him what's wrong and he said if I wasn't going to get him what he wanted he would've just gone to the shop with me, and it's not fair that I pretty much told him he couldn't come with me. I said that's not fair, all I said was "don't worry about coming with me, I have something I want to listen to anyway". It's not like it was a strict directive or anything, of course he could come with me if he really wanted to. And in any case the shop is literally two minutes from where we live. It's not a big deal.

Anyway he then goes off on this sulk about how I'm not very thoughtful and how it's impossible to say no to me (i.e. he couldn't push the point about coming with me to the shop).

I think he's being overly critical over what is an incredibly minor mistake and turning into some big character flaw. It's not like this sort of thing happens often, if at all.

Tbh there have been a few cases like this where I feel he's a bit too.... unforgiving? Critical?

It kinda puts me on eggshells at times, to the point I've considered breaking up with him. Taking today as an example, we're supposrd to be going out to meet some friends but now I feel really on edge and a bit sad. Feels like the day is ruined for no good reason.

But it seems like such a minor thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being unreasonable/overdramatic and that it's normal for him to be a bit miffed over things like this from time to time (we're all human after all).

AIBU?

I dont think anyone really knows what happened now, considering the story has changed. Would be interesting to hear his side and how that differs from your 2 versions.

A ranked decision tree of yoghurt choices for an impromptu trip to the shop sounds exhausting.

Im not sure why you simplified things in a way that made you look like you hadn’t listened to him OP.

It’s just bloody yoghurt. If he was that upset you made the wrong alternative choice, he could have gone to the shop himself at that point.

Sorry if I misunderstood. What I meant to convey is that we both feel a small level of irritation at each other's minor faults, but we leave it as 'one moan and done' because in the grand scheme of things, not getting exactly what you want from the shop or finding an empty tumbler on an out-of-the-way shelf is not the end of the world.

Going by this I’d say a) I think you’ve picked a weak example to illustrate your point - maybe he is like this but this one doesn’t seem massive and he sounds more disappointed than critical

b) from what you’ve said here you sound a bit like one of those people who are always late and think everyone else is just uptight and you are chill (because you haven’t been inconvenienced) Isn’t there a saying - the people who are late are always so much cheerier than those who have to wait for them.

(Not saying you’re a late person btw, just this has the same sort of vibe about it, and I wonder if he frequently feels you don’t consider him and his feelings and just dismiss us as him not being as free and easygoing as you, i.e. it’s his issue)

Sorry. This for me too. You did tell him not to bother going along. You then asked if you could get him anything, he asked for two simple products, not a long list. You didn't bother getting either. I'd have been fuming myself.

If you'd not made a song and dance about a bloody audio book he would have went along as offered and the sulk wouldn't have happened. If he had said he couldn't be bothered going then he'd have been slightly unreasonable, but he actively said he'd join you.

This isn’t really about yogurt and blueberries is it? It’s a lot more than that if you’re thinking about leaving

Reading between the lines @FrustratedCitizen44846 , he's making himself out to be the victim (over something rather trivial and you bought him what you thought was his preference - does he change the goalposts often?) while in turn making you feel shite enough to post on MN. It's not a one off, you walk on eggshells (that means his training of you is working), so much so you have considered breaking up with him (certainly worth keeping this in mind). Does he often manage to put a damper on plans?

I don't know - I'd be pissed off if DH offered to go to the shops and didn't come back with either of the things I asked for. Not because the specific items are important, but because it shows a lack of care.

Yep, just what I was thinking. Classic MN change to some details to swing the story back in someone’s favours.

I’d be really annoyed too if I asked DH for just two items and he got neither. I’d think he was really inconsiderate.

Bit funny that you chose to throw this in after being told how thoughtless you were many times 🙄

I agree with this. It's never a good sign when you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around someone.

If my DH forgot something from the shop I'd be a little bit disappointed but I wouldn't be annoyed at him. We all forget things from time to time and it's not like you deliberately set out to spoil his breakfast!

I’m totally with your DP on this one, I’m afraid.

It was careless to tell him not to worry about coming with you to the shop and then fail to get the two things he asked for.

Seriously so many uptight responses over a bit of yoghurt and blueberries, did people get out of the wrong side of bed today or not get what you wanted for your own brekky 🙄

Isn’t that the point though? Her DP didn’t get his breakfast so was sulky about it. Totally understandable! 😛

When I forget something I was asked for, I turn around and go out again for it

Wow! Feminism 101: The man is the bad guy in all things.

I know! Or maybe they have crappy partners that spitefully ruin every meal by deliberately forgetting one or two ingredients.

It makes me glad to have a DH who gives me the benefit of the doubt and I do the same for him in return.

This was the original 🔎🕵🏻‍♂️🤔

I also bought the wrong yoghurt; he asked for vanilla this time but I bought strawberry. The shop was packed and so in my haste I grabbed strawberry

Yes I’m procrastinating

Yep I'm on his side sorry. He did offer to come. You said no which means the onus is then on you to get it right.

I can’t for the life of me understand why people change a story if they truly believe they’ve been wronged.

Surely all the facts count? What was the need in “simplifying” it in the OP?

Don't have kids with him. If this is his reaction to forgetting fruit and not allowing him to come with you, imagine having to put up with him sulking and a baby.

Never should you feel like ' walking on eggshells ' in a healthy relationship...ever !

OP is the yoghurt and blueberries story (albeit real) just a way for you to ask about your partner’s behaviour? On the surface, most think you were at fault for not listening/!allowing him to join you etc and yes most of us would be annoyed at your perceived lack of thought etc.

However, I mentioned sulking earlier. Will his sulk last the day? Ruin the meet with friends? If so, that’s a disproportionate reaction and personally sulking to this extent would be an absolute deal breaker for me.

I've lived with someone overly critical and with whom I felt like you do, that a shadow had been cast over the day, that I felt on edge and walking on eggshells. I also couldn't express what was going on clearly because each thing on its own was petty and insignificant.

Maybe that's your situation, maybe not. What I would say is: you don't need a reason to break up with someone. You don't need a reason that someone else will agree with. "This just isn't working for me any more" is all you need - and the bonus is, there's no argument can be made against it. He can promise to change but you just shrug and say, "Sorry, my mind's made up."

I can see why he’s annoyed. He asked for two things and got neither. He wanted to come with you and you said no. He’s now sulky, and you’re sulky because he’s sulky. This is just a petty normal little fall out between a couple. Neither of you are being unreasonable, it’s just normal, domestic life. You’ll have another 1000 of these instances if you stay together. Forget about it in 10 mins.