To think it isn't normal to be this critical?

[FrustratedCitizen44846]

This morning me and DH were having a lazy morning in bed (no kids yet) when we realised we don't have any milk. I said "I'll nip to the shop and get some now then". He asked if I wanted him to come with me and I said no, don't worry, I can finish my audiobook on the way (it's a 2 minute walk). Before I left he asked me to grab him some vanilla yoghurt and some blueberries, too. Of course! No problemo.

Anyway as I'm milling round the shop I'll admit I was in my own world a bit, so I forgot to buy the blueberries. I also bought the wrong yoghurt; he asked for vanilla this time but I bought strawberry. The shop was packed and so in my haste I grabbed strawberry, which is his usual choice.

When I got home and emptied the bag of he looked a bit confused (and I will note didn't say thank you once). At that point I said shit, sorry, I forgot the blueberries, but there's a fresh punnet of strawberries in the fridge and bananas on the side of you want some fruit. And said my bad about the yoghurt.

I honestly thought nothing of it, didn't think it was a big deal (he could walk the 2 mins to the shop if he really wanted) but as I was eating my breakfast I could tell he was being a bit sulky. I asked him what's wrong and he said if I wasn't going to get him what he wanted he would've just gone to the shop with me, and it's not fair that I pretty much told him he couldn't come with me. I said that's not fair, all I said was "don't worry about coming with me, I have something I want to listen to anyway". It's not like it was a strict directive or anything, of course he could come with me if he really wanted to. And in any case the shop is literally two minutes from where we live. It's not a big deal.

Anyway he then goes off on this sulk about how I'm not very thoughtful and how it's impossible to say no to me (i.e. he couldn't push the point about coming with me to the shop).

I think he's being overly critical over what is an incredibly minor mistake and turning into some big character flaw. It's not like this sort of thing happens often, if at all.

Tbh there have been a few cases like this where I feel he's a bit too.... unforgiving? Critical?

It kinda puts me on eggshells at times, to the point I've considered breaking up with him. Taking today as an example, we're supposrd to be going out to meet some friends but now I feel really on edge and a bit sad. Feels like the day is ruined for no good reason.

But it seems like such a minor thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being unreasonable/overdramatic and that it's normal for him to be a bit miffed over things like this from time to time (we're all human after all).

AIBU?

Early relationship couple arguments. We used to be like this. I was very sulky about stupid shit, I admit. Don't worry, if you have kids and then teenagers, there will be so much more to get your head round, you'll argue about proper big stuff.

Then by the time they leave you'll be so old with a million health problems that you won't sweat the small stuff any more.

Someone going to the shop on your behalf will fill you with such gratitude that you don't care if they come back with half a rotten lemon, some brioche buns and a pint of sterilised milk.

I wouldn't be miffed for long but YABU .
He asked for 2 things - he got 0 but did get a consolation item ....there are 2 problems with that...you didn't forget
Ie got strawberry yoghurt
You remembered the book & the milk (your requirements).
He is not on your list of things to consider.

Also
It doesn't happen very often
VS
He seems unforgiving at times

Says it has happened but you forgot but remembered the bit that affected you
Ie unforgiving.

If it was a comedy series it would be funny (1970s funny...but funny)

He didn’t say thank you?

you literally didn’t get him any of the things he asked for, what’s he saying thank you for?

Tbh i would be quite annoyed if my partner didnt get either of the two measly things i asked for!

Tbf I’d be a bit annoyed as well, he only asked for 2 things and got neither of them but I’d be likely to just go off to the shop and get them myself if that bothered, I certainly wouldn’t let it drag on all day. You say you’re a go with the flow person, maybe he finds this approach frustrating? That’s not saying it’s wrong just that you could both be totally different people. The fact that you feel a bit nervous now about the rest of the day is ringing warning bells with me- if you had children would he start being hyper critical over how you parent etc. Maybe worth having a proper chat to find out if there’s something deeper that’s annoyed him and where you both see this going.

Wowsa op I'm sorry for the responses your getting. It's OK for him to be annoyed for a few mins and then absolutely you can expect him to get over it. But for frigging sake, to feel on eggshells and that your day is now ruined is absolutely not OK. I would dump the yogurt on his head if he used that innocent mistake to continue the day in a bad mood.
Especially if there is form for this. I would set some time aside and ask him point blank if he's doing OK in his life. And then explain that like this morning there are other times where your mood is torpedoed by his overreaction to things. Let him know gently how bad it makes you feel and ask if he knows he is being overly critical.
Because yes he is being overly judging

I think OP has forgotten she started a thread on MN, but oh, well, that's the crazy way she rolls!

This - why offer? It’s pretty thoughtless imo

I’d be pretty pissed off if you didn’t even try to get what asked for right especially if I really fancied them for breakfast so YABU

OP?

Hi
Im surprised at these responses. You didn’t do anything wrong other than space out in a busy shop. Ideal response would be to laugh about it when you got back and if it was a really big deal he could have gone back. If he makes this much fuss over a tiny thing then I feel it is only going to get worse over bigger things. He needs to chill.

This!

So he was upset you weren't thinking about him and then rather than sitting back and thinking how he might feel you try and turn it round that he is overly critical and he upset you for being upset? If this was a lady posting this the other way round everyone would be saying LTB

As the shop is only 2 minutes away I would have gone back and bought the correct things

Get over it, if that's all you have to worry about you are very lucky

It would have annoyed me that you forgot one of the things, and got the other wrong. It's not the end of the world, especially if it was a one off, but if you're always like this it would be quite irritating!

Literally all of the food he asked you to get him, you either got the wrong thing or forgot it. It was two items, not a full shopping list. I'd be a bit cheesed off too.

Do you not have a phone?

Wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest if you’d got me the yoghurt that I usually have and liked. The man-baby sulking would be very bothersome though. I think these kind of things can be a bit of a warning sign pre-kids, of course would need much bigger picture but if as you say he’s general sulky or inflexible that doesn’t bode well for family life if you’re considering having kids with him.

Didn’t you have your phone with you?
To ring him to check what he wanted if there’s a choice to be made
or if the blueberries look old or they’ve none left.
It seems OP your head is in the clouds

I think you’re one of those goofy people who doesn’t care about anybody but yourself and you make excuses and act like you don’t understand when people get annoyed at your feigned incompetence.

Everybody forgets things sometimes. That’s different from what you’ve described to us.

And you’ve admitted you lied in your original post. It was only a fib you said.

I’m trying to think of the word that describes people like you. You’re silly, but that’s not exactly the right word. Flaky, foolish. You do whatever’s convenient to you, forgetting what you don’t want to bother with, telling fibs because it’s easier.

You know, he probably just wanted to accompany you to the store, talk on the way, companionably, spend Sunday together. You insisted on going alone to finish 2 minute audiobook. Then you screwed up 2 out of 3 things, the two being what he wanted. You claim to not understand why he might be annoyed, and that he has problems. LOL. Projection at its slyest.

You just don’t get it.

^Tbh there have been a few cases like this where I feel he's a bit too.... unforgiving? Critical?

It kinda puts me on eggshells at times, to the point I've considered breaking up with him. Taking today as an example, we're supposrd to be going out to meet some friends but now I feel really on edge and a bit sad. Feels like the day is ruined for no good reason.

But it seems like such a minor thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being unreasonable/overdramatic^

There needs to be mutual empathy. Even when it's not a big thing for one of you, you need to understand it is a big thing for the other...

But if you feel he has been unforgiving on few occasions already, I'd say you're not being unreasonable - your feelings are always valid.

Is he capable of apologising easily and taking responsibility when needed or is it often 'your fault'?

She must be milling about in her own world, marveling at the vastness of the emptiness.

Op was baffled at not getting a thank you for failing to bring the two things she was asked to get. 👀

Some posters need to remember people come on here for support and not to be made fun of.