SAHM- DH wanting to give me ‘routines’ and ‘duties’

[SummerDuck]

So I’m a SAHM with DS1 (15), DS2 (9) and DD (3). DH works full time. He has recently started moaning about how I’m not doing enough around the house.

DD is at home full time other than being at nursery one day a week. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and general household admin. However, DH has said there is no not enough ‘output’. He therefore wants to introduce ‘routines’ and ‘duties’ whereby he will set out what needs to be done on a particular day and carry out checks upon returning from work.

So Monday will be garden day for example and the lawn will need to be mowed and leaves sweeped. Tuesday will be bathroom cleaning day and so on.

Is this level of micromanagement normal for SAHPs and should I just be grateful?

You dropped one of the kids out there, in your rush to castigate (look it up) the OP - you know, the one who’s home all the time.

P.S. it’s you’re

P.S. 5 under 6s - goodness…..

control freak

I'd tell him to fuck off tbh. He isn't your boss. How about throwing some statistics at him about how hard it can be being a stay at home parent (as they usually do most of the housework etc as well as childcare).

www.masslive.com/news/2020/01/stay-at-home-moms-work-on-average-25-full-time-jobs.html?outputType=amp

I understand that there are unsaid standards (ours are: whoever is at home cleans the kitchen, I am mostly in charge of decisions about food although we often shop together, I do most of the cooking but not all, and we'll both put a wash on if we are at home), but he isn't your boss. Perhaps you could have a conversation at some point about jobs you will endeavour to do, but aren't held to.

If he works in an office, please remind him to run the hoover round between meetings / phone calls or whatever. The least he can do is a quick dust around the premises and water the plants. I feel his output is inadequate. You need a daily report OP,

Laugh at him. Laugh at him hard.
Then tell him to fuck off.

I would laugh too. I am laughing now even though I understand it's not funny, sorry.
Obviously no, he may not introduce routines and tasks for you to do and checks for him to carry out. He's outrageous!

Is this the first time he's raised his unhappiness at the current position you're both in?

What do you do on the days the 3yo is at nursery?

Do you think he might have a point or are you happy with the current upkeep of your home?

You missed out a kid

@Ladywinesalot At least OP can spell.

'The point is to watch the kids'

Does that mean the wp shouldn't have to do any child care? Sign me up!

Except the op isn't watching kids all the time.

2 are in school full time, 1 in nursery part time.

So yeah.

She should be doing all the housework And most of the rest of the childcare

See I too can talk utter rubbish

Believe me, I don’t need any persuading on that front.

Do you often judge forum posters on their ability spell when posting on iPhones?

Please get a life, I’m Dyslexic so your an arse for judging me on y disability.

feel better?

Well that would get very short shrift from me! Does he think he’s running a business and you’re his employee? Unless you’re living in an uninhabitable hovel I’d tell him to eff off and ignore.

Have you just said that someone is useless to society?

Definitely shenanigans going on tonight. Thought it was a bit weird earlier.

I would put the 3 year old in nursery full time and go back to work full time. With the second income you can pay for some of household work to be done, and split whats left on evenings and weekends. That way you are both contributing the expense of having a family, and the domestic and child related responsiblities, and the hired help takes care of what it can, and there is less resentment.

I imagine he's starting to resent you not working now that 2/3 children are at school all day and one is not far from finishing high school.

I'd look at getting back to work.

@Ladywinesalot Not generally no but you were hideously unpleasant to the OP for absolutely no reason.

Don't dish it out if you don't want a response.

Nope. Time to get yourself a job and have him
contribute more at home

"or are your here as you are here as you to are useless to society"

Are you here as you are here as you are on the vodka?

Yes@FrostyFifi for judging my spelling on a forum.

I'm a SAHM too. I would laugh in DH face if he suggested this! Bloody cheek.