SAHM- DH wanting to give me ‘routines’ and ‘duties’

[SummerDuck]

So I’m a SAHM with DS1 (15), DS2 (9) and DD (3). DH works full time. He has recently started moaning about how I’m not doing enough around the house.

DD is at home full time other than being at nursery one day a week. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and general household admin. However, DH has said there is no not enough ‘output’. He therefore wants to introduce ‘routines’ and ‘duties’ whereby he will set out what needs to be done on a particular day and carry out checks upon returning from work.

So Monday will be garden day for example and the lawn will need to be mowed and leaves sweeped. Tuesday will be bathroom cleaning day and so on.

Is this level of micromanagement normal for SAHPs and should I just be grateful?

Ha!! What a douchebag. SAHP ≠ housekeeper.

So Monday will be garden day for example and the lawn will need to be mowed and leaves sweeped. Tuesday will be bathroom cleaning day and so on.

If he insists on this routine, I’d make Wednesday “Call a solicitor and file for divorce” day.

No not normal. Unless he has a point and you aren’t keeping on top of housework - with two at school and a 3 year old you should definitely be on top of jobs. Does he have a point at all about your output not being enough? If the house is kept tidy and you are generally on top of all jobs then he is being a dick. He is your equal not your manager - and as others have said it would totally give me the ick and turn me off sex!

Write out your own weekly schedule for DH and see what he thinks.
Mon: Work harder and increase your bonus this month. Buy flowers for wife.
Tues: Update CV and linked in. Pay wife compliment.
Wed: Speak to current Manager to discuss possibility of promotion in current company. Give wife foot massage in evening.
Thurs: Apply for 10 higher paid jobs with external companies. Look after kids in evening while wife goes out with friends for dinner.
Fri: Wife will also carry out her own checks to make sure that you are adhering to schedule.

See how he likes it.

LT (controlling) B

Not normal in anyway or okay. Tell him to jog on!! I'm a SAHM and my husband wouldn't dream of thinking that never mind it actually coming out of his mouth.

For you telling people they are useless to society shame on you.
Away with you now

It's a SHAM, a SHAM I say!

This is honestly bonkers. I work full time and my DH works part time. I really couldn’t care less what he does in the day, I know how difficult it can be to get anything done with small children around and I’d rather they spent some time doing fun things together than chores. They’re only little for such a short time. He does of course pull his weight, so most the shopping, cooking and washing etc but I’ve never micromanaged him.

There's nothing wrong with husband and wife discussing that maybe more things need to be getting done at home and how can we make that happen.

But not ok for one to dictate the schedule and 'check up' on the other like a line manager.

So is he your manager now?

OP apropos of nothing, do you have equal access to money without having to "ask"?

@SummerDuck I know everyone thinks you're reasonable, but you've not replied. so it makes me think that's either some kind of reddit reverse or you are actually busy, but not doing things to some misogynist's standard.

If you're at home with only one DD who is 3, you should be doing the majority of the housework during the working week, no-one wants to come home after a hard day's work to a dirty, untidy home, when the other parent has been sitting on their arse all day. It's very different with a baby where you're getting very little sleep and they need a lot of your time.

I'm a lawyer ( female) in the city of London. Your husband is talking absolute rubbish..

Do you give him a list of things you expect him to do when he is at home eg weekend

Is this level of micromanagement normal for SAHPs and should I just be grateful?

Grateful for what??? Having no paid employment & a shit dh who thinks he’s the boss?

I bet colleagues wives don’t have lists either.

Are there women in his team?

Give him a couple of duties in return:

1. Fuck off to the far side of fuck,
2. When you get there, fuck off again.

He’s your partner, not your boss.

Go back to work. Then you can both have ‘duties’. Although the day anyone ‘inspects’ my housework will be a cold day in hell.

Yeah.

My first question would be, what 'consequences' exactly is he envisaging if his 'checks' at the end of the day are not to his satisfaction? And why does he feel entitled to take this un negotiated position of authority and power over you?

And yes, then I'd go back to work.

I can understand having my own checklist. I still do.
Likewise at the weekend dh and I used to discuss what needed doing. But nobody dictated. Nobody demanded.
Op your dh’s delivery was so off. And bullshit do his peers get this. They are willy waving to each other

OP apropos of nothing, do you have equal access to money without having to "ask"?

This is an excellent question.

OP, please inform your H that most lawyers pay for cleaners.

I think the fact you started this thread is proof that you know instinctively he is out of line and controlling

That was exactly my thought.

Only a couple of people have mentioned your spelling/grammar.

Everyone else just thinks you’re being a bit of a dick.

Tell him that he can either accept your current output whilst acknowledging he only gets to work as he currently does because you facilitate it or you can go back to work FT and he can do half drop offs pick ups and split cooking and cleaning 50/50.

What a knob.