Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude not to wait for them?

145 replies

tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 18:54

Two nights a week my DH picks up his son from mum's house after he's finished work for him to come and stay here. It's about a 50 minute round trip. About 80% of the time he's left waiting outside the house for 20 mins or more because SS isn't ready (despite being told what time he's getting picked up)/isn't answering his phone/the door/can't find his keys or whatever.

I cook dinner for us and I have to wait til they get back before i can eat - often having to try and keep it warm. Tonight I had a 'fuck it' moment and ate mine because I was starving and fed up of waiting.

AIBU to stop waiting for them before I have my dinner? Or better still, sort my own dinner out on those nights and leave them to fend for themselves?

OP posts:
ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 31/05/2023 18:56

If they aren't back by the time you've done dinner, they can still eat together when they do arrive. I wouldn't be waiting for them ever time if it's regular.

TeenDivided · 31/05/2023 18:57

I'd cook for all 3 of you, but do something that reheats well.

Shinyandnew1 · 31/05/2023 18:57

I’d do something eg a chilli in the slow cooker that they can just help themselves to when they get in.

thesnailandthewhale · 31/05/2023 18:58

If you know they regularly arrive later than planned why don't you get the dinner ready for half an hour later than planned, that way they may be there by then?

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 18:59

thesnailandthewhale · 31/05/2023 18:58

If you know they regularly arrive later than planned why don't you get the dinner ready for half an hour later than planned, that way they may be there by then?

Because I might not want to wait til 7/7.30 to eat because of their messing around?

OP posts:
Imogensmumma · 31/05/2023 19:00

20 minutes isn’t really that long so I’d wait or plan for dinner to be later each time

Is it DSS who is unorganised or mum not ready for handover?

FloweryName · 31/05/2023 19:02

It seems a bit mean not to do dinner for them out of spite, but YWNBU to eat your dinner when you’re ready and leave theirs for them.

Mermaidpool · 31/05/2023 19:02

I'd make something they can reheat or in slow cooker then have mine when I was ready

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 19:02

DSS unorganised. Mum often not there. He's 16 FFS. I just don't see why my evening has to be disrupted because of the faffing.

OP posts:
musixa · 31/05/2023 19:03

TeenDivided · 31/05/2023 18:57

I'd cook for all 3 of you, but do something that reheats well.

Yes, do this and tell your husband you'll be serving dinner at 6:30 but if he isn't there on time, his and SS's will be waiting in the oven.

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 19:04

Also, sometimes I'm quite happy with a snack or something light but DH wants a 'proper meal.' So isn't it ok to say he cooks it himself if I don't want a big meal?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 31/05/2023 19:05

Isn't that just family life ... I would love to eat early but my DH likes to eat late so we compromise most of the time ... he is out now and has promised to BBQ when he gets in, so I am just sitting around waiting mumsnetting . I agree it's annoying but it's nicer to eat as a family, where possible, and make your SS feel welcome.

SavvyWavvy · 31/05/2023 19:06

tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 19:04

Also, sometimes I'm quite happy with a snack or something light but DH wants a 'proper meal.' So isn't it ok to say he cooks it himself if I don't want a big meal?

Why are you doing the cooking? Can’t your husband find the kitchen?

VisionsOfSplendour · 31/05/2023 19:06

I wouldn't wait to eat a meal I'd made when I was hungry because a teenager iincapable of sticking to an arrangement. Nope, he can heat it up or be on time

But I'm not a set meal time stickler and due to work and children's activities my family has always had a very flexible attitude to eating

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 19:07

@SavvyWavvy well a PP suggested that's what I should be doing. Because I have a vagina, presumably. And because the SS has to be 'welcomed'

OP posts:
IglesiasPiggl · 31/05/2023 19:08

7.30pm is hardly the middle of the night - you know what time they usually arrive so why even have this perception they are "late"?

Thelastofbus · 31/05/2023 19:15

I would wait for the sake of 20 minutes or
so. In fact I do wait all the blinking time for the family to get home
from swimming/football/work. Usually I find that a text before they leave helps me
with timing of it all. I don’t think 7:00/7:30
is late to eat at all.

But clearly you are fed up with being expected to have a
meal on the table. And fair
enough. They are both capable of getting their own dinner ready.

FiddleLeaf · 31/05/2023 19:17

tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 19:04

Also, sometimes I'm quite happy with a snack or something light but DH wants a 'proper meal.' So isn't it ok to say he cooks it himself if I don't want a big meal?

What do you do on the other 5 nights?

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2023 19:21

This is all reading quite strange.

Can you explain why you do the cooking op? (There may well be a reason but it isn't clear).

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 19:22

@FiddleLeaf it varies. Sometimes DH cooks for both of us, sometimes I cook, and sometimes we just have a snack. But it's more difficult for him to cook if he has the pick-up.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 31/05/2023 19:23

Honestly I eat between 5/6pm any later and I won't I would just snack or skip

Eat on time leave there's in the microwave

He only faffs because he can get away with it

SchoolShenanigans · 31/05/2023 19:27

In all honesty your attitude is a bit off to me. Your husband is collecting his tardy teenager. They're back by 7/7.30pm you say, that's a very average time for an adult to eat. I really don't get what the issue is.

Obviously, if you want to eat it earlier, then do that. But I think the nice thing to do would be to just wait and have a cup of tea or whatever to tide you over the extra 20/30mins it takes for them to arrive beyond the time you plan for.

You're making a big deal of this in my opinion.

Stripedbag101 · 31/05/2023 20:06

No of course you shouldn’t have to cook dinner for them just because you are a woman!! Does your husband cook for you the other nights?

sounds like the statist arrangement is a pain in the as for the poor kid. 20 minutes gaffing about or finding his school uniform for the next day, sorting out his school bag and trying to remember what books he needs and what his homework is. Teenager are not known for their organisation skills so maybe you could go east on him

HeddaGarbled · 31/05/2023 20:30

If the normal arrival time is 20-30 minutes after the time you’ve chosen, it’s the time that needs changing.

FiddleLeaf · 31/05/2023 20:44

tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 19:22

@FiddleLeaf it varies. Sometimes DH cooks for both of us, sometimes I cook, and sometimes we just have a snack. But it's more difficult for him to cook if he has the pick-up.

Gotcha. Could you get a couple of Charlie Bingham’s to throw in the oven when he messages he’s on his way back?

I wouldn’t wait indefinitely to eat but I get very hangry!