Is it rude not to wait for them?

[tiredofthisshit21]

Two nights a week my DH picks up his son from mum's house after he's finished work for him to come and stay here. It's about a 50 minute round trip. About 80% of the time he's left waiting outside the house for 20 mins or more because SS isn't ready (despite being told what time he's getting picked up)/isn't answering his phone/the door/can't find his keys or whatever.

I cook dinner for us and I have to wait til they get back before i can eat - often having to try and keep it warm. Tonight I had a 'fuck it' moment and ate mine because I was starving and fed up of waiting.

AIBU to stop waiting for them before I have my dinner? Or better still, sort my own dinner out on those nights and leave them to fend for themselves?

You just sound unnecessarily difficult. It is perfectly normal to eat at 7-7:30pm, if you are designated cook that day, then cook a bit later.

In all of this, OP, you are concerned that you are being rude while there are two people who are late for dinner. It’s boundaries thing, what you set as acceptable.

What about something different altogether - eat whatever you want at your early time, then get out of the house for an hour when they are due back - yoga glass, walk, something special just for you. The boys can have a bonding start to their evenings, cooking for themselves. You get out of the self-inflicted drama. Everyone is happy and fed when you are back, and you have done something useful with your time 8R stead of waiting and stewing.

Ok then. I'm 'unnecessarily difficult' because I don't always feel like playing the cook and welcoming the men home with a hot meal waiting for them 🙄

If this were me I would just tell them to eat on the way home and probably use the night as an opportunity to eat random food that I like and DP hates (or grab myself a takeaway and eat it in total peace whilst watching absolute crap on the telly). I love a night on my own!

If dp was annoyed about not having a home cooked meal, he could use the slow cooker and make him and ds a meal to eat when they arrive.

Teenagers can be annoying but they do also need cut some slack, they've a lot going on and they aren't adults despite appearances.

Regarding the food - do what you want but make sure you tell dh if you aren't cooking, just so he knows to expect to cook or whatever. I'd say that whether you / they were male or female btw.

Tbh it sounds like you just can't stand dss but I'm sure you'll scoff at that.

Eat your dinner, save them some or they can sort themselves.
My husband does Pilates Monday night, sometimes I dave him a plate sometimes I say he needs to sort himself. He gets jt - I'm sure they will understand.

I know, this is just dinner time in my house, a bit dramatic innit

I would not wait. Nor would I expect them to wait for me if roles were reversed.

This OP

If he's 16 I'd have thought it is good dad /son time to pick up something on the way home . Reduces the stress of being late and you eat when it suits you. Or have pizza in ready for them to do on return. Seems a stress about nothing really.

Right, now we get to the issue. This isn't about rudeness, this is about you having a routine that you don't want disrupted.

I suggest you either cook for yourself and leave them to their own devices, or cook something you can eat earlier and leave enough that they can heat up.

Also, it is not fair just to have a go at the 16 year old. Your DH is sat outside passively rather than chivving him along or having a conversation about punctuality. He should take some responsibility here too.

Also, it is not fair just to have a go at the 16 year old. Your DH is sat outside passively rather than chivving him along or having a conversation about punctuality. He should take some responsibility here too.

DH is doing both of those things. But it goes in one ear and out the other.

It's nice that you cook for them.
Could you cook SS's favourite and have it go cold?
Be disappointed in him for being late.
Praise him when he is on time with a special icecream.

You could also state the dinner time and wait ten minutes before it is packed away (to be eaten another night, reheated) and the two have to have a toastie.
Try to influence the 16 year old to learn punctuation.

Maybe Dad needs to beep the horn or threaten to leave without him and do so which requires his Mum to have to drive him or he rides his bike or he has to pay for his own taxi.
Dad needs to exercise discipline, reasonable expecations and consequences.

I deliberately and specifically said in the post you refer to “if you are designated cook that day”, to avoid any suggestion that I think it is a woman’s job to cook for men. Because I do not think that, I do not live like that and you are simply twisting my words into something I have not said.

Of course he can cook for himself on normal days but if he's not back until 7.30 on that day why not just put a spag bol or similar on for them and either eat it when you want or have a sandwich? Or is it more about him bringing his son home?

Being 'designated cook' should not mean that I have to wait around til they can be arsed to turn up though.

My DH teaches at gym twice a week & then my eldest DS is at some sort of sports training at least once a week. DH takes him. I cook dinner eat mine and they crack on when they get home. But I don't eat before 7 anyway.

Just eat yours. its only twice a week. Slow cookers are a godsend for these evenings.

Do you have teenage children?

I agree. Is it really worth the angst?

I have breakfast around 7am, lunch can be 12 or 4pm depending on my day but either way dinner around 9pm. I don't get how people eat at 6 then don't eat again before breakfast

And if you have problems with the 'gender roles' in your relationship or feeling unappreciated then that's something to tackle separately, but on face value I think it's a lot of fuss about nothing. Just make it a bit later 🤷‍♀️ Most adults can manage eating at 7.30 a couple of times a week.

If he's the one that wants the kid to learn to drive so he doesnt have to do pick up he can pay for it

Look at it this way. If you don't do it you will be teaching young DS a valuable lesson in the place of women I'm the home. So it's in his best interest that you stop this nonsense.

Me too bed about 1 up about 6.30. I'm often still working at 8pm as I have to do paperwork or training after the children go home (childmind 7.30 to 6)

Give them the option?- either you can make enough for all of you and they can heat it up or whatever or you can leave them to sort their own dinner out. They might prefer a maccy Ds anyway.