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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude not to wait for them?

145 replies

tiredofthisshit21 · 31/05/2023 18:54

Two nights a week my DH picks up his son from mum's house after he's finished work for him to come and stay here. It's about a 50 minute round trip. About 80% of the time he's left waiting outside the house for 20 mins or more because SS isn't ready (despite being told what time he's getting picked up)/isn't answering his phone/the door/can't find his keys or whatever.

I cook dinner for us and I have to wait til they get back before i can eat - often having to try and keep it warm. Tonight I had a 'fuck it' moment and ate mine because I was starving and fed up of waiting.

AIBU to stop waiting for them before I have my dinner? Or better still, sort my own dinner out on those nights and leave them to fend for themselves?

OP posts:
KingOfThieves · 31/05/2023 22:13

I dunno OP. It seems weird to make something to be ready the second they get in? Just plan it half an hour later and if they’re on time it gives them time to go to the loo, wash hands and get sorted etc

FairAcre · 31/05/2023 22:13

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 21:33

Why do you eat so early? I don't know anyone who doesn't have very young children who eats dinner before 8 pm. Waiting until 7.30 isn't exactly a hardship.

What a stupid comment. I know loads of people without children who eat at 6 o’clock.

Jibo · 31/05/2023 22:15

nahwhale · 31/05/2023 21:53

Haha what? She can catch up with him without having to sit there and eat with him? I often catch up with my DSC over breakfast if they've arrived quite late.

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It's nicer to sit around a table and share an evening meal together though. And 7.30 is not "quite late" if you're over 10 and under 80.

MathsNervous · 31/05/2023 22:15

Eat when you are hungry. Leave them to it. That's what tin foil is for. They can eat when they get in

MathsNervous · 31/05/2023 22:18

Jibo · 31/05/2023 22:15

It's nicer to sit around a table and share an evening meal together though. And 7.30 is not "quite late" if you're over 10 and under 80.

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There are other meal times to catch up.

MathsNervous · 31/05/2023 22:21

FairAcre · 31/05/2023 22:13

What a stupid comment. I know loads of people without children who eat at 6 o’clock.

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That's right, no one eats dinner before 8pm🙄

Except those who don't follow a working pattern of Monday to Friday 9 til 5 schedule.

Plenty get up around 4/5/6 am to start their day. Often 8pm is bed time in these situations 🤷The whole world doesn't revolve around 9 til 5 work 😂

quietnightmare · 31/05/2023 22:22

You know what you need to do Op is hang on in there.

Perhaps suggesting driving lessons when SS hits 17 shortly. Even get your husband to have a chat with mum about driving lessons and getting a car and he can drive himself over then and you and your husband can have tea when you want and have his heated up if he can't get there on time.

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 22:22

MolkosTeenageAngst · 31/05/2023 22:11

Well surely you know 1am isn’t a usually time for people who work 9-5 to go to bed. If you need to be up at 6 or 7 for work and want 8 hours sleep bedtime is going to be 10 or 11, so it makes sense people going to bed 2-3 hours earlier than you are going to be eating 2-3 hours earlier than you. If you usually eat at 8:30 that means people eating between 5:30 to 6:30.

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Not at all. I know many people who go to bed at 1 or later and who get up reasonably early. I get up at around 7.30 on days I'm working. I don't need 8 hours sleep, and I don't think most people need that much.

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 22:23

FairAcre · 31/05/2023 22:13

What a stupid comment. I know loads of people without children who eat at 6 o’clock.

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It's not a stupid comment at all. It's my experience of friends and a very large number of people who I come into contact with when I'm attending early evening work meetings.

nahwhale · 31/05/2023 22:24

Jibo · 31/05/2023 22:15

It's nicer to sit around a table and share an evening meal together though. And 7.30 is not "quite late" if you're over 10 and under 80.

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Well yeah it might be nicer but not for OP who's starvin hungry!

nahwhale · 31/05/2023 22:25

MathsNervous · 31/05/2023 22:18

There are other meal times to catch up.

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Yeah and it's not like he's only there once a month

nahwhale · 31/05/2023 22:26

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 22:23

It's not a stupid comment at all. It's my experience of friends and a very large number of people who I come into contact with when I'm attending early evening work meetings.

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Who has an early evening work meeting?! Do you work shifts perhaps?

nahwhale · 31/05/2023 22:27

quietnightmare · 31/05/2023 22:22

You know what you need to do Op is hang on in there.

Perhaps suggesting driving lessons when SS hits 17 shortly. Even get your husband to have a chat with mum about driving lessons and getting a car and he can drive himself over then and you and your husband can have tea when you want and have his heated up if he can't get there on time.

I'm sure he can sort out driving lessons for his son by himself why does he need to get a woman involved again?

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 22:29

I work with a number of school governing bodies, whose meetings start any time between 6 and 7 pm so usually finish between 8 and 9 pm. Im out on average two nights each week, In meetings with between 12-20 people.

sheworemellowyellow · 31/05/2023 22:31

I'm menopausal too. It's very good of you to entertain other opinions in these circumstances.

VisionsOfSplendour · 31/05/2023 22:35

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 21:33

Why do you eat so early? I don't know anyone who doesn't have very young children who eats dinner before 8 pm. Waiting until 7.30 isn't exactly a hardship.

You must live a very sheltered life if you aren't aware that eating before 8pm is a normal thing 😁

MolkosTeenageAngst · 31/05/2023 22:36

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 22:22

Not at all. I know many people who go to bed at 1 or later and who get up reasonably early. I get up at around 7.30 on days I'm working. I don't need 8 hours sleep, and I don't think most people need that much.

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Most adults need 7 to 9 hours with 8 being an average. That’s based on research rather than on what you think. Yes, some people can make do on 5 or 6 but that’s not the norm and not necessarilly healthy. Older people need less hours so maybe if you and your friends are retirement age it makes sense most aren’t needing as much sleep.

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 22:36

😆😆. I wouldn't say I lead a sheltered life at all.

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 22:37

And sadly no, I'm not retirement age. I've never needed more than six hours sleep a night.

Talipesmum · 31/05/2023 22:46

I’d make / prep the food for all, as long as your DH cooks on other nights so it balances out. But I wouldn’t wait if I was hungry or needed to eat earlier. Loads of food keeps warm well or can reheat quickly - we are always having to keep food warm for kids coming back late from sports matches / scouts etc. Pasta bakes, chili, fajita mix, whatever. Or we do tortellini pasta which takes about 3 mins to cook and they can just make it for themselves when they get in. Or if you’re having omelette potatoes and veg, do enough potatoes for all of you, and they can quickly do the veg and omelette when they get in.

existingusername · 31/05/2023 22:50

I'd wait. I wait everyday for dinner. I do dinner for when my partners home (I am the first one home so I cook) if he's picking kids up I wait so we all eat together even if Im starving. Never had family meals as a kid so I feel it's important to wait. I occasionally get hangry but it is what it is, it's not every night. I'm an adult I deal with it.

Screamingabdabz · 31/05/2023 23:00

The sexist answers on this thread 🙄 jeez people tying themselves into pretzels to accommodate the poor starving men. For the sake of two nights a week just have your own tea op and let them sort themselves out. Men are perfectly capable despite what the 1950s mindset would have you believe!

quietnightmare · 31/05/2023 23:00

@nahwhale

Why does he need a woman involved again 😂

Perhaps her husband and ex can split the cost of driving lessons and car obviously just like they would if they were together ..... how obvious

MolkosTeenageAngst · 31/05/2023 23:09

Growlybear83 · 31/05/2023 22:37

And sadly no, I'm not retirement age. I've never needed more than six hours sleep a night.

That’s lucky for you as I guess it means you have more hours in the day, but definitely not the norm. Most people need at least 7-8. I like to have 9-10 but I appreciate that is not the norm for most people (and also not something that’s achievable for me during the working week, but i would take it if I could!).

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 01/06/2023 06:56

Screamingabdabz · 31/05/2023 23:00

The sexist answers on this thread 🙄 jeez people tying themselves into pretzels to accommodate the poor starving men. For the sake of two nights a week just have your own tea op and let them sort themselves out. Men are perfectly capable despite what the 1950s mindset would have you believe!

Yep, that's the plan tonight!

OP posts: