Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends tightness ruining holiday.

281 replies

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:02

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

OP posts:
DividedHouses · 31/05/2023 22:21

YADNBU.
Your friend is BU.
I hope she gets back to the room and realizes this.
Like a PP I bet this also makes her think a bit about why she's bankrolling the unemployed bf's holiday. Bfs come and go, unlike you, a decade-long friend.
+1 for sending her this thread.
Either way, I hope she apologizes and you reach a compromise you are both happy with.
If not, good riddance to her. You enjoy yourself anyway!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 31/05/2023 22:25

Make sure you take the boat trip to the little island where they dined Star Wars and James Bond, is beautiful

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 31/05/2023 22:25

Films not dined

FerretFarm · 31/05/2023 22:27

I hope you're ok OP and have a good time despite your friend being a twat

LaurieFairyCake · 31/05/2023 22:28

That relationship is over Flowers

BallandBoe · 31/05/2023 22:28

OP, i've just finished reading this thread and all the way through I was agreeing with what everyone was saying, whilst being acutely aware that if you followed the advice given and talked to "your friend" then there was high chance she would turn it on you and call you selfish. And she didn't disappoint.

She is well out of order and I hope she comes to this realisation. However, I doubt that she will.

A lovely MN member has offered to take you out. Please, please contact them. You will have a great time!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 31/05/2023 22:32

Honestly, it’s probably better that it happened now before your whole trip is ruined by her Scrooge impersonation. I’ve never really seen a friendship survive a trip that’s gone sour so better that it happened now vs. after you spent the whole time with her nonsense.

Have lots of fun on your own! I’m not ashamed to say I’m jealous of you right now (well maybe not of your travel companion!).

LookItsMeAgain · 31/05/2023 22:40

So if she leaves, does that involve her getting a flight home? She'd be willing to pay for an unscheduled flight home rather than a decent meal and a couple of drinks?
Loopy!

Tilllly · 31/05/2023 22:40

This is so grim and very unfair
She shouldn't have booked the holiday with BF if she couldn't afford a second trip!!

PM @bluebunny1 and have a fun day together - and report back! 😊

ZenNudist · 31/05/2023 22:40

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Shes not a good friend. Bright side: you are in a fabulous place for a solo holiday. Take your book/kindle for company.

Boat trips on the lake a must. Flit between the different towns. Drink a coffee, get an ice cream, eat lunch. I loved the city of Como itself. You can get the funicular up the hill and take pictures of the view (lovely coffee shops etc up there).

Not done this but find a fabulous lido and sit by the lake sunbathing.

Also a glass of something at aperitivo time. Again at a bar/ restaurant with a view.

Stick it all on Facebook.

Have you got a bit saved from budget days? Can you book a train trip to belinzona? Unesco world heritage site in Switzerland not far from como. 3 different castles to see. I loved this.

Thepossibility · 31/05/2023 22:42

You need to get yourself out and enjoy every second of your only holiday. Leave her there, she can walk the streets looking for cheap things on her own.
Look at the brightside, now you can do exactly what you want to do with no compromise.
Cheerily say see you later and off you go. No more rows.
She's gonna have two shit holidays on the cheap.

billy1966 · 31/05/2023 22:44

Awful behaviour.

Her circumstances have changed so she has decided to ruin your holiday by slashing her budget.

Stop paying for her.

Go off and do things on your own and enjoy your holiday.

I hope he's worth your friendship with her

fetchacloth · 31/05/2023 22:54

OP contact that kind person who offered to join you on the boat trip and get on with enjoying the rest of your holiday, you deserve it.
And don't feel guilty for a minute. 😊

cakewench · 31/05/2023 22:58

OP you’re entirely in the right here, and good for you for speaking up. She is being ridiculous and tbh I’d be very upset at having the goalposts moved like this.

Honestly yes she might as well fuck off home if all she wants to do is have you spend money on her and walk around. (And tbh I love walking, both on holiday and at home, but not ONLY walking especially if you’ve literally planned all kinds of other sightseeing in advance)

Look up some tours and fill your days. I’ve traveled a lot and honestly, travelling alone can be quite fun especially if you find a nice group. You can do this!

PlacidPenelope · 31/05/2023 22:58

Sorry to hear that @Holytortilla your friend is being very selfish if she didn't want to spend any money she shouldn't have agreed to come.

Go and do your own thing, do all the things you were originally going to do, it's far better doing them on your own than with someone who doesn't want to do them and you will more than probably meet other people. Enjoy yourself and please yourself.

Jellifulfruit · 31/05/2023 22:58

Wow. She’s a dick. She’ll regret it. Hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your holiday!
presumptuous I know, but I can’t see her and this bloke lasting if he can’t even fund his own holiday with her. It’ll be a bit like a taste of her own medicine!

Throwncrumbs · 31/05/2023 23:01

I think you have gone away with my sister, everytime I go away with her she thinks I should get my card out! I used to book somewhere, she would pay part of her share then tell me she was skint, so I end up paying. Then when we get there she spends her money on tobacco and prezzies, then hasn’t got any money for food or drink. Gives me any loose change she has and thinks it’s ok for me to pay ‘will pay you back’ but never does! Time and time again I fall for it, but the last time I said ‘NO’ and she threw a massive temper tantrum, and we haven’t spoken since!

Sewingdufus · 31/05/2023 23:02

OP I’m sorry to read your update. I think your ‘friend’s’ response was predictable and as you said tight. The Love Googles are truly distorting and spoiling your holiday, I hope they don’t do the same to your friendship.

My advice remains the same, tell her what you’re doing and give her the opportunity to join you without restricting your choices.

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday.

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/05/2023 23:04

i would be absolutely BAFFLED if anyone on here thought you were being unreasonable op!

she is being soooooooo rude and out of order

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/05/2023 23:09

@Holytortilla

enjoy Italy op, make the most of it - you only live once!! Lots of lovely food, aperol spritz, boat trips, etc etc - so much to see and do where you are.
sorry about your friend, but she will be the one to have regrets about this trip- not you.

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/05/2023 23:13

pompomdaisy · 31/05/2023 22:16

It is crap. I went away with my friend in March and have two more holidays this summer. She had that one and I made sure it was special.

@pompomdaisy

you sound like a great friend 😊

HerMammy · 31/05/2023 23:15

we don’t need to spend tons to have fun.
What does she suggest on her €20 you can do in Italy? that'll barely buy lunch!!!

NutellaNut · 31/05/2023 23:15

Your friend is being ridiculous and cheeky expecting you to bankroll her or miss out. Definitely meet up with the poster who lives in Milan. Maybe you’ll make a lovely new friend out of this whole situation! That would serve your CF old friend right!

Beach11 · 31/05/2023 23:26

Go enjoy yourself. Leave her to be miserable

CharlotteStreetW1 · 31/05/2023 23:30

Well done for standing up to her. You now have the opening scenes for a classy romcom move.

Enjoy the rest of your trip 🍹