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Original poster

Friends tightness ruining holiday.

281 replies

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:02

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

OP posts:
youveturnedupwelldone · 31/05/2023 19:25

OP, always crappy when a friend does something like this.

BUT

Don't let it ruin your holiday. Lake Como is one of the most beautiful places on earth, don't waste your time there - leave her behind if she doesn't want to pay for things, it's too lovely a place to move around.

It's so expensive - I budget £100 a day when I go there too! It is not a budget holiday destination.

Ideas of some things to do -

Get the boats up and down the lake - sit on top by the side and just watch it all go by.

Go to Colico and finding the public beach (turn left from ferry port). The sand is sparkly, it's like a snowglobe. Shallow enough to paddle in - pick up the sand and watch it sparkle, honestly it's magical.

Bellagio if you're not staying there - gorgeous little town full of lovely shops. The tourist train is fun.

Como, and head up the funicular - great views at the top (como is not that nice otherwise).

There are lots of lovely beaches accessible from the ferry ports. What

Then tell her all about it over her £5 dinner 😆 it's her choice to be on a shoestring but doesn't have to be yours.

Elevel · 31/05/2023 19:28

Oh I totally sympathise, sounds taxing, not what you want from a holiday!
I went away to another big UK city with an ex, years ago, for my birthday. I saved and had birthday money to spend. He had around £30 to spend, and I remember one night walking for ages looking for somewhere he deemed cheap enough to eat - ended up with baked potatoes from a street stand.

Another holiday with friends, one friend who was always bad with money spent all of hers very quickly, then went in a huff when she came to the rest of us with a pile of souvenirs asking who was going to lend her the money, and all of us refused.

If you can, arrange to do your own thing. Eating out, I would honestly just go where you want separately, or if she wants to come expecting to be bankrolled, let her sit there with a tap water unless she pays her way. I wish I had done that instead of walking the streets eating my birthday baked potato from a paper tray. 😂

EmmaBarr · 31/05/2023 19:33

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:02

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

It can be disappointing and frustrating when plans and expectations for a trip don't align with those of your travel companion. It's understandable that you had certain things in mind for this trip and budgeted accordingly. It's important to communicate openly with your friend about your feelings and concerns to try and find a resolution that works for both of you.

The best thing you can do is-

Have a conversation: Express your feelings to your friend in a calm and non-confrontational manner. Let her know how her behavior is affecting your enjoyment of the trip and how you had different expectations for the shared experiences. Try to find a compromise or middle ground where you can still enjoy some activities and meals together without causing financial strain.

BellaJuno · 31/05/2023 19:46

Another one saying do what you want to do, tell her you are sticking to your original plans for the current trip and it’s up to her if she chooses to prioritise her money for her next trip.

knobheeeeed · 31/05/2023 19:46
  1. Stop buying her stuff. She wants to save money, she doesn't get an ice-cream. You don't want to save money. You get an ice-cream. ONE ice-cream.
  2. Go on the trips you want to go on. Start with the boat trip. There will be plenty of single travellers on it. I don't know whether you feel embarrassed or what, but there's absolutely no problem whatsoever booking a boat trip and going on it by yourself and enjoying it. Maybe you might get chatting to other people on the boat.
  3. If she starts making a fuss about dinner tonight and she only has 5 Euros or something, tell her you'll go your separate ways for dinner and meet up later as you've budgeted for more and want to treat yourself to decent food on the holiday.
BanditsOnTheHorizon · 31/05/2023 19:49

Do you fancy doing x tomorrow?
No thanks, I'm saving
Ok, no problem, you don't mind if I go on my own the right?

Do you fancy trying this restaurant tonight?
No thanks, I'm saving for my next holiday
Ok that's fine, I'll book it for myself and see you later

Solonge · 31/05/2023 19:53

Tell your friend this is your only holiday and you want to do stuff not just finance her next holiday with he4 boyfriend. Go off on your own, treat it as an adventure. Leave your tight mate to entertain and feed herself.

Readyplayerthr33 · 31/05/2023 19:53

She is your friend. Talk to her. Tell her how unfair she is being as this is a holiday you planned together and she is ruining it and ruining all the experiences you planned because she has a boyfriend. You don’t treat friends like shit just because you find someone with a penis.

MyLudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 31/05/2023 19:55

when she splits up with her boyfriends and wants to go away with you next year, make sure the answer is no!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/05/2023 19:59

MyLudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 31/05/2023 19:55

when she splits up with her boyfriends and wants to go away with you next year, make sure the answer is no!

Or yes only if she pays for all your meals and cocktails as you're saving up for your more important holiday

Sugargliderwombat · 31/05/2023 20:08

Just merrily say to her, I was really looking forward to the boat trip so I'm going to do it tomorrow.

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 31/05/2023 20:08

I'd make a point of buying just yourself drinks etc. I would not be subsidising her. You are effectively subsidising her next holiday and her unemployed bf if you pay for anything, don't be a mug. I'd be open and say "this is my only holiday so I'm going to enjoy it, if you chose not to spend any money that's up to you but I will be enjoying myself and spending as we originally planned (and I will not subsidising you!).

Bunnycat101 · 31/05/2023 20:08

I remember going for a trip as a student with my flatmates. None of us were exactly flush and we were staying together in a hostel but one of the guys was such a tight arse it made it really challenging. He’d come to the restaurants and sit there looking glum having a water, he’d refuse to get a bus and would suggest walking 6 miles to save money. It was joyless and we all got fed up and told him to stop ruining the trip as he was being so extreme. He was the richest one out of all of us.

DPotter · 31/05/2023 20:10

*Change the way you are asking, rather than, “Shall we . . . “ perhaps try saying, “Tomorrow I’m going to . . . would you like to join me?”
Then she still has control of her spending but doesn’t restrict your activities.

This is an excellent suggestion.*

careful - that could be read as I'll pay for you.

TakeMe2Insanity · 31/05/2023 20:13

Dovetail40 · 31/05/2023 17:09

Do activities by yourself.

Go for meals by yourself

Ask her and then say OK I'm booking

My ONLY holiday so I'm going to ENJOY IT.

stop buying her ice cream and cocktails.

Best advice!

Millieandmarv · 31/05/2023 20:18

I wouldn’t mind treating a friend to a cocktail or ice cream if they were a bit short but she literally has the money just doesn’t want to spend it.
CF alert.

crazyaboutcats · 31/05/2023 20:21

Enjoy your holiday doing what you want and planned to do and paying for just yourself

It's still a shame as you don't have the travel companion you thought youd have

2bazookas · 31/05/2023 20:52

Just say " Well, this is my only holiday so I'm going to make the most of it "
and do stuff without her.

Dovetail40 · 31/05/2023 20:58

Book onto excursions etc.
You will meet lots of new people and have a great time.
Sometimes you have whole day ones where you really get to know the group.

Leave friend at hotel counting her pennies

Zone2NorthLondon · 31/05/2023 21:16

Cut her loose, let her economise with tap water and a book. Go do your own thing
evening she can buy £10 starter you get your own items,don’t buy her owt

JudgeRudy · 31/05/2023 21:23

I think this would affect my friendship. She's essentially said you're not important to her. Even if she is madly with the new boyfriend and she values him more than you, its poor form to essentially back out of a commitment because something better has come along. If she had been up front, who knows maybe you could jave arranged a holiday with someone else. When someone shows you who they are believe them.

OhComeOnFFS · 31/05/2023 21:28

sonjadog · 31/05/2023 17:44

You are in beautiful place and don't let this selfish, rude person ruin it for you. From now on, go out and enjoy your holiday and if she wants to sit in the hotel and save money for her boyfriend, then more fool her.

Yes, this, and ffs don't pay for her food and drinks! She has the money but wants to spend it on her unemployed boyfriend. Go out for the day and enjoy yourself. Try to spot George Clooney while you're there!

JudgeRudy · 31/05/2023 21:35

I might be tempted to go for a middle ground. Go on holiday but wangle it so she's on her own when ge goes away. Find out his preferred date and say yeah, shouldn't be a problem with work....then when he's booked his say Oh, I can't do that week. How about the week after.
Seriously though, yes it would irritate me a bit but not enough to cut my nose off fo spite my face. She's not been devious or sneaky about it has she's been upfront and honest.

Daffodil92 · 31/05/2023 21:37

JudgeRudy · 31/05/2023 21:35

I might be tempted to go for a middle ground. Go on holiday but wangle it so she's on her own when ge goes away. Find out his preferred date and say yeah, shouldn't be a problem with work....then when he's booked his say Oh, I can't do that week. How about the week after.
Seriously though, yes it would irritate me a bit but not enough to cut my nose off fo spite my face. She's not been devious or sneaky about it has she's been upfront and honest.

What do you mean? The OP is already on holiday with her. The holiday with the boyfriend is a separate trip.