Friends tightness ruining holiday.

[Holytortilla]

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

Oops...I've replied to wrong post! Looks like OP isn't the only one who's holiday arrangements are deemed a sorry second choice.

I think I’d have to say something or you risk not doing anything you want to do on your pot holiday this year (in a destination you’ve wanted to go to for some time!)

”Brenda, I understand that you want to save your your holiday with Kevin. This is my only holiday this year and I’ve wanted to come here for a while so I intend to enjoy it. I’m going on the boat trip tomorrow, would you like to come too?”

Only holiday. Not pot holiday 😂

How did dinner go?

I agree with most of the others, just do your own thing and if she doesn't want to join you, too bad. I certainly wouldn't subsidise her.

FWIW I think she's pretty dim to spend 5 of her 20 euros on a coke and having only 5 left for dinner, but each to her own.

Just tell her straight, it's your only holiday and you've spent £X on flights and accommodation, you're not going to spend it sitting round staring into space or reading stuff on your phone, and you don't want to hear her complaining.

Hi all, apologies for the late response because it’s pretty much kicked off. We were searching for a place to eat and friend of course saying no to everything. So in the end we stopped in the street and I asked her why she had even come as she was determined to not enjoy herself at all, spend any money beyond the minimum and reserve it all for her “next holiday”.

She in return said that I was selfish, that a holiday should be about us both and what we both want to do and that we don’t need to spend tons to have fun. I said no, but we need the minimum to be able to eat here and I can’t bank roll her and she essentially called me horrible. So she went back to the room and I had dinner alone.

I’m guessing she will want to either leave now but I’m going to spend my holiday alone enjoying myself as unlike her I don’t have another planned in three weeks.

Hope you are ok. She is being unreasonable. It was unfair to book a holiday with you then not be willing to partake in the holiday. I would from this point make your own plans and give her the option to come. And stop paying!

Well on the plus side you now have your answer... Her comments were out of order and she should have said something before you went and were planning what to do.

Hope you can now relax and enjoy yourself.

As a side note... do you think this relationship with this guy is a healthy one? Going on holiday together despite him having no job?? Doesn't sound right.

She might still calm down and come round. She was probably embarrassed to be confronted about you bankrolling her (which was the right thing to do by the way). It was probably also playing on niggling doubts in the back of her mind about if her boyfriend is sponging off her.

I'm glad you went out to dinner alone and I hope you get to enjoy the rest of the holiday, whatever it looks like.

Sorry to hear that OP but at least you can now get on with having your holiday and leave her to her bag of crisps and one coke per day.

It’s not ideal and I feel for you but make the most of the time you have left on your trip.

And sorry if I sound mean but I don’t think her dream holiday with her unemployed Romeo will be the fairytale she’s fantasising

She sounds like a fucking idiot.
“The holiday is meant to be about what we both want”
But what she actually meant was “This holiday should be about what I want and you need to just do what I say or I’m going to call you names.”

She is a bitch. Send her this thread.

I hope you're ok You actually did the best thing and told her straight and I think it blew up as she got defensive knowing you're right.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday and get the most out of your time

She in return said that I was selfish, that a holiday should be about us both and what we both want to do and that we don’t need to spend tons to have fun.

The problem with this argument is that it works both ways doesn't it. You want to be able to get ice cream, meals out, a glass of coke here and there and the odd boat trip - and that was what she wanted too when you agreed to book the holiday together. She has changed her mind, but she's not meeting you in the middle, say with a budget of 50 quid a day, or doing an excursion every other day, whilst at the same time she is happy to take your money for niceities like meals and treats. At the moment it's not half way, it's all the way over in her-her-her land.

Haha, these are pretty much my thoughts but I was going to sugar coat it a bit.

She should be fucking embarrassed. I'm glad you are going to make the most of your holiday and I hope you have a great time.

I'm sorry OP, this is all so shitty. YADNBU.

I would also do things alone but the friendship would be ruined for me. You didn't plan a holiday alone.

I think do your own thing and when you do speak to her again say -

I feel you've been very unfair. We planned this holiday together. You then made plans with your boyfriend which made ours impossible. If you wanted to budget so heavily to the point we can't do anything then you should have let me know before we were committed to this holiday. I'm not going away again in three weeks. "

Oh no! That’s really upsetting and disappointing. Hope you manage to enjoy your time there, sounds like her priorities have really shifted. ☹️

Oh dear - she has massive love goggles on- she should have just been honest and admitted she didn't want to come any more (I imagine too late to cancel and get money back, so she came along with the intention of not spending anything).

I hope you can put this to one side and still enjoy your holiday. You are somewhere very beautiful, make the most of it. Can you phone family/friends to have a chat and a laugh?

As a side note - I went on holiday with a guy who kicked off half way through - I still had the most glorious and relaxing holiday swimming in a blue, blue sea and eating donuts on the beach (it wasn't Clacton!). The only awkward part was the night time - we had no funds for an additional room and the one we had was basic, so we both lay rigid on opposite ends of a small double trying not to let any body part touch!

She’s being a dick. Enjoy doing whatever you like for the next few days. If she wants to flounce off home then let her. No loss.

This

Went on holiday with someone like that once - she wanted a takeaway veggie burger every single evening🙄
I put up with it for a couple of days, then just did my own thing - we did some stuff together in the day, but for me, trying nice restaurants is part of being away & spending the evening, and I wasn't suggesting outrageously expensive restaurants (although I did try a couple when I went off by myself).

Spending the evening on a bench in a public square with a bloody burger, or sneaking it into the hotel to stink out the room definitely not my idea of fun.

Sorry it has come to this @Holytortilla but really glad you've taken control. Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday

It is crap. I went away with my friend in March and have two more holidays this summer. She had that one and I made sure it was special.

Just caught update. Sorry it’s turned out this way but hope you are enjoying yourself.

i’m slightly concerned about friend who is going on holiday with her unemployed partner. How can he afford it? Is he expecting her to pay for it? (Is she being controlled by him?). The sudden change in her attitude suggests something may not be right.

Don’t let her spoil your holiday @Holytortilla , do the boat trip tomorrow or find a tour to join .

That is awful. I hope you have a good trip without her!!!