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Original poster

Friends tightness ruining holiday.

281 replies

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:02

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 31/05/2023 23:30

She is taking the PISS!!

Go and enjoy yourself, OP. Leave the miserly git on her own.

GeorginaBell · 31/05/2023 23:30

I don’t think it’s a case of you or her being unreasonable. I think you can both have the holiday you want by just saying you appreciate she might not want to do everything that you want to take advantage of while you’re there so perhaps whilst you’re off in various places you can arrange to meet her after. Then you can both do what you want. In this situation it’s best neither dictates what should happen. She’s doing what she feels is best for her so you can too but with no hard feelings.

CleanCar · 31/05/2023 23:39

Ee let her stew. Hopefully she sees shes out of order and apologises.

tt9 · 31/05/2023 23:42

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 21:59

Hi all, apologies for the late response because it’s pretty much kicked off. We were searching for a place to eat and friend of course saying no to everything. So in the end we stopped in the street and I asked her why she had even come as she was determined to not enjoy herself at all, spend any money beyond the minimum and reserve it all for her “next holiday”.

She in return said that I was selfish, that a holiday should be about us both and what we both want to do and that we don’t need to spend tons to have fun. I said no, but we need the minimum to be able to eat here and I can’t bank roll her and she essentially called me horrible. So she went back to the room and I had dinner alone.

I’m guessing she will want to either leave now but I’m going to spend my holiday alone enjoying myself as unlike her I don’t have another planned in three weeks.

very happy for you that you stood up to her. I prefer to travel solo anyway for this and many other reasons. just go ahead and enjoy the rest of the holiday on your terms. either your friend will come to her senses or she is not really your friend. although even the best of people can loose their minds and burn bridges when infatuated.

FinnysTail · 01/06/2023 00:28

I’ve just read your update. The truth hurts! Let DF do what she has to do. She’s not a true friend. let her go.

Enjoy every minute of what’s left of your holiday. You have nothing to answer. I hope you got in touch with the poster who lives near where you are staying.

Rogue1001MNer · 01/06/2023 00:32

I felt so sad reading your update @Holytortilla

Maybe she'll come to her senses after a night's sleep 🤞

I really hope you do take up the lovely offer from @bluebunny1 .
It reminded me of this gorgeous thread, which is in classics

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/2994102-Help-Epic-hotel-choice-failure
(Assume if you're spending time alone, you've got time to read it!)

Help. Epic hotel choice failure | Mumsnet

So here we are in a family hotel in Italy on holiday, near Lake Garda. We are supposed to be here for two weeks and it's costing 5800 euros full board...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/2994102-Help-Epic-hotel-choice-failure

Gothambutnotahamster · 01/06/2023 00:44

uncomfortablydumb53 · 31/05/2023 22:08

I hope you're ok You actually did the best thing and told her straight and I think it blew up as she got defensive knowing you're right.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday and get the most out of your time

Completely agree. Hope you're able to have a great time alone Op.

GeorginaBell · 01/06/2023 00:50

So to her she’s dictating that unless you do the holiday her way you’re horrible?! FFS. Go off and do absolutely everything you want to do now and you will likely have to converse at some point. Just say you were really looking forward to the holiday and experiences together with her and whilst you already did accommodate her including paying for various drinks etc you thought she might for you too but hopes she has all the best experiences on her next trip!

sonicmum2002 · 01/06/2023 01:16

I hope you managed to salvage the holiday and could take up the lovely offer from the PP! Your "friend" sounds ghastly... I have a similar one ehom I sm stepping right back ftim

Densol57 · 01/06/2023 01:31

I travel the world solo a lot, with friends ( according to their budget ) or with my partner when he can as he still works.

Sightseeing by yourself in Italy is wonderful. Doing what you want, seeing what you want to see and eating delicious foods.

Go off tomorrow and book adventures by yourself and leave her behind.

Emotionalsupportviper · 01/06/2023 07:09

You did the right thing @Holytortilla - but it's such a shame she couldn't see how unreasonable she was being as it leaves a very unpleasant atmosphere - but you absolutey had to tell her that you couldn't keep funding her. Well done taking the bull by the horns - it isn't easy!

TBH I think she became aggressive/defensive because she was expecting you to bankroll her - she thought that the money you saved by not enjoying the excursions you both planned would be spent buying her meals and cocktails! And now of course, she doesn't have a Bank of @Holytortilla to get her through the remainder of her "holiday".

She may have calmed down and come to her senses a bit by the time you get back to your room/s tonight - I hope so, but if not, go ahead with your plans, have a great time, meet up with the MNer who has offered to enjoy a day with out with you (that would be great as she knows the area and will be able to show/tell you things you might otherwise have missed) and just have a lovely relaxing time.

Also- I agree with a poster upthread who said her "dream holiday" with hercocklodger new boyfriend will not be the hearts-and-flowers-romantic-Disney fantasy she is expecting. I wouldn't be surprised if it all ends in tears.

Don't show her this thread, though - that would be unnecessarily cruel.

Enjoy the rest of your stay.

)PS - don't "lend" her any cash - you will never see it again!)

(PPS - what on earth possessed her to book two holidays so close together? No matter who they were with - just far too close together)

Emotionalsupportviper · 01/06/2023 07:12

Stick it all on Facebook

Definitely do this!

Almahart · 01/06/2023 07:16

You have definitely done the right thing, I hope you're able to enjoy the rest of your trip.

Quinoawoman · 01/06/2023 07:18

To be honest, I don't think you have any right to tell her how to spend her money, even though I can see that this would be a downer. I would just go on the days out without her and put up with a few cheaper meals/cooking.

Emotionalsupportviper · 01/06/2023 07:25

Rogue1001MNer · 01/06/2023 00:32

I felt so sad reading your update @Holytortilla

Maybe she'll come to her senses after a night's sleep 🤞

I really hope you do take up the lovely offer from @bluebunny1 .
It reminded me of this gorgeous thread, which is in classics

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/2994102-Help-Epic-hotel-choice-failure
(Assume if you're spending time alone, you've got time to read it!)

Thank you so much for this link! I am reading through the OP's (@Boffinmum)'s posts now an they are brilliant - veering from near throwing-self-on-floor-weeping-like-a-Duchess to sheer euphoric joy). Meeting another MNer ("@patsy")obviously improves quality of life

I am consumed with envy and curiosity about the Bee Museum. And now I'm reading on.

However, @Holytortilla , I suggest thaton every excursion and in every restaurant, you stand up and say loudly "Any MNers on here? Fancy some company?"

I'll bet there will be someone to pal up with every day.

GeorginaBell · 01/06/2023 07:28

Quinoawoman · 01/06/2023 07:18

To be honest, I don't think you have any right to tell her how to spend her money, even though I can see that this would be a downer. I would just go on the days out without her and put up with a few cheaper meals/cooking.

yet her friend is dictating how she spends her money though. By not doing things. That’s the issue. They should both do their own things the OP has compromised by paying for her and doing less already. It’s her holiday too she deserves to do what she wants now.

Emotionalsupportviper · 01/06/2023 07:30

AND AN ALAN SHERMAN SONG ADAPTATION!

@Boffinmum - if you are still here - thank you for your delightful posts!

custardcreme77 · 01/06/2023 07:35

Rogue1001MNer · 01/06/2023 00:32

I felt so sad reading your update @Holytortilla

Maybe she'll come to her senses after a night's sleep 🤞

I really hope you do take up the lovely offer from @bluebunny1 .
It reminded me of this gorgeous thread, which is in classics

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/2994102-Help-Epic-hotel-choice-failure
(Assume if you're spending time alone, you've got time to read it!)

Thank you so much for posting the link. An enjoyable read.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/06/2023 08:02

Quinoawoman · 01/06/2023 07:18

To be honest, I don't think you have any right to tell her how to spend her money, even though I can see that this would be a downer. I would just go on the days out without her and put up with a few cheaper meals/cooking.

@Quinoawoman

lol who wants to cook on holiday?!?

op’s pal is being unreasonable, end of.

jeaux90 · 01/06/2023 08:14

Well done OP she stropped because she knew she was being unreasonable. I hope you find a way forward today.

Hugasauras · 01/06/2023 08:38

Well done, OP! Sorry it didn't go down well but you did the right thing. Make the most of your holiday! Hope you have a great day.

bogbabe · 01/06/2023 08:55

Good for you. Agree that she has love goggles on and changed her priorities, which is such a shame.

How was your trip to Italy, how was the food and the local restaurants? I don't know, I survived on sandwiches... WTF?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/06/2023 08:56

I'm really intrigued how old are you both?

SparklyBlackKitten · 01/06/2023 09:00

Go out yourself . Go and explore.
Italy is too beautiful to be sitting there and feel miserable

Or go to whatever restaurant and order yourself something big and nice. Tell her youll be bill splitting so no need to worry it wont add to her bill.

.try to enjoy it !!!
🌷

Sartre · 01/06/2023 09:04

€100 a day is about right imo, depends where you are of course but considering that’s 3 meals, drinks, travel and tourist attractions it’s about right. She shouldn’t have come away with you if she isn’t willing to do anything whilst there.

Pleased you’re going to enjoy it without her now, I strongly suspect this will be your last joint holiday.