Hate being asked what I do

[EggDaisy]

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

Crikey what sort of people are you mixing with? I’m just an ordinary working class person who has mixed with all sorts of people for work and I’ve never yet met someone who looked down their nose at me because I wasn’t one of their ‘type’. Or if they have I’ve been oblivious (ie not cared so haven’t registered it).

Certain middle/upper middle class people- particularly those who I think are little insecure about their own backgrounds and want to appear more posh than they are. Some of the private school parents are like this locally - have met them in sports groups.

I've had it the other way round though too, inverted snobbery - I used to sometimes feel I didn't fit in anywhere, too posh for some and not posh enough for others!

I've had it the other way round though too, inverted snobbery - I used to sometimes feel I didn't fit in anywhere, too posh for some and not posh enough for others!

Oh yes to the inverted snobbery. I don't need to tell them my occupation to be subject to that, though. They go by accent.

It's a perfectly normal question.

I almost always ask my patients what they do, or if they are elderly, what they did pre retirement. I've had some incredibly interesting conversations and stories. I had a chap recently who was an actor, not a famous one, but he had all sorts of stories about famous people! never ever had anyone be offended by this question. I deal with a lot of homeless people, severe mental health patients, severely disabled people etc who don't work - we talk about other things!

I've never really fitted in where I live , but it's mostly because most of the women are like Amanda in the Motherland comedy. It's affluent ( in some areas of town ) but certainly not as affluent as some other areas are , but they just feel they are 'better ' than other people. 'Fitting in ' is hard work , so I dont bother. The Towie types are the worst and they like their groups of people who are like them.
Leaving them to it is for the best.

Depends in what context. I can usually tell when people are just making conversation, genuinely interested, or trying to pigeonhole.

In general, I hate the question. My work does not identify me. It's just work. For others, when they feel it is part of their identity, they probably welcome being asked to talk about it, likewise if they have a job they are proud of.

I’ve never knowingly met any upper class people so couldn’t say on that level. Although I’m working class my kids did go to private school and some of the mums were way ahead of me on the social ladder but I can honestly say I never sensed any hostility or snobbishness from any of the ones I made chit chat with (ie no looking me up and down etc). The ones I’d chat to in school social settings were always very nice even if they weren’t necessarily my particular cup of tea.

@Catspyjamas17 Just to add though I totally know what you mean about being too posh and not posh enough but that’s from me and no one else. No one has ever made me feel like that except me (working class upbringing but live a middle class life so I’m neither here nor there).

I’m a Careers Consultant- I am genuinely fascinated by what people do and their Career Journeys- I especially love to hear about things that are unusual or quirky, and people who have taken twisty turny paths to get where they are. I’m very nosy but not at all judgemental. A lot of my work is helping people to be happy with what they do and that happens in so many different ways - inside and outside of work. A job doesn’t define you unless you want it too.

Having said that, it’s what most of us do most of the time, so I think it’s a logical thing to ask about

Are you on OnlyFans, but not THAT kind of OnlyFans?

You know the rare ones, where you painstakingly crochet all day by the fire while sipping tea from a bone china cup?

It’s a universal question and you need to deal with it. You will be asked to answer this question for the rest of your life so get used to it. Lie if you have to but you can’t change the world, you have to adapt.

I coulda been a contender!

So what are the approved questions someone can ask you?

Screams chip on your shoulder.

@Berlinlover why? The people working in my local supermarket are fab - hard working, helpful, friendly. I can’t think of anything bad I’d think of them. I struggle because people don’t understand my job from the title so I just go with admin for the local hospital… I love my job but appreciate it’ll bore others 😆.

I have an irrational hatred for this normal question too. However, some really hate what I do, many misunderstand it, and others have realistic expectations of it, so I hate it as a result.

So, what job do you do??

I love my job and will happily gas about it all day, people seem to find it interesting.

Not naive, I couldn't care less how people want to judge me or categorise me.
I'm me, I'm comfortable as me, their opinion of me doesn't matter to anyone but them. I'll answer their question because I'm not neurotic, and I'll move on with the polite conversation.

For what it's worth, I'll often ask people what they do for a living because I'm genuinely interested, go figure

My job is complex. Even my OH can't explain what I do and we've been together for 14 years.

So when people ask, I oversimplify. "I'm a programmer".

It's normal for people to ask questions about you, it's normally a good sign, so just have some canned responses or make a job up!!!

I think it’s just a part of getting to k ow someone or keeping a conversation up

YABU and if your work situation is a bit sensitive or tricky for whatever reason you should have a canned response ready that either turns the question back or is vague etc.

No one is interested in what you do, even when they ask- it’s just an ice breaker, conversation starter.

For some, it is just an ice breaker question. But for others, it's a way to find out a lot. I personally don't mind the question as I have a fun and creative job and love talking about it. My DH hates the question and finds it invasive and he also doesn't want to think about work, let alone talk about it outside of working hours.

I find it amusing when I am asked what I do for a living...nothing exciting just a very part time bookkeeper, often the conversation heads to... oh, so is it local company you work for? which I then have to reply...no it's my XDH's business. If current DH is beside me I see their eyes flick from me straight to him and back again to gauge any potential ill feeling but it's all fine and dandy - no issues but some folk do find it odd.
I think you're overthinking it a little OP, people are just inquisitive and it's a pretty standard question imo.

I might ask you what you do if you had, for example, said oh I just got home from work. I genuinely don't care if you stay at home, clean loos, work at maccys or are a CEO of a massive corporation. Its a natural next step in that kind of conversation. The only thing I'll judge you on is whether you're a nice person. If you're not, then I won't talk to you anymore than I have to. Some people might judge you differently based on your profession but if they then look negatively at you, that's their issue and you don't need them.

I have one of those jobs that isn't straightforward too. If people ask me i just say the sector I work in and if they're actually interested I tell them what I do. If they're not, the sector usually satisfies and they move on to the next part of our chat. It's not that hard. Also, if people don't understand what you do it's hard for them to judge any of the things you think they are, because they don't know what you do!

My first question would have been:😊 did he have to try them out to see if they "worked"...

It is a very intrusive question yes I hate. I just say admin then most people are like hmmmm I really want to know now. Don’t listen to these nosey people saying it’s a normal question lol