Page 22 | Hate being asked what I do

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 01/06/2023 21:17

EggDaisy · 31/05/2023 07:17

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

I don't mind being asked but for security reasons, I'm not supposed to disclose my specific workplace so I have to be quite vague and say I work in the Civil Service. Add in the fact that I work in HR and I feel like I'm immediately judged as being a Government-worshipping bitch who loves making everyone's life a misery by disciplining them (despite the fact my "branch" of HR has nothing to do with that).

People will find something to judge regardless of what you say - used to be a teacher, would get asked what it's like working part time (yawn); used to work in retail, would be accused of having no ambition, so now I just tell people and let them think what they like.

If you're not comfortable sharing what you do, obviously you dont have to but probably easiest to just keep in vague - go for the closest "profession" or the company you work for and if they push, then I'd go down the "little of this, little of that". People will make assumptions even if you don't tell them so may as well give them something vaguely factual to work with.

Redragtoabull · 01/06/2023 21:50

I find it rude if it's a 'first question' but to many is an ice breaker. Don't over think it, you seem guarded about your profession so I would be super curious with a bit of this and that .. or more wary!

eastegg · 01/06/2023 22:00

peacelemon · 31/05/2023 07:27

Just say ahh let's talk about something else and chat about something you find really interesting. They are only trying to make conversation - if you can make a better one then do it and don't leave them to do all the leg work.

Love ‘let’s talk about something else’!!😂. If anything’s going to get them probing, that will. They’ll think you’re either a sex worker or just out of prison. Or maybe the Home Secretary.

kertuit · 01/06/2023 22:08

I find it quite a triggering question as I was unable to work for years due to health issues. People definitely judged me for not having a career then. Now I still struggle to maintain a real job, but have run a limited company for 5 years which is entirely loss-making, but allows me to say I do X although I usually change the subject after that. People are still judging me but assume I must good at X to have a business.

BaconChops · 01/06/2023 22:17

I moved into my own bought house with my children after my divorce. Nice area etc…. The neighbour asked me what I did professionally to afford here, by myself with 2 children. I told him I was a pole dancer 😂 months later when I was off to my job in my suit he said, you’re not a pole dancer at all are you?! I deserved that. Some people are just plain nosy. Just make something up 😊

mujerofmine · 01/06/2023 22:27

Love ‘let’s talk about something else’!!😂. If anything’s going to get them probing, that will. They’ll think you’re either a sex worker or just out of prison. Or maybe the Home Secretary.

🤣

FindingNeverland28 · 01/06/2023 23:17

if you don’t want to share, then you could have a little bit of fun with it… ‘I design the bubbles in spirit levels’

EbonyRaven · 01/06/2023 23:40

FindingNeverland28 · 01/06/2023 23:17

if you don’t want to share, then you could have a little bit of fun with it… ‘I design the bubbles in spirit levels’

😆

RampantIvy · 01/06/2023 23:49

Hmm1234 · 01/06/2023 21:04

It is a very intrusive question yes I hate. I just say admin then most people are like hmmmm I really want to know now. Don’t listen to these nosey people saying it’s a normal question lol

No, it really, really isn't.

Why do you think it is intrusive? What makes you think you are so important to random strangers that their opinion matters to you so much?

I won't see 60 again, and I am well past worrying what people think of me. Once you realise this it is very liberating. And it is this that gives you that inner confidence not to care.

stacyvaron · 02/06/2023 00:33

AlyssumandHelianthus · 31/05/2023 07:18

People are just making conversation. They don't care what you do.

This

CatAndHisKit · 02/06/2023 00:42

Crampo · 31/05/2023 07:31

If someone told me they lived by doing 'this and that' I'd assume they were a petty criminal.

This is probably reflective of the circles I move in.

😂
Love it! the second sentence too.

00100001 · 02/06/2023 06:42

Hmm1234 · 01/06/2023 21:04

It is a very intrusive question yes I hate. I just say admin then most people are like hmmmm I really want to know now. Don’t listen to these nosey people saying it’s a normal question lol

Really? Intrusive? It's just a conversation starter.

What do you talk to people about that you've just met to get to know them a bit better?

00100001 · 02/06/2023 06:44

Yorkshireteaformethanks · 01/06/2023 19:37

I find it amusing when I am asked what I do for a living...nothing exciting just a very part time bookkeeper, often the conversation heads to... oh, so is it local company you work for? which I then have to reply...no it's my XDH's business. If current DH is beside me I see their eyes flick from me straight to him and back again to gauge any potential ill feeling but it's all fine and dandy - no issues but some folk do find it odd.
I think you're overthinking it a little OP, people are just inquisitive and it's a pretty standard question imo.

Why would you need to to tell them it's your ex's business though? And not just a "small firm" or "Bob's builders"?

savethatkitty · 02/06/2023 07:36

I hate being asked what I do, too. I have a controversial job, which isn't everyone's cup of tea but people always have an opinion on it.

Nordicrain · 02/06/2023 07:38

Entirely normal question. What can people ask to not offend these days? Jeez.

RampantIvy · 02/06/2023 07:44

I can see why some people don't like to talk about their job - doctors, lawyers, people who have controversila jobs etc, but I really don't understand why people think that a normal social interaction like being asked what you do for a living can be construed as rude or intrusive. Because it isn't. It is just polit, getting to know you small talk.

Maybe these people prefer to sit in awkward silence?

Jaspee · 02/06/2023 07:52

It's normal to ask what someone does for me. Most of us do it all day, five days a week. It's a big part of our lives.

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 02/06/2023 08:00

I always ask people what they do. It’s interesting and a good topic of conversation.

Yorkshireteaformethanks · 02/06/2023 08:18

@00100001 why would I not? I'm not shy or precious about what I do or who I work for.

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/06/2023 11:23

I get why people are interested, however the responses... put me off telling them the truth.

For example...

Me: I am a dog behaviour consultant...

Them: Oh really, hey my dog does insert complex long standing behaviour problem, how can I fix it...

Me: Ah thats really quite complex, you'd need to... and... probably take around 6 months to properly address, plus a significant change in how you live with and manage your dog.

Them: Ohhhhhh... im not doing that, we'll just (ignore dog/punish dog/try out Cesar Millan/Graeme Hall methods off of telly)/glazes over/was never actually interested.

Or 'And how much do you charge for fixing that?'...

Me: Well you'd get a package of visits and follow up support for £££...

Them: "£££?! Really. Wow. I wouldn't pay more than £!'.

Uncomfortable and awkward, so I swerve it, I learned not to say that I illustrate or do cartoons either as that results in similar conversations requesting I draw their dog/cat/kid and then the same shock and disgust at how much that'd cost followed by an assertion that they could do it themselves/their kid could do it for free...

I tell people I freelance. They look at me like I am a bum but I really don't give a shit as at least they don't ask me to do something, then tell me they wouldn't pay my fee!

Aquarius1234 · 02/06/2023 12:43

Yes happens all the time in your 20 and 30s, well online dating anyhow.
Say you dont have an interesting job or low paid, you then feel you must use your great personality to show you are more than just your boring 9 to 5 job!

Aquarius1234 · 02/06/2023 12:45

When we all know its not about or shouldn't be about what you do!
I find men that care is cos they don't want to pay for you...
Or are wanting someone on the same level intelligence wise, which is kinda arrogant, like partner must have a masters degree!

Also I dislike the '' do you like your job''? I mean is that a trick question?
If I say no I don't, will you stop getting to know me??

pollymere · 02/06/2023 12:46

For reasons, currently neither myself or DH "work". I'm therefore unable to join in with the "back to work tomorrow" conversations and when I say I don't work, people assume I must be on Universal Credit or Job Seekers or at least looking for a job. It's amazing that people assume the worst and judge you for it. Rather than assuming I'm living off a Trust Fund (sadly not). It's on the same level as people talking down to me because I'm a natural blonde.

LolaSmiles · 02/06/2023 13:28

On the dating front I think it matters though.
I'd want a partner to have a similar outlook to me regarding work, work-life balance, aspirations etc.

When I was single, I wanted to find a partner who cares about their long term finances/pensions, someone who has a good work ethic in whatever their field is, someone who accepted that they don't get to live and breathe their career at the expense of a relationship, and that if children arrived then they weren't expecting me to be default parent whilst they keep working long hours.

I'd probably not feel compatible with someone who was happy doing the bare minimum to get by, hadn't thought about workplace pensions or long term investments, or expected me to work long hours because they'd rather do a hobby job. I'd also not be compatible with someone who had a career with a lot of long hours, extensive travel away from home. Others might not mind, but it wouldn't have worked for me.

Life can throw curve balls your way, and has in my experience, but it's easier to weather those storms if you and your partner are on the same page overall.

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 02/06/2023 14:35

It's chit chat. It's a question like "where do you live?' 'Do you have kids?' 'Did you grow up round here?'
Its a normal way to show interest and get to know someone. Some people do to be friendly, some do it because they are shy and can't bear a long silence. Some people do it because they are nosy, judgy fuckers and some people (believe it or not) do it because they are interested.

I tailor my response to the questioner. I might be very general (i work for a local charity) or I might go into more detail. I certainly wouldn't go off into a massive detailed explanation if they weren't in a similar sphere and I would only do it then if they asked follow up questions that indicated they were interested.

I go to a lot of formal social functions for my work and DHs and really struggle with the small talk/getting to know people side of things. Threads like this make it worse as it seems people can take offence at the most innocent of questions.