Hate being asked what I do

[EggDaisy]

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

That's the thing, if you were honest and say you were eg British intelligence, etc unless your being picked up and escorted with helicopter etc people would be like, as if, sorta thing

I have a super serious job. Qualified solicitor. Senior manager role for an ALB. I tell people who ask

i work in admin

it is true and it’s all they deserve. They can judge accordingly.

I know someone who is a hedge fund manager told people he is worked in landscape gardening he found this was particularly helpful for weeding out gold-digging women ...

(He was a keen amateur gardener in his spare time)

Honestly my neighbour asked me what i did when I moved into my detached home with my children by myself. Pole dancer I said, much to his distain. Months later as I walked to my car in a suit he’s very apologetic. I deserved that he said, yup. Not all single women aren’t career women and deserve to be questioned…..lived here 20 years now.

He didn't even know you were a single mum at that point, unless you'd already told him (in which case, that's far more personal information than who employs you). He didn't want to know your job description, he was probably more interested in what your commute might look like.

Unless this is one of those conversations that you think of long after having been put on the spot and wish you'd thought of quickly enough at the time.

Times have changed. This is called "making conversation" and its taking an interest in other peoples lives.

It wasnt seen as invasive until very recently. People have become reclusive

So what do you think people are ok to ask? If asking what you do is invasive surely any other normal topic would be as well.

Say Tax inspector!

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. People need to realise this is a very upsetting questions to many people including unemployed, low wage earners etc.

My go-to answer is ‘cardio-thoracic surgeon’
fortunately I’ve watched enough episodes of ER and Greys Anatomy to answer any follow up questions. 😏

in reality I work in waste management 🚮🗑️♻️

Ah, a friend of mine works for the inland revenue and changes it (I'm not sure what to, I can't remember) as it's an unpopular job and reactions varied.

This is to strangers, and in place of small talk, for me to be jaded by it. In places like Zumba, where I was last asked, I will go for the easy life and give a generic job answer. I'd rather talk about the class or something exercise related with small talk there.

In other environments I would tell the truth after keeping it vague initially. It's not actually a very exciting job really but a minority do it and it piques the interest of many.

Has anyone given examples of what is acceptable yet? I’m genuinely interested to know what people small talk about - apart from “Do you come here often” or “How do you know the host?”

"How do you know the host?" Is the most interesting opener to ask in that situation I think.

Yes that would probably be my opener but then once that’s established I’d probably ask what they did 😁

"oh, we met at work..." ha ha :P

I agree. I would think if someone answered "this and that" that they definitely did not want the conversation to continue with me at all, and I would move on.

You might be missing out on some amazing new friendships or contacts by saying this OP. Seems a shame.

Oh for goodness sake. Stop projecting.

I’m a qualified medical doctor. I’m not projecting.

Two apparently unrelated sentences there.

In the context, they seem completely related.

Yes, same. I always felt I was discarded as soon as I answered. I’m back at work now but still feel people look down their noses/have no idea exactly what is involved in what I do

Feeling judged has nothing to do with the question per se, it’s about the person’s own internalised view of their status in society and their own assumptions about other people’s perceptions. It isn’t always a question used to establish status, it’s frequently just a way of trying to find out what someone spends most of their their day doing (hence asking what someone does, not what their job or career is), or what might or might not motivate or interest them. If the person reacts by not appearing to want to talk about it, then you can quickly move on to something else.

You worded that brilliantly @Walkaround.

Totally agree. People judge you. Also work is not my be all and end all. My personal life is.
My response is - it's the weekend tell me what you do for fun. What are your passions. What makes your eyes light up and sparkle.
Hate it on the first dates TV show when its the 1st thing they ask. So much so that if I'm on a date I refuse to tell someone what i do

People judge you.

No, SOME people might, but most don't. I find it very sad that so many people feel that they are being judged when they really aren't.