Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bill-splitting

270 replies

Clemsie · 31/05/2023 00:27

Five of us had dinner last night - two couples and myself (I’m a single parent). At the end when the bill arrived, one of the couples declared that the bill would be split three ways. I’m not sure how it made sense that a bill for a party of five was split three ways but was too embarrassed to say anything. As a result I’m £20 out of pocket. AIBU to think that the bill should not
have been split three ways? Also, should I just stay quiet about the £20 and never go out with them again? What is the correct bill-splitting etiquette in this situation?

OP posts:
Billyho · 31/05/2023 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Harsh but fair!

Chachachachachachacha · 31/05/2023 23:42

Really? I think the op behaved as most would when taken aback in an awkward situation and is certainly less of a cunt than some on here who would have created a massive scene without a second thought! Though I suspect some of the keyboard warriors may be a lot less bold than they are happy to be online.

scorpiogirly · 31/05/2023 23:44

Horrible. Not sure anyone could think this was fair when suggesting it. I would have said, it's okay I'll just get my own.

Breakingpoint1961 · 31/05/2023 23:49

What a delightful thread..some very choice posters on hereHmm

OP I hope you do come back and look at some of the very kind responses to your plight, and ignore totally the idiotic onesHmm

I get why you didn't say anything, money is always a delicate subject, however, you can't allow it to happen again. Next time, you think about what you can do with that ££ you're about to give away, that'll make you speak up!

And to the poster who said "it won't break the bank" I hope to fuck you never fall on hard times..what an absolute dick you are..

AllyCart · 31/05/2023 23:50

If you put the overall figures in - based on OP overpaying by £20 it's even more cheeky fuckery than it sounds at first.

it must have been a total bill of £150 and OP paid £50 while the others paid £25 each.

workemails · 31/05/2023 23:59

Sorry OP, thats not a nice situation. I would not go out with them again and would think less of everyone there who did not stand up for you. They arent your friends.

SamW98 · 01/06/2023 00:06

It’s shit OP but I think it’s too late to say anything now after the event but please learn from this and if theres a next time, then only pay your fair share - don’t subsidise these grabbers

Irritateandunreasonable · 01/06/2023 00:09

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:41

Don't go for meals then, stay home if you can't afford to spend 20 on a meal

Show quote history

OP can - £20 new out budget is different to £40 meal out budget. Not hard to work out.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/06/2023 00:20

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:41

Don't go for meals then, stay home if you can't afford to spend 20 on a meal

Show quote history

why should op spend an EXTRA £20 subsidising someone elses meals? By that logic, it was only £10 per couple extra so why are THEY going out if they can't afford to pay for the food they ate

Nevermind91 · 01/06/2023 00:25

Ugh, I can't bear bill-splitting. It's invariably suggested and "organised" by someone at the table who knows how to get themselves a cheap night out.
I've been stung this way. Having driven to the venue to meet the others, and watched them quaff gallons of wine, it's almost funny how the one with the biggest mouth declares that they've cleverly split the bill so many ways... totally ignoring the fact that some have only had one course and a couple of soft drinks, while others have gorged on a banquet and drunk the place dry.

user1492757084 · 01/06/2023 00:26

So, you paid 20 pounds for a life lesson learnt.

You need to stay aware and speak up for your self.

The 3 way split was not thought out well but not a reason to cut a friendship. Next time be on your game.

Bluebellsparklypant · 01/06/2023 07:14

Op yes that’s unfair, I don’t drink when I go out but friends do they always take the alcohol out of the bill before spilling it. However you can’t bring it up now after the event that would just be very petty . If you go again just have a line ready to say when the bill arrives like let’s share this 5 ways or however many are eating. A learning curve this time

burnoutbabe · 01/06/2023 08:01

Nevermind91 · 01/06/2023 00:25

Ugh, I can't bear bill-splitting. It's invariably suggested and "organised" by someone at the table who knows how to get themselves a cheap night out.
I've been stung this way. Having driven to the venue to meet the others, and watched them quaff gallons of wine, it's almost funny how the one with the biggest mouth declares that they've cleverly split the bill so many ways... totally ignoring the fact that some have only had one course and a couple of soft drinks, while others have gorged on a banquet and drunk the place dry.

Bill splitting is okay when you all eat the same

But the issue here isn't just spotting it equally, it's splitting it into 3 equal parts when it's 5 people. That's just madness!

Billyho · 01/06/2023 09:50

Nevermind91 · 01/06/2023 00:25

Ugh, I can't bear bill-splitting. It's invariably suggested and "organised" by someone at the table who knows how to get themselves a cheap night out.
I've been stung this way. Having driven to the venue to meet the others, and watched them quaff gallons of wine, it's almost funny how the one with the biggest mouth declares that they've cleverly split the bill so many ways... totally ignoring the fact that some have only had one course and a couple of soft drinks, while others have gorged on a banquet and drunk the place dry.

I am the one who invariably splits the bill, when I go out to eat (not often), I like to eat and drink what I want, I don’t want to go for the set menu if I don’t want to, or miss dessert, it’s a treat and I want to enjoy.

I am meticulous about paying my way completely and making sure someone who has chosen cheapest alternatives does not subsidise my choices (or anyone else’s). I want to sort the bill myself to ensure I don’t feel I have to chose options I don’t want or it won’t be fair.

hopefully then my friends don’t say I’ve gorged on a banquet or drunk the place dry!

maybe that’s why I’m always asked to deal with the bill and what people owe etc.

So it’s not always the people trying to be cheapskates that do the bill split.

Casperroonie · 01/06/2023 09:55

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:38

It's £20. Hardly gonna break the bank

Oh look OP, this lady's offering to pay your share as it's "only 20 quid" How kind!!! Be sure to post your details. Cash or cheque?

Casperroonie · 01/06/2023 09:58

DomPom47 · 31/05/2023 08:27

Your friends are either stupid and can’t count heads or can’t see the logic of two couples and a single person doesn’t mean you divide bill into 3 rather than 5 or they’re just mean. Either way I would distance myself from them.

I think you're right, and that actually they're just mean. A good friend would look out for you and would never let something so unfair happen when out for dinner. Definitely distance yourself from them.

Billyho · 01/06/2023 10:00

Casperroonie · 01/06/2023 09:55

Oh look OP, this lady's offering to pay your share as it's "only 20 quid" How kind!!! Be sure to post your details. Cash or cheque?

Show quote history

😂

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 01/06/2023 10:01

I went out for dinner with my DB and SIL recently. When the bill came DB split it 50/50. I pointed out that there were 3 of us and therefore I would pay 1/3. Apparently because they have a joint account they only ever pay as 1 person. I laughed. Put my 1/3 (cash) on the table and refused to pay a penny more.

ditalini · 01/06/2023 10:14

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 01/06/2023 10:01

I went out for dinner with my DB and SIL recently. When the bill came DB split it 50/50. I pointed out that there were 3 of us and therefore I would pay 1/3. Apparently because they have a joint account they only ever pay as 1 person. I laughed. Put my 1/3 (cash) on the table and refused to pay a penny more.

Years ago I went out a few times with a guy who saw it as a slight on his manhood for me to get the drinks in. But when we went out with friends (mostly single) he'd only buy one round and it didn't compute with him why this was unfair and tight.

I think it was about 75% of the reason I broke up with him. Can't stand rip off merchants (or men with weirdo ideas about being a "gentleman").

Billyho · 01/06/2023 10:49

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 01/06/2023 10:01

I went out for dinner with my DB and SIL recently. When the bill came DB split it 50/50. I pointed out that there were 3 of us and therefore I would pay 1/3. Apparently because they have a joint account they only ever pay as 1 person. I laughed. Put my 1/3 (cash) on the table and refused to pay a penny more.

Well done!

celticprincess · 01/06/2023 12:27

I’m very blunt when it comes to bill splitting as a single person who doesn’t drink alcohol and rarely buys soft drinks either as I get too full/bloated. I usually say I’ll pay my share then you split the rest of the others/couples had fairly similar meal spends and drinks. I once was shouted down when the service charge of 10% was added to the final bill and everyone wanted to split that too. My £5 pizza and tap water was to become £10!! No chance. I said I’d happily add my 10% on but I had chosen my meal that night out as I was skint. People thought I was being unreasonable and it came up frequently after the event but I wasn’t being bullied into doubling my spend.

LysHastighed · 01/06/2023 12:42

There are two ways in which this could have been unintentional. Firstly, the friends might have been on autopilot from eating out in groups of couples. Secondly, they might have meant ‘let’s put it on three cards’ meaning the non-equal shares and the waiter has understood that the amounts should be equally divided. They may have paid without looking at the amount at all.
OP might have scope, depending on the people, to say that she’s just seen her internet banking and thinks something went wrong because she thought they were splitting across three cards 2/5, 2/5 and 1/5, but 1/3 has been booked. And see what they do. A decent friend would pay you back.

BaiesRosesAmbre · 01/06/2023 13:17

I hate this sort of thing. Something similar happened to me the other day, went for a very casual brunch but there was no vegetarian option so just shared DP’s side salad (so ordered nothing for myself). I had a Diet Coke. Someone also declared we split the bill by couple!

Its so so rude. I think people know what they are doing and they get away with it because disputing how to pay a bill in a restaurant is awkward.

Oli83 · 01/06/2023 13:19

I doubt this was done on purpose, its just the other couples didnt think it through. It's understandable if you didn't speak up at the time if you were caught unawares especially if money is a sensitive topic for you. I don't know why so many people on this thread are being so rude. Next time make sure you're ready to say something. As for now, if the £20 is really something you can't afford then message your friends and say I'm so sorry guys this is a bit embarrassing but would you mind if I paid just my share of food for last night, money is tight at the moment and I didn't realise at the time it wasn't worked out correctly. If they are true friends they would rather know. Alternatively if you can afford it then chalk it up to experience. Either way remember that no one did this deliberately.

JenJuni · 01/06/2023 13:46

I vote for saying something now - just a ‘I had such a great time last night guys, thank you, but I would have preferred it if we’d split the bill equally, we each paid a third but there’s only one of me. It’s quite pricey being single so I’d appreciate it if we can do that next time - thank you’