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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bill-splitting

270 replies

Clemsie · 31/05/2023 00:27

Five of us had dinner last night - two couples and myself (I’m a single parent). At the end when the bill arrived, one of the couples declared that the bill would be split three ways. I’m not sure how it made sense that a bill for a party of five was split three ways but was too embarrassed to say anything. As a result I’m £20 out of pocket. AIBU to think that the bill should not
have been split three ways? Also, should I just stay quiet about the £20 and never go out with them again? What is the correct bill-splitting etiquette in this situation?

OP posts:
isthisit83 · 31/05/2023 21:29

You were only unreasonable to not say something at the time! Sometimes we split the bill "unfairly" when going out with friends BUT if we do it's usually at our insistence - ie we've been out with two friends and their 3 kids and DH and I only have one but we are happy to subsidize one of the kids and we insist where and our friends point out they should be paying more

Truestorypeeps · 31/05/2023 21:30

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TooOldForThisNonsense · 31/05/2023 21:34

YANBU but it would have been good to have spoken up for yourself to say something like “I reckon my share is £x” (rounded up and a tip). They are cheeky fuckers. It always perplexes me how people who want to pay their share are perceived as “tight” and not the ones who want other people to subsidise their food and drink. It’s one thing quibbling over a few quid but expecting you to pay a substantial portion of their food isn’t on.

Mamma2017 · 31/05/2023 21:36

Theblacksheepandme · 31/05/2023 01:43

Is that you Ann Widdecombe?

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🤣👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

NoraBattysCurlers · 31/05/2023 21:45

Clemsie · 31/05/2023 00:34

I didn’t make any suggestion. I was too shy/embarrassed to say anything.

The way the bill was divided was certainly a problem. But this is a much bigger problem.

You do need to start pulling up those big girl pants and say something.

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 31/05/2023 21:48

You need to message them and just explain that you felt awkward to say at the time but splitting the bill into 3 when there were 2 couples and just you has left you £20 out of pocket, which you can't afford, if you could send the £10 each across you'd really appreciate it. I can't believe they even suggested splitting the bill like this, it's so off.

JudgeJ · 31/05/2023 21:57

Attractedtotheofflimits · 31/05/2023 00:38

It's £20. Hardly gonna break the bank

It doesn't matter how much it is, there were 5 people dining, the bill should be split 5 ways, too often singles lose out in these circumstances.

Lambstails · 31/05/2023 22:01

This happened to me once years ago - I looked to my left at the empty chair and said "I never realised my invisible friend had such an appetite".....

Sophie89j · 31/05/2023 22:08

This type of CF behaviour annoys me beyond! Why not just pay for what you had? Or if you shared wine etc divide by 5?

InSpainTheRain · 31/05/2023 22:08

That's incredibly rude of them OP, I can see why you'd find it difficult to say something but honestly I think you should try to speak up for yourself. Obviously they were out of order and I can't believe the other couple said nothing - very poor of them too.

GladitooktheHighRoad · 31/05/2023 22:08

Next time OP you need to speak up. Immediately !

Just act casual “ but there’s five of us, how much is it each?”

They are really rude but I don’t think it’s something you can easily bring up again.

Eddielizzard · 31/05/2023 22:16

They aren't your friends. They're users and think it's fun to take advantage.

ChrisPPancake · 31/05/2023 22:21

If you didn't speak up at the time you can't ask for your 20 quid back now. Make sure you raise it next time though (if there is one!).

burnoutbabe · 31/05/2023 22:22

When they said they'd split it, I'd agree as I'd assume they meant 5 ways (and assume we all had similar food/drink)

I'd never dream they would mean by 3 though.

If you can't now mention it to your friends then really they are not friends at all. Just acquaintances.

Morechocmorechoc · 31/05/2023 22:23

Can't sympathise if you didn't even say anything. How ridiculous.

Andanotherone01 · 31/05/2023 22:31

I’d have said “didn’t realise there was a single person supplement when having dinner with you lot! Now, let’s do the maths properly and pay a fifth of the bill each.”
Cheeky twats! I wouldn’t be going out with them again.

LosingMyPancakes · 31/05/2023 22:34

These scenarios come up on MN time and time again - I can only assume people use the word friends when they mean casual acquaintances. No one should be too shy or embarrassed to speak to their own friends, surely...

CornishAdventures · 31/05/2023 22:35

I think the bill is in the past so no point raising now but I wouldn’t avoid going out with them in future. Just say, shall we split it 5 ways when they say 3 ways. Once it’s said once, it won’t be an issue again

Throughalookingglass · 31/05/2023 22:47

It was very unfair to split the bill three ways
Its probably too late to say something now but I would not go out with them again because they took advantage and none of them spoke up and said it was unfair. I know you didn't either but they put you in an awkward position and you will be more prepared in future to say something. I would not consider these people friends.

Budikka · 31/05/2023 22:55

I am very sorry to hear about this. I would just make sure not to have anything to do with the couple who suggested it ever again. If I were you, I would just put it down to one of those things that happens. Who knows, you might get lucky and an unexpected £20 comes into your life. I am sure you are too nice a person to let something like this bother you for long.

Personally, I am ashamed for the couple who suggested this and the other couple who went along with it.

VonThorn · 31/05/2023 22:57

1offnamechange · 31/05/2023 19:00

Don't be obtuse
The actual point you were trying to make might be 'common fucking sense'.
I, and the vast majority of other posters made the same point, we just came out and said it .
Just have the courage of your convictions and say 'You should have done X' rather than this odd 'I'll pretend to not know what's going on by asking what happened when you said/did [the thing I think you should have done] despite the fact you have already made clear you didn't do/say it.'

It's a weird thing peculiar to MN that I've never seen anywhere else.

What possible relevance is it that on other threads not all the info is included in the OP when on this actual thread the info is included? The post says very clearly "I...was too embarrassed to say anything. As a result I’m £20 out of pocket."

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I agree. I thought posters falling over themselves to get in the first 'so what happened when you told them to fuck off OP?' type reply had finally died a death along with the pearl clutching. But no. It's just snarky and unhelpful. I usually feel mildly irritated when I see someone dusting it off for the millionth time.

OP, I get it - in the real world, many people would have just paid up and felt sore about it afterwards, the same as you. YANBU, obv.

grumpycow1 · 31/05/2023 22:59

Yep it should have been split 5 ways, each couple to pay 2/5 if they are paying together. But I don’t get why you wouldn’t just speak up. Next time be brave!

GeorginaBell · 31/05/2023 23:33

Take your money to have it ready beforehand. Or say this time you’ll just cover what you’ve had if that’s ok with everyone. You have every right to own it sometimes people are really thick.

Chachachachachachacha · 31/05/2023 23:33

As a fellow unassertive person I’d probably say nothing now and just avoid eating out with them in future. It would probably be more awkward to bring it up now than at the time. If you do want to go out with them again though at least you’re prepared and can say something like “is it ok if I just pay for my food? I’m a bit skint until pay day. Obviously I’ll pay towards the tip”. That’s very unconfrontational but makes it clear that they’re asking you to pay for their food and they can’t really say “no, you have to pay for us”.

Chachachachachachacha · 31/05/2023 23:35

And I can see why the op didn’t speak up at the time. You wouldn’t be expecting people to assume you’re paying for them and the op was probably shocked. It’s much easier to think of what to say in hindsight!