Breastfeeding DD(4)

[Pumpkinspicedmum]

I have a DD(4) and DS(18 months). I have always wanted to breastfeed them until they wean naturally and always assumed this would be between 18 months and 2 years.

My DD is showing absolutely no desire to give up the boob and currently feeds first thing in the morning and again at some point in the evening, so only twice a day. I am more than happy with this as it obviously brings her comfort. However, DH has made it known to me that he thinks this is wrong and that I should be making her stop. He is very much of the opinion that she is too old and I should be putting boundaries in place. He has admitted he feels embarrassed about the situation and has asked for me to feed DD in private as he doesnt want to see it.

AIBU to insist on letting her feed until she is ready to wean naturally or should I make her stop? I am also worried that she'll get jealous if she sees DS still feeding. She is also still very attached to her dummy, something that also bothers DH. Any advice from anyone who has been through similar would be appreciated as it's a real bone of contention in our marriage at the moment. TIA

As long as you and DD are happy BFing then that's all that matters. It does seem like between still having a dummy and BFing for comfort it's important to prepare her for school a bit and introduce other ways for her to seek comfort that she can do when away from you and out of the home though.

But at 4 they should have a varied diet anyway so the amount of breast milk they are getting is pretty much negligible anyway.

Nonsensical argument though. Car seats aren’t “natural” but presumably you’re fine with that.

Of course some parents do it for them they like to feel needed and it's the one thing nobody else can do for their child

It's honestly hard to know where to start with this post.

Food is not scarce in most countries, as in it exists. However it is scarce in its availability to many people in those countries due to cost.

Likewise, given the numbers of under 5s who die of waterborne diseases each year, I think we are a long way from claiming that safe, clean water is available across many parts of the world.

Nevertheless, breastfeeding is not the answer to these problems due to the issue of maternal nutrition, maternal fecundity (exactly how many children is one poor woman supposed to feed?) and reality (no 3 year old is solely dependent on their mum's breastfeeding for food and hydration so they are still at risk from dirty water regardless).

Haha, how is it remotely extreme? Mammals, humans, breastfeed. Humans invented bottles. Facts, not judgement. And bottle feeding does damage teeth as children feed from them in a different way to breasts, and the milk pools. I’m currently combi feeding and plan to stop breast- and bottle-feeding at one, not especially extreme. I really don’t care how people feed. What’s extreme is the shouts of “to [sic] old in my opinion, she shud be up a chimnee by now, discustin”.

That claim about global average age of weaning gets trotted out a lot on the internet, but there's never any actual evidence to back it up and practically speaking I can't see how it could possibly be true. There'd need to be a loooot of Mongolias to cancel out the much more populous societies like the UK and France where the average duration of breastfeeding is so much shorter, and there's not. Clearly the society in which we live is at one end of the spectrum and not representative globally, but 4 years is implausible.

None of which is to say OP shouldn't do what she judges best btw, and if feeding a 4 year old works for her and the DC in question then fine.

BF children drink out of cups and eat food. They aren't only BF. I don't understand how people are incapable of comprehending that BF is alongside others things and not the only thing the child has.
Expressing doesn't give the comfort that BF has. The breasts absorb saliva and identifies the antibodies the child needs. It's a 2 way system.
If you tandemfeed the body produces different milk depending on the child nursing and their needs. Milk varies due to gender, developmental stage and health needs. It changes due to temperature and in hot summer conditions the milk has a higher water content.

There are more people BF older children than society realizes. Most people won't say as they are met with shock and horror. At older ages this is in privacy of home so isn't something you will know is happening unless it is discussed and the person is happy to say.

Sweets, crisps, pop and sugary drinks. Fast food. Too much screen time. All things many young children are exposed to which great for them. None of which get the same level of discust that using a women's body to produce milk in the way it was evolved for.
And yet humans think nothing of drinking milk/eating milk products from other mammals bodies which has evolved to feed that mammals young.

Any particular reason you had to put it so crassly? Do you also refer to babies breastfeeding as sucking on their mothers tits?

You are asking for opinions, so I also think she is too old. But at the end of the day it is your decision.

And yet humans think nothing of drinking milk/eating milk products from other mammals bodies which has evolved to feed that mammals young.

If people were drinking cows milk from the udder that would be odd. But it's an animal product like any other.

Fine if people want to do extended breastfeeding - it's a no from me personally. I doubt there's any notable benefits to the health of a child at 4+ quite honestly

What’s extreme is the shouts of “to [sic] old in my opinion, she shud be up a chimnee by now, discustin”.

More credibility lost. It’s a choice. Who are you to say bottle feeding should be curtailed? It’s quite obviously an extreme view.

So much nasty judgement on this thread!

DD weaned shortly before her third birthday. It was her choice and I didn't want to just withdraw it, but she did have some gentle encouragement as I had had enough. ..we talked about how she was a big girl now and she would be big enough to stop feeding soon. We also bought her a special Peppa Pig water bottle which she could use if she got thirsty in the night. That clinched it tbh!

OP, you should carry on for as long as you and your dd both feel comfortable. Ignore the judgemental posts, they are just ignorant.

I agree with your DH. I have a child the same age and couldn't imagine still bf. I can very much envisage them being mocked at school if they admitted to it as in DD words "it's for babies"

It’s literally recommended by the NHS to stop bottle feeding at age one: ie we curtail bottle feeding. So there you go: the NHS is now “extreme”.

Bottle feeding should be stopped at one because it is bad for babies’ teeth and speech.

Perhaps because they are already on solids and just don't need the nutrition babies get from breast milk anymore. Personally I think OP is making a rod for her own back and babying the 4 year old a bit too much. The dummy is going to be terrible for speech and will effect developing teeth. I'd also wonder just how much of this is an attachment issue because the adult just doesn't want to let go of the idea of the 4 year old no longer being a baby, rather than the 4 year old herself still wanting or needing it. Odds are op probably gets more maternal comfort out of the arrangement herself than a busy active 4 year old who probably isn't that bothered about it until she sees her younger sibling doing it. There's also a theory that older children still breastfeeding stand out as more emotionally immature than their peers for being babied much longer than necessary. I have a relative who actively resisted letting her 4 year old grow up when she had a second baby. Both of them ended up back in nappies with dummies and being treated like babies.

I agree with this. A LOT

Of course ultimately it’s your decision as it so your body. I do think that your husband has a right to an opinion on this as well. She is his child too. While you may not agree with his concerns they are valid ones. Rightly or wrongly feeding a child into school years is unusual here. And if noticed people and other children will remark on it. You may be able to shrug that off but obviously he can’t and he may be worried about the impact it will have on DD.
I would be concentrating on the dummy first thought. And then worrying about weaning. I think some consideration should be given to your DHs position. He has you daughters best interests at heart as well

In answer to your question @Pumpkinspicedmum

AIBU to insist on letting her feed until she is ready to wean naturally or should I make her stop?

no you are not being unreasonable. And more importantly from one BF Mum to another - well done! It’s bloody hard work and you’ve faced more than enough challenges to support your DCs desire to continue BF without society, mumsnet and your DH casting their opinion.

im currently BFing my near 2-year old at similar times of the day to you. And i stopped early with my first DC because I felt pressure to and I was going back to work. Something I still deeply regret and this has influenced how I challenge back to others who express an opinion.

I did more research with DC2 and I’m letting my him determine when it’s time to stop and like you, I’ve had a few issues with my DH. When it does come up, I gently remind him it’s my body and his, that I’m doing what I see is best for him and I ask that he brings me scientific evidence that it is harmful…. Not had anything yet.

Ignore any negativity towards this. Don’t hide to please your husband. He is being ridiculous. My little one is 21 months old and I’ll be letting him feed for as long as he wants to.
‘According to anthropologist Kathy Dettwyler, in societies where children are allowed to nurse as long as they want, self-weaning usually happens between 3 and 4 years of age. Her research on breastfeeding duration in non-human primates (based on a number of variables such as length of gestation, weight gain, age at sexual maturity and dental eruption) places the natural duration of breastfeeding in modern humans between 2.5 and 7 years.’

This thread is so sad. No wonder our country has such a low breastfeeding rate.

Well done you for BF for so long. I had to stop at 3 because I'd had enough - she would have been happy to continue and was quite upset that I told her no more.

There is no better probiotic to feed a child's gut microbiome than human milk. There is so much emerging research about the health implications of the microbiome.

@darkbitturtle no-one is saying you shouldn’t breastfeed but not everyone has to agree that breastfeeding after 4 years old is the norm.

I’ve tried to find data on other countries where mums regularly breastfeed at 7, and can’t find anything.

The technical term for milk teeth is deciduous teeth so nothing to do with milk and breastfeeding.

Also by suggesting women should carry on breastfeeding for years, is that not restricting their place in the workforce. How would they have careers where they may have to travel, be away from home for more than a day. No social weekends away from DC