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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding DD(4)

421 replies

Pumpkinspicedmum · 30/05/2023 22:41

I have a DD(4) and DS(18 months). I have always wanted to breastfeed them until they wean naturally and always assumed this would be between 18 months and 2 years.

My DD is showing absolutely no desire to give up the boob and currently feeds first thing in the morning and again at some point in the evening, so only twice a day. I am more than happy with this as it obviously brings her comfort. However, DH has made it known to me that he thinks this is wrong and that I should be making her stop. He is very much of the opinion that she is too old and I should be putting boundaries in place. He has admitted he feels embarrassed about the situation and has asked for me to feed DD in private as he doesnt want to see it.

AIBU to insist on letting her feed until she is ready to wean naturally or should I make her stop? I am also worried that she'll get jealous if she sees DS still feeding. She is also still very attached to her dummy, something that also bothers DH. Any advice from anyone who has been through similar would be appreciated as it's a real bone of contention in our marriage at the moment. TIA

OP posts:
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DisquietintheRanks · 31/05/2023 10:03

Yeah I've never been able to find much data on these societies where breastfeeding to 7 is the norm either.

darkbitturtle · 31/05/2023 10:05

toomuchlaundry · 31/05/2023 09:56

Also by suggesting women should carry on breastfeeding for years, is that not restricting their place in the workforce. How would they have careers where they may have to travel, be away from home for more than a day. No social weekends away from DC

I understand that but it's only 4 years? They are only small one time. I'd sacrifice four years of my life for my children. And I probably will, I've chosen to not go back to work to stay home and be with my toddler. In two years I've not left them; and I'm okay with that because I have my whole life to go away without them!

StormShadow · 31/05/2023 10:07

DisquietintheRanks · 31/05/2023 10:03

Yeah I've never been able to find much data on these societies where breastfeeding to 7 is the norm either.

No, that and the global average age of weaning claim are just things that evolved a life of their own on the internet. People would be on stronger ground if they just pointed out that the UK does much less breastfeeding than the global average, there are many societies where it's common to do it for a couple of years or longer and everyone brings their own cultural perspective to issues of infant feeding.

HerMammy · 31/05/2023 10:08

@darkbitturtle
So you have the luxury of affording to stay at home and not work, not everyone can do that, so hardly a. sacrifice.

CatLoaf · 31/05/2023 10:11

darkbitturtle · 31/05/2023 10:05

I understand that but it's only 4 years? They are only small one time. I'd sacrifice four years of my life for my children. And I probably will, I've chosen to not go back to work to stay home and be with my toddler. In two years I've not left them; and I'm okay with that because I have my whole life to go away without them!

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ONLY 4 YEARS??!! Ffs 😩

toomuchlaundry · 31/05/2023 10:13

@darkbitturtle and that is for one child, what happens if you have 2 or 3 children?

itsabigtree · 31/05/2023 10:14

porridgeisbae · 31/05/2023 01:28

I don't have kids but I'dve thought you'd want her not to want this when she goes to school, as she won't be able to have it during those hours. So presumably it would stop before then. And you'd probably want to give her a chance to adjust to being without it, rather than facing the stress of school at the same time.

So starting to wean her off it now is about right.

Why comment on this if you have no children. You know nothing about the issue?

She's talking about a 4 year old who feeds once before bed and once in the morning, she won't have to adjust to anything additional at school.

itsabigtree · 31/05/2023 10:18

toomuchlaundry · 31/05/2023 09:56

Also by suggesting women should carry on breastfeeding for years, is that not restricting their place in the workforce. How would they have careers where they may have to travel, be away from home for more than a day. No social weekends away from DC

Because breastfeeding a 4 year old is different to breastfeeding a 4 month old! You can still work and travel away. They are not dependent on it. They just want it if it's there. It wouldn't restrict anything.

darkbitturtle · 31/05/2023 10:19

HerMammy · 31/05/2023 10:08

@darkbitturtle
So you have the luxury of affording to stay at home and not work, not everyone can do that, so hardly a. sacrifice.

My partner has taken up more work and technically has three jobs so yes it is a sacrifice!

Hollyhobbi · 31/05/2023 10:20

Our 'milk teeth' fall out around the age of five the age of natural weaning. And @toomuchlaundry 4 years or so would be the normal age gap between children as well if breastfeeding in an underdeveloped country.

FoodCentre · 31/05/2023 10:20

darkbitturtle · 31/05/2023 09:38

This thread is so sad. No wonder our country has such a low breastfeeding rate.

I breastfed and I'm sure many others here did too. There's no correlation.

Extended breastfeeding is not viewed the same as typical breastfeeding even by women who have breastfed because it's quite unusual, especially with people talking about up to 7 years...

Beezknees · 31/05/2023 10:26

darkbitturtle · 31/05/2023 10:19

My partner has taken up more work and technically has three jobs so yes it is a sacrifice!

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And some of us are single parents and we are the only ones bringing in a wage, so count yourself lucky.

Blossomtoes · 31/05/2023 10:27

Hollyhobbi · 31/05/2023 10:20

Our 'milk teeth' fall out around the age of five the age of natural weaning. And @toomuchlaundry 4 years or so would be the normal age gap between children as well if breastfeeding in an underdeveloped country.

Would it fuck. The normal age gap for a woman of normal fertility using no contraception is between one and two years. Hence my poor gran having five under five

Whatevercanbedone · 31/05/2023 10:36

@toomuchlaundry
BF a child doesn't stop you doing things. I had days out, I worked, we even had nights away.
Child was happy with other forms of comfort when I wasn't about but wanted to nurse in occasions I was about.
A new born nursing is very very different to a child. A new born nurses very frequently and being apart can impact nursing as frequent feeding creates milk. In early days prolonged absence can impact milk production and supply. Later on the milk is just made as needed.

nicesunday · 31/05/2023 10:43

Tophy124 · 31/05/2023 01:14

For all those saying that non breast feeders give our children milk still at age 4, I certainly don’t other than what they would eat on cereal. It’s bad for your health to have too much milk as it block other vitamins being absorbed correctly. It’s also ridiculous that a 4yr old still has a dummy and I also find it strange that the child’s dentist hasn’t said anything. Has OP taken their child to a dentist? We cold Turkey removed the dummy when my child turned 2 and he got over it fast.

Block other vitamins? You do realise raw cow's milk is FULL of vitamins? Where do people get this information, it's laughable 😂

StormShadow · 31/05/2023 10:49

There's a fair amount of shite talked about cows milk on the Internet.

Whatevercanbedone · 31/05/2023 10:49

Cows milk is full of vitamins tailored to a calf body and needs.
A calf nutritional need is very different to a human childs nutritional need.

StormShadow · 31/05/2023 10:51

Whatevercanbedone · 31/05/2023 10:49

Cows milk is full of vitamins tailored to a calf body and needs.
A calf nutritional need is very different to a human childs nutritional need.

Well yes, but it's the entirety of a calfs diet initially whereas for human children it'll only be part of it at most.

Original poster
Pumpkinspicedmum · 31/05/2023 10:59

Just to respond to a few points. DD is very independent is most ways, she is a very social child and is full time at nursery and never asks for milk during the day. She likes a feed when she wakes about 6am and one in the evening, usually after bath time. I feel lousy about the dummy but our dentist hasnt mentioned it and her teeth are fine (no big gaps) which I count my lucky stars for! Her speech is also very good. She doesnt have her dummy all day anymore, usually if she is tired, upset or under the weather but as a baby and toddler it was pretty constant. We have been strict with not letting DS have a dummy at all and thankfully he's never really needed one.

I don't "baby" DD, but I dont like the idea of withdrawing comfort either. DS has a cuddly lamb he uses for comfort and cant be without but DD seems to get her comfort from feeding. I assumed she'd self wean at age 2 approx but when she didnt, I didnt want to just force her off.

I think maybe myself and DH need to work on our marriage a bit and try to find a way to stop arguing about this. Any advice on how to handle this side of it? Xx

OP posts:
Swimbikerunmummy · 31/05/2023 11:00

I went back to work when my dc was 6 months old. It had no impact on my ability to bf. Used expressed milk until they were around 1year then after that they would just nurse when we were together. Primarily before bed and when waking

Whatevercanbedone · 31/05/2023 11:09

@StormShadow
No it's not calf's eat grass / hay alongside the cows milk after an initial period
Human babies have BF only until around 6minths and then alongside other nutrition

StormShadow · 31/05/2023 11:15

Whatevercanbedone · 31/05/2023 11:09

@StormShadow
No it's not calf's eat grass / hay alongside the cows milk after an initial period
Human babies have BF only until around 6minths and then alongside other nutrition

Right, so calves do subsist entirely on cows milk for a time then, and human babies pretty much never do. As I said. So what point were you making when you stated that cow's milk is tailored to solely sustain a calf not a human? Because it's not wrong, but it's also not clear how it's relevant?

Whatevercanbedone · 31/05/2023 11:18

Babies live in only human milk for a time if BF. If FF then they have only Formula for a time. Formula is made from cow milk.

Whatevercanbedone · 31/05/2023 11:20

Human milk is better for humans of any age than cow milk. We just don't farm humans.

In many cultures expressed human milk is given to the elderly and sick due to its amazing benefits.

RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 31/05/2023 11:21

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 30/05/2023 22:54

I’d be thinking about starting school and see if she will drink milk out of a cup.
Its your choice but personally I think 4 is too old.

Is your comprehension dodgy, QueenOf? DD bfs first thing and then in the evening, neither of which clash with the school day. So stop your faux concern.