Breastfeeding DD(4)

[Pumpkinspicedmum]

I have a DD(4) and DS(18 months). I have always wanted to breastfeed them until they wean naturally and always assumed this would be between 18 months and 2 years.

My DD is showing absolutely no desire to give up the boob and currently feeds first thing in the morning and again at some point in the evening, so only twice a day. I am more than happy with this as it obviously brings her comfort. However, DH has made it known to me that he thinks this is wrong and that I should be making her stop. He is very much of the opinion that she is too old and I should be putting boundaries in place. He has admitted he feels embarrassed about the situation and has asked for me to feed DD in private as he doesnt want to see it.

AIBU to insist on letting her feed until she is ready to wean naturally or should I make her stop? I am also worried that she'll get jealous if she sees DS still feeding. She is also still very attached to her dummy, something that also bothers DH. Any advice from anyone who has been through similar would be appreciated as it's a real bone of contention in our marriage at the moment. TIA

Photos showing mum cat just finished nursing her adult kitten and they remain so close now that when that kitten went on to have her own litter, mum cat was in the box with her helping take care of the babies.

If other mammals feed way past the start of weaning age, what makes it so wrong for humans to do so?

I BF until about 4 my mum tells me and turned out (reasonably) normal, but yes probably time to stop 🙂

It’s a beautiful thing that you’re doing so ignore anything other than your own intuition and follow your and your child’s own path x

And if that means the husband asks for a divorce? It’s clearly something he feels strongly about.

It doesn’t matter if the child is too old or not - there’s more to this than OPs is admitting.

Personally I think this benefits OP more than the child - so yes they are too old and OP needs to look at why she allows it to carry on.

Way too old for a dummy, I’m surprised your dentist hasn’t spoken to you.

I breastfed my daughter until she weaned herself at just before 4 years old, at least six months before she started school. I definitely would have eased her off by that point if she had not already. My DH never complained. He saw all the benefits it gave over the years and not just from a nutritional perspective. At that stage the nutritional aspect is not a particularly valid one anyway with plenty of food available!

She actually mentioned it to me yesterday about breastfeeding and she’s nearly 7! She never forgot it and she always says she will do the same for her own baby, which is lovely I think when so many mums just refuse to try it.

Just gorgeous- we can learn a lot from the mammals we think we are so superior from.

Formula feeder? If so, you’ll just never get it.

Feed mine until 4.5. DH's opinion was 'whatever is best for our DC is the best thing to do'. He knew it was good for DC's immune system, and that it was something that gave DC comfort. No drama.

You "carry on" because you think it's doing them good and is comforting to them, and if natural weaning, there is no battle there, just a part of parenting. Agree with pp, if you've never done it, you don't get it.

Which culture/country breastfeeds until 7?

Most of us give milk to our children at that age. Using another mammal's milk is perfectly acceptable but actual human mother milk to their own baby is not normal or necessary?
Using an electric machine and putting the milk in a plastic bottle is natural, but breastfeeding a four yo is wrong?

As breasts have been sexualised by the patriarchy, here we are, women, shaming each other for using them to nurture.

YANBU, as others have said natural term weaning is waaayy past what western society says it should be. My DD is about to turn 4 and while she's mostly naturally weaned herself off now she still has a very occasional feed when she's not quite herself (I'm amazed there's still milk there with how occasional it is!). Her dad also doesn't like it - but my breasts don't belong to him and I'm using them for the purpose they were made for. If you and your DD are happy then that's all that should matter frankly.

She's not dependent on me, she does fine in nursery and will do fine in school too. She is still a small child who needs comfort - I know much older children who have special blankets or toys that they get comfort from, I'm sure nobody would see an issue with that. Why take away something that doesn't harm her and gives her comfort? She really won't breastfeed forever! As for it having no benefits - breastmilk still contains antibodies for viruses, it was also the only thing that kept my DD from needing to be admitted to hospital on an IV drip a few months ago when she was extremely unwell because it was the only fluid intake she was getting!

For all those saying that non breast feeders give our children milk still at age 4, I certainly don’t other than what they would eat on cereal. It’s bad for your health to have too much milk as it block other vitamins being absorbed correctly. It’s also ridiculous that a 4yr old still has a dummy and I also find it strange that the child’s dentist hasn’t said anything. Has OP taken their child to a dentist? We cold Turkey removed the dummy when my child turned 2 and he got over it fast.

I don't have kids but I'dve thought you'd want her not to want this when she goes to school, as she won't be able to have it during those hours. So presumably it would stop before then. And you'd probably want to give her a chance to adjust to being without it, rather than facing the stress of school at the same time.

So starting to wean her off it now is about right.

You’re wrong about the nutrition within breastmilk.

A woman’s body and the breastmilk itself is extremely clever and over time, it adapts to your baby or child’s needs ….whether than be with a higher fat to water ratio or vice versa. This is the same for micronutrients within it. If the infant is poorly, the breastmilk changes, if the child is having a growth spurt the milk changes.

There is a wealth of information about just how ‘magical’ breastmilk is.
A child would wean naturally between 2yrs - 7 yrs.

D whilst I’m not advocation for long term dummies, my DD (now 21) had her dummies until she was 10 (not in public from about 4). Her teeth are perfect and beautiful and her dentist said if she hadn’t told him, he would never have known she had sucked a dummy at all, let alone that long. So it’s not always the case that sucking a dummy is damaging.

Your DD was very lucky, I don't really understand the point of these posts when you're illustrating a very rare exception. Slightly pointless

How do you know it’s rare? 🤔
Ive never researched the data for extended dummy sucking. 😂

I fed one of mine until she was 4. I was all for child-led weaning, but in the end I just wanted my body to be my own, so I have to admit I bribed her with a doll. The deal was no milk for a week before she could have the doll, it worked and she moved on very quickly. There is no way I'd give any thought to man's opinion though. Breastfeeding is about the mother and child dyad - no one else gets a say.

None as you rightly suspect. There is lots of misinformation aka lies on this thread. No. The average global age of weaning is not 4-7. Utter bollocks. There is no country at all where the age of weaning is 4-7. China - most populous country, only 20% of children are still ebf at 6months. Globally only 44% at 6 months.

For me four feels too old to BF but it is personal and harmless. However, the dummy dependence at that age is significantly more perplexing as that is not harmless.

@GeorgiaGirl52 I can imagine the teacher would be unsettled! But a 4 year old denied pre-school is awful.
We had a mum at pre-school who came in at mid-morning to breast feed her child. We just let her carry on.
The other children sat round the table at snack time, while this child was breastfed in a corner.
Not one of the other children ever batted an eye. Not one ever commented.

Your choice but for me nope. I think at 4 you need to start preparing your DC for school which does not include a dummy or breastfeeding

Sure. A 7 year old - say as old as my DS who is 7. So this is how it would go -

“Can I do some Minecraft after I’ve done the fractions homework? Yay! Oh also some booby please now!”

If this genuinely feels normal for a Year 2 going on Year 3 kid to do in your house sure go for it.