Breastfeeding DD(4)

[Pumpkinspicedmum]

I have a DD(4) and DS(18 months). I have always wanted to breastfeed them until they wean naturally and always assumed this would be between 18 months and 2 years.

My DD is showing absolutely no desire to give up the boob and currently feeds first thing in the morning and again at some point in the evening, so only twice a day. I am more than happy with this as it obviously brings her comfort. However, DH has made it known to me that he thinks this is wrong and that I should be making her stop. He is very much of the opinion that she is too old and I should be putting boundaries in place. He has admitted he feels embarrassed about the situation and has asked for me to feed DD in private as he doesnt want to see it.

AIBU to insist on letting her feed until she is ready to wean naturally or should I make her stop? I am also worried that she'll get jealous if she sees DS still feeding. She is also still very attached to her dummy, something that also bothers DH. Any advice from anyone who has been through similar would be appreciated as it's a real bone of contention in our marriage at the moment. TIA

Where is it the norm for children of 7 to be bf?

What's wrong with getting comfort from breastfeeding?
It is a powerful parenting tool too, instant relief when they are hurt or upset, just like they are used to since they were born. You don't suddenly start bfing a 4yr old, its just completely normal for them and for the mother. It's not something that you'd understand if you haven't been through it, so it's pointless explaining.
My DD is very well adjusted, and grown up now, very sensible girl of 12.

Research on our species determines that it’s normal, see the link I’ve posted above. You’re wrong about the nutritional benefits and you fail to mention the immunity benefits of breastmilk. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with suckling for comfort either, comforting your young child is normal and healthy for their minds.

It’s personal to you and your daughter. You’ve respected you DH’s wishes by feeding away from him. I wouldn’t feel forced to stop until you are both ready. Everyone rushes to take comfort away from babies and children (dummies, bottles, comforters, sleeping in arms, feeding to sleep etc all seem to have to be stopped when children are so little still.) I think it’s really sad.

You know her best. Go with what you think will suit her needs best.

6 and 7? Really?? Are you in the UK?

Do what feels right for you and your Dd. I found it a natural process. Ds was 4.5 and in reception when he finally weaned himself off his bedtime feed. He remembers boobs fondly and says he misses them. He's 8 and says my milk was the best milk ever. I've no regrets at all. It warms the cockles when I hear of others who have fed for a long time. It seems so rare. It's a wonderful gift for both of you.

What dependency is this then?

I’ve never met a teenager that still breastfeeds so I wouldn’t worry. She will stop when she’s ready.

Yes, in the UK. I mingled in various local homeschool/attachment parenting groups, you know, cloth nappies and all that stuff. Within those circles, I found it more common than not to be BFing well past toddlerhood. Most were four, five or six, one that I can think of went til seven, and I am pretty sure one was eight.

Your choice but in my opinion, 4 is time to stop. Children often start losing their milk teeth at around 5, its kind of in the name! Are you still feeding her at bed time? She really needs to brush her teeth after feeding as it's awful for their teeth.

At this age, she has all the nutrition she needs from elsewhere, she is using it solely for comfort. It amuses me that both dummy and breastfeeding are solely for comfort but many of the same posters that think breastfeeding should continue advocate getting rid of the dummy! Also worth pointing out that with most lactating animals, the mother decides when to stop, they don't let the baby decide when it wants to wean.

I had a dummy until 3 with no issues, but the health visitors put my mum off so badly that with my younger sibling they weren't given a dummy, sucked their thumb (which couldn't be removed), was still sucking their thumb at 14, and needed special braces because the thumb sucking pulled their top jaw forward and pushed bottom jaw back so out of alignement. Safe to say younger siblings after that were given a dummy!

That's lovely! My daughter is also eight, and was bf til 5.1. She too remembers it fondly, and occasionally lords it over her brother who didn't nurse quite as long as she did (I gently encouraged him off a little sooner that was perfectly natural for him as we were desperately ttc dd and my age was against my chances, and I felt BF wasn't helping. He feels hard done by! 😅)

Are you aware just how long some mammals feed their infants for when humans don’t intervene to separate them?

We kept one of my cats kittens many years ago. That kitten was still nursing on a daily basis at 9 months old and slowly stopped. Considering cats are weaned at 4-6 weeks old that’s an awful lot longer comparatively than breastfeeding at 4 years in humans.

Serious question.... why do you think its too old?

That’s a very unusual cat. Mine sat on her nipples and batted the kittens away after six weeks.

I just wanted my body back at six months. The thought of four years makes me shudder.

I know you asked for opinions but I’m surprised at those who think 4 is too old and breastfeeding should be for babies. I thought we’d come past that backward theory along time ago!
Feed your dd until she -or you or both are ready to stop.

i may get told of for this but NO 4 is to old ive had 2 children both bottle fed my choice both off bottles and using normal cups at 4 . But come on 4 5 6 7 year olds getting breastfeed NO just NO there little but not babies .

Not sure what cats you've had but kittens aren't usually fully weaned until about 8 weeks, and start to lose their milk teeth at around 10-12 weeks. Most cats I know start to smack the kittens away if they try to continue to feed after the 2 month mark.

My DD was using a normal cup at 1, despite being breastfed till 4.5. what's that got to do with anything?

I'm with your DH.

I would argue your cat is unusual.

I breed Ragdoll’s so see a lot of kittens. Every single one of them has fed until they go to their new homes at 13 weeks.

Too old, and she has school soon.

I didn’t say fully weaned. I said weaned. Fully weaned means no longer nursing. My kittens start eating solid food between 4 and 6 weeks old.

1 child BF till day before 6yrs old. From 5.5 it was a couple of feeds a week. Not everyday and linked to needs.

Other child was 2.5

Every child is different there is no right or wrong age to wean. If child isn't ready and mum is happy to continue I don't see what business it is of anyone else.
You can not make a child BF who doesn't want too. If mum needs/wants to stop then they can take steps to wean before child naturally does.
I did encourage weaning in first instance but it was a slow process and child would have chosen to continue I think.

@Pumpkinspicedmum at 4 she should be self soothing

Funnily enough, school aren't bothered if they are breastfed or not. It's not a topic of conversation with the kids either. It's a non issue in my experience. Never held back my DD who's been top table all her school life and never had a day off sick in the 9yrs she's been at school.

People feel how they feel. I would feel the same as your dh. You feel how you feel that extended bf and self weaning is fine. I think its an ok compromise for you to feed somewhere else where dh isn't.