Who's being a CF here?

[Thatleadsingersbiggestfan]

Ok so help solve this for me please.
DP will be moving in with me & my 2 primary aged DS's later part of this year, date to be confirmed. DP is lovely and both DS's love him.
He has one DD, teens who lives with ex.

Been together 18 months. DP is generally generous. Basic job basic pay, retail.
DP currently living with his dad in his childhood room, only paying £40pw so basically being subsidised to a degree. Dad selling up and moving in with GF soon.
DP has no property, his ex had own house before they met.
I have my own home, mortgaged currently (pretty low payments at this stage) but will be paid off within 5 years or less.

This is also a WWYD.
DP keeps looking at house stuff, ornaments, knick knacks, and furniture etc, yes it's nice he's looking ahead.
Here's the but.
My bedroom furniture will need to be changed, mine is virtually new and I'm happy with it, but DP is tall so he wants to upgrade to a bigger and longer bed (I'm petite) and he also wants a taller wardrobe etc. Fair enough.
He's assuming that I'm going to pay for these?? Or he'll 'chip in' I think where his words when we spoke about it after Xmas. Like it's a favour 🤑.
For context I have a tiny bit of rainy day savings, which I've already eaten into. Struggling like everyone else right now.
I have a low wage p/t job, no means to increase and no support with DSs, no family nearby etc, I get CTC and WFTC, both of which I'll lose once he's moved in.
Should I be telling him he's got to buy the bedroom furniture himself?
I don't feel happy effectively paying for him to move in with me, saving himself maybe 1200pm + in rent and bills he'd have paid once his DF moves away.
Would you expect your shortfall covered at the very least?
Context again, I pay what I can, proportional to my earnings when we go out as a couple, often more than I can afford, but usually less than half.
I don't want to make money from him, but I also don't want to be using any of my own, which I class as for my 2 boys only, to essentially subsidise him moving into my large property cheaply (is-that-even-a-word)
Opinions please MNers!

Don't forget the extra on the council tax if you're no longer the only adult in the house, plus the new bed linen to go with the bigger bed.

This is so true.

I wouldn't move him in. I certainly wouldnt marry him. You don't want your assets to become marital assets.

Hopefully he's not dropped by to ask if I can raise my door frames, but if he does then I promise you all that I'll tell him where to go 😆😆.

B&Q with your bank card?

I feel really sorry for your boys OP. Please take this seriously.

So you've made a spreadsheet detailing all of your weekly, monthly and yearly outgoings. You divided it by two and discussed the figures with him so he know what his contribution is going to need to be. You've been to see a solicitor and had documents drawn up so he has no future claim on your property.

And then you don't give him a front door key because HE IS A COCK LODGER.

You don't sound like you can particularly afford this cocklodger OP.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

oh and……wankbadger 😂😂. That’s a new one on me !

Late to the party but…
”Dad selling up and moving in with GF soon.”

So he’s moving in with you because you both decided the time was right then, and it’s nothing to do with his dad selling up?

I don’t understand how you could talk about moving in but not talk finances. It’s wildly irresponsible.

Live together for 12 months then decorate together! Also he should pay half of all bills and make sure to charge him a small rent on too make sure you write it all down so it's rent not paying your mortgage.this already isn't going to end well you need to protect yourself xx

So this Prince among men…has he ever stood on his own 2 feet? Moved in with an ex who owned her own property, now stays with his dad for a shameful pittance of a contribution, 18 months in with you and stops by unexpectedly to grace you with a massive shit in your loo all the while dropping heavy hints about you paying for his frankly fucking ridiculous trouser wardrobe fetish when really, he should have tens of 1000s in the bank by now but still has no idea of what adulting is?
He must, as they say, have a solid gold cock.
You can put as many 😂 as you like in your posts, you’re fooling no one here. You’ve 2 young kids and you’ve not even had “that chat” with him fgs. He must be rubbing his hands in delight. For the love of all the gods, don’t move this chocolate teapot into your home.

Omg seconding what other posters say. A long length wardrobe paid for on your dime is just insane. You must have a full and frank chat before he comes within a mile of moving in

This is going to be a big mistake. It’ll cause resentment and misery down the line. He should find his own accommodation. However “generous” you feel he is, the fact that he doesn’t want to pay for new furniture when he’s moving in to your space is v concerning. As my Grandmother always said, a man who is mean with his money is mean with his love. She was spot on. Just don’t.

£40 a week for a full time retail job!

i paid my mum more than this 30 years ago aged 20

I’m really hopeful that you are going to put the brakes on this for a bit OP. Just wait for another 6 months/year to see
how your relationship goes when he doesn’t have the cushion of virtually living rent free with his dad. And when he has to do adult stuff like pay his own bills and buy his own furniture. Fingers crossed it will give him an appreciation for your own living costs, and he will make sure that you are not financially worse off when he moves in with you. And in the meantime I think you should really consider all the benefits of having your own space and a boyfriend who doesn’t live with you and your kids.

Eek, lots of good advice here amongst the amusing chat.

Please get proper advice about how his financial contribution can lead to him claiming he has entitlement to your property (solicitor or even Citizens Advice) - for instance, don't ask him for mortgage payments or anything that looks like it as he may be able to claim he is owed a share of your home! Please please think long and hard about this commitment and how expensive it's going to be for you, the benefits only seem to be one way.

But the biggest thing that stands out to me is your lack of consideration for your primary aged children. You've only been together 18 months. Why move in together now?

I wonder why his dad is moving away!

I just can't understand how you've agreed a timescale for him to move him, without even discussing how to split bills/rent etc

You shouldn't be worse off when your partner moves in.

But, as hes currently paying £40 a week he's going to be paying a lot more. You need to check he can afford it!

You say he pays for things 'when he has money'. Do you pay for him sometimes?

Where did you find this Prince among men?

Nah, get shot

Please don't let him move in. As everyone has said massive red flags. You are going to be so much worse off financially.

I can’t understand for the life of me why OP thinks this is so hilarious? Every post contains a laughing emoji.

This is a serious situation. Firstly this man is moving in to your children’s home too soon. Secondly he’s never been independent.

I guarantee he’ll ask you to marry him before the end if the year. You’ll agree of course and then your almost paid off house will be half his. You’re completely dickmatized. Poor kids.

Agree with earlier posts, please protect yours and your childs home and future, draw up something legal while protection is being drawn up at a solicitors, hes pays at least half of everything, more if his child comes to visit for extra food.
You are not being mean you are being sensible, i know a lady who let her boyfriend move in to her home, 7 years later they split, he claimed a percentage via the courts, she had to pay him to move out.
PROTECT your property, its a grown up thing to do.

You're responsible for the welfare of 2 little kids and you seem so flippant about this. You're willing to see yourself, and thereby them, financially worse off but yet haven't had a conversation about what your DP will be contributing. Reckless behaviour. He must be fantastic shag to put him before your own kids like this.

This. I fucking despair sometimes.

Fuck that.

When my DP and I discussed moving in, he said he would pay what I would lose from tax credits and the extra for the single persons discount (council tax) on top of splitting all the bills in half.

That's what good men do. Yours is a user and a cock lodger. Do not do it. You would be a fool to let this man live with you.