cfs or family in need?

[Sheruns]

More of a wwyd than an aibu but not sure where to post.

I've lived in a new estate for a while with dp and dc. We were one of the first families in but as the weeks have passed a few other families have moved in. There are two kids across the road and a few doors away similar age to my two and they've been playing out a lot together.

Not sure it makes any difference but their mum appears to be by herself with these two and two older dc. Haven't spoken to mum other than a brief hi.

With the weather being good the kids have been having lots of fun playing out and especially now it's half term but these two children are becoming a bit of an issue. At first I thought mum was a bit of a cf because the kids always seemed to be in my garden and running in and out of my house but my younger one struggles to make friends and they seem like nice kids so we accepted that. As time has gone on, we've become concerned with how much food her kids are asking for and taking without asking for.

At first it was the odd thing like they were calling round to play just as we finished dinner so our kids we're finishing up a yoghurt or piece of fruit and they requested one. One night I ordered takeaway pizza and their kids helped themselves. My dp caught one of them in our snack cupboard helping himself with chocolate. I've seen them both just take fruit from our fruit bowl. I was out yesterday late morning when my two requested eggs on toast for brunch and they asked for some too. So my partner said something like you better ask your mum in case she's started making your lunch thinking once they asked their mum she'd tell them to stop asking for food at ours. They came back and she'd said it was fine. Last night asked them to go home while mine had dinner. They were really difficult to get them to leave, asking if they could play in our garden while they waited. In no time at all they were circling our table like vultures, asking for a piece of cucumber or a chip and then devouring my youngests left overs the minute he stood up.

Tonight I've been to the gym after feeding the kids and one of them has asked dp for dinner!

We've tried to ask about meals at their own house and at one point the other week one told us that mum would feed them when it was dark.

Do you think they're trying it on and just greedy kids? Do you think mum is a Cf just happy to let me deal with them? Do you think mum is struggling?

I kinda want to say something to mum because I'd be horrified if my kids did this (although I will say they're very polite when they do ask), but I don't want to embarrass her if she is struggling. If she was struggling though I'd try to help perhaps.

So wwyd?

You know nothing about me i.have one severely disabled child and another who.has just been diagnosed with diabetes,so no I can't afford to feed random.neighbours kids and with COL,crisis neither can many other families.

To clarify: when I say 'don't have enough to eat', I'm talking about clinical malnutrition. Not just 'being peckish because Mum hasn't got my dinner on yet so I'll nick my mate's mum's leftover pizza.'

Are these children suffering from malnutrition or starvation? NO. I'm sorry. I don't buy it. They wouldn't be running around and playing for a start.

The rates of children admitted to hospital in England & Wales for malnutrition is thankfully very low when measured on the scale of OECD countries, and is almost always due to an underlying health condition, cystic fibrosis and cancer being the two leading causes. That, thankfully, does not seem to be the case with OP's neighbour's children. She has not said that they appear noticeably underweight.

Childhood malnutrition is a serious issue in the emerging world and pretending that what OP is describing is on a par with what's happening in Sudan or Somalia is just dumb.

To be fair I didn't say anything as I was just a bit too shocked. I know I should have but I'm crap at telling people no. Especially kids. They've been round this afternoon but only for the past hour as we were out until then. I'll see what happens when I cook dinner. They will of course be told to go home before I plate up tonight

Safeguarding is everyone's business - except when it comes to hungry children who aren't your own, eh? I'm not wealthy; I've also never denied food to a hungry child. The UK is full of selfish people.

I look after my own first and foremost. I learned the importance of that the hard way.

If you can afford to feed four extra children other than your own, then be grateful for your privilege and don’t preach to others.

Good for you but I m not going to feed a random child ,at the expense of my own kids 🙄

It's almost as though the parents don't have responsibility for feeding thier own children.

@potniatheron Oh well, that's fine then! We're not as bad as Sudan or Somalia, so everything's just fine and dandy! In the 7th biggest economy in the world, I can't help thinking we should be aiming a bit higher than that. The effects of malnutrition kick in well before we get the telegenic pictures of skeletal babies. FFS.

You know nothing about me i.have one severely disabled child and another who.has just been diagnosed with diabetes,so no I can't afford to feed random.neighbours kids and with COL,crisis neither can many other families.

And some people can. There's no need to refuse hungry kids if you can afford to give them some food because some people can't. Safeguarding is everyone's business.

Why the people who can't afford to feed an extra sandwich on this thread are so angry is beyond me. We're talking about small kids who are hungry and looking for food. Yes report to ss if there are concerns but you won't solve the worlds problems by reporting to ss.

Where our local area is there is a charity that helps out. You can be working or no income but struggling to feed or clothe your children. It’s a self referral process and private. It’s called Gianna’s baby bank and as long as there is a child in the family they will help or let you know who else could. As it’s self referral lots more families are asking for help as no need to ask GP or schools or social services
obviously if they arrive at the house and they think a referral to social services might get more help for the family then they will discuss this with them.

I'd ask them what school they go to and report this to the school. Just say that they seem to be hungry all of the time.

I personally would buy a 75p loaf and value jam and give them a few slices of toast and jam whenever they're round. They sound like they're very hungry.

It's a hard one OP. They're definitely hungry, but that might be due to the mum not being able to afford enough food rather than being a CF. I like PP comment re the loaf of bread. I'd try and get an understanding of the situation, and normally I'm a hard bitch but if they're genuinely hungry I'd probably work out how to give them a few meals a week if you can afford to do so.

It was CF territory the minute they came in uninvited imo. As for taking food - what are you, a food bank?

Despite the PR put about by some activists, it is extremely rare in this country for children to genuinely not have enough to eat

Extremely rare? Get your head out your arse

You need to make it clear to your DC AND to the other DC that they are not to help themselves to food under any circumstances.

Send them home at regular intervals, particularly when you're having your meals. They are being fed, but it sounds like the mum is taking the easier and cheaper of option of letting them eat elsewhere.

Ime it's the poorer people who share their food and will give money to beggers. Wealthy people tend to be less generous usually because they have no idea what it's actually like to be poor, and they probably stay wealthy for this reason too!

God I would've too, takeaway pizza can be bloody expensive!

Any child that will choose to eat beetroot pasta and mackerel gratin must be very hungry!
I imagine they usually get free school lunches, maybe also breakfast at school, and are now hungry.
I am fortunately in a position to provide some cheap nutritious food like cereal, beams on toast etc for lunch or afternoon tea and that's what I'd do. But I wouldn't allow them to just take food, and I'd make them go home for dinner.

Absolutely!
If they were just asking for sweets/treats they are being rude.
If they are eating eggs/fruit etc these children are hungry.
A very sad sign of the times I’m afraid.
I work in a primary school and sadly we are seeing this more and more at the moment.
I would happily feed them if I could afford to.

Agree. Genuinely saddened by people who are calling these people CF. They are just hungry children

Is it possible the kids just enjoy playing at your house, so want to hang out at much as possible? That their mum just feeds them when they arrive back? By all means get to know their mum, but tread carefully on this subject, you will be neighbours for a long time.

They do sound genuinely hungry, perhaps the dinner at their house is at 7pm but they’re actually already starving at 5, and perhaps they don’t have access to snacks at home. Hopefully you will get to chat to their mum and find out what’s going on.

Because people like you need to get your privileged heads out of your privileged backsides and stop berating posters for not being willing ti.feed random kids just because you can that doesn't help.the situation if The mother genuinely can't afford to feed her lots of is unwilling to, giving them jam butties won't help in long term ,report to The appropriate authorities
The cost of living crisis is very real for many families

We had a similar situation, and the DC and his DM were CF in my situation.
More often than not, a friend of my DC would accompany DC for mealtimes, and I always felt obliged to also feed the friend. This went on for a few weeks.
I quizzed DC about his friend's behaviour around mealtimes and asked him if perhaps his friend is a little hungry and DC openly told me that his friend didn't like going home during mealtimes because he wasn't allowed straight back out to play after finishing his meals and that's why he accompanied my DC to our house and the friend would then tell his DM that he didn't need lunch or dinner because I had already fed him! The DM never contacted me to ask if this is OK or thanked me for feeding her DC. After learning this, I put my foot down and told the friend, "DC is having his meal know, he'll be back out later on"

Right. And do you think these kids are suffering from malnutrition? If so, please aim your advice at OP. Not me.

You know exactly why I mentioned Somalia, please don’t come at me with your preaching and holier than though attitude. We can only see our country in comparison to other countries, not to some prelapsarian utopia which exists only in your own mind.

In general if you are concerned about childhood nutrition then I suggest you aim your efforts out in the real world rather than shouting uselessly at me on the internet. Reality is far more fulfilling than virtuous posing on MN. For example, I help run a five a side for disadvantaged kids in my area. This is important as CDE kids are particularly vulnerable to childhood obesity and it can really affect their life chances, health and happiness.