To think this manager is being unfair?

[quiettimes]

I got pulled into an “informal meeting” today with a male manager because apparently my dress is too short and he will be monitoring my attire going forward. What I’m wearing isn’t against the dress code guidance (which is just “smart casual”. This dress covers my knees and is not a fitted style so it isn’t riding up. I have worn it to work many times before and no issues were raised previously.

aibu to be annoyed about being spoken to about this? Other people not only wear dresses the same length as me, but shorter things. Some are literally wearing things directly against the dress standards such as jeans, trainers, t shirts and hoodies today. They aren’t being spoken to. I feel like it’s personal and nitpicking to raise this. Particularly as it’s also 20 degrees outside and the heating is ON inside, so everyone at work is profusely sweating working through headache inducing heat.

You don't just email him - you copy in your own line manager and HR. That way he hangs himself in front of an audience. And it gives you leeway to escalate to them if he's being inconsistent. E.g. Dickhead has advised my outfit today is inappropriate. His constant criticism of what I wear is inconsistent and no other staff are being treated this way, including those who are wearing crop tops etc.

You’ve made the news op
https://www.newsweek.com/boss-slammed-telling-woman-dress-too-short-1803542

Dear Newsweek,

You missed the crux of this issue - that he's picking on OP despite his girlfriend wearing inappropriate clothing. And that he plans to "monitor" OP's attire now because "as a woman" she should just know what is inappropriate.

Your expert's advice about this being a poorly handled exchange looks utterly ridiculous, when it's a clear cut case of bullying and sexism.

And indeed implies the OP has breached the dress code when they haven't. Impressively shoddy "journalism".

I don’t mind the article as such, it wasn’t negative against me…but can the posters who asked me to upload a photo understand why I didn’t now 😂

anyway today I found out I secured a promotion!

Congratulations.

Well done OP.

But please tell us you have written email documenting everything

Congratulations on your promotion

That's the worst piece of 'journalism' I have ever seen. There's 0 structure to the article.

I'd be taking her picture quietly, and your own, and going over his head with his treatment of you versus his girlfriend at work.

'Hi RandomManager,

Further to our informal meeting this morning, I'm forwarding a complaint to HR about your behaviour, which I consider to be unsolicited harrassment/bullying.

Your, quiettimes

This - and keep a note of everything he says/does which is inappropriate in future.

IIRC it isn't appropriate for a male manager to make a criticism like this anyway (even if it is justified). A female manager /HR assistant would be expected to do it.

Yep document it all. Also note down other people's inappropriate clothes as well. Talk to HR. I don't see how a dress that is past your knees could be offensive!

Document everything. As per PP, email asking for clarification. Get him to put his concerns in writing. Give him enough rope to hang himself.

If it were me, I'd come in the next day in a sackcloth and ashes, but there are reasons I've never progressed very far in any career, so don't be me.

Congratulations OP 💐, I do hope you're now both on an equal footing and can pull him on his & his girlfriend on their dress code 😆

Congratulations OP. But I’m afraid you need to stamp on this now. If you let him get away with it then it will only get worse. He is making you uncomfortable on purpose. Email him as above - refuse any more unofficial meetings - demand that HR is present. You need to involved HR either as a formal complaint or as a ‘this has happened, I’d like clarity on dress code, processes for complaints about dress code violations, and what monitoring my outfits entails’.

I agree that you should make a follow-up email. But not to him. To your manager and/or HR with maybe this chap on cc. (if you can speak to your own manager first, that would help)

Ask for clear guidelines on office attire as x spoke to you today and you don't agree with his asssessment.
Also mention what he said about your own judgment, and that exercising that in your opinion there is nothing against company guidelines.

I would mention - not in writing - to HR what he said about "monitoring" in a heads-up this might backfire on your company if male managers do this, kind of way.

And tomorrow come in in lycra shorts and a crop top, make sure he sees you before you go to your desk - then change into the same dress you were wearing today...

Maybe this will help him, when I was at school, the guidance was if you knelt on the floor the skirt had to cover your knees. Suggest he might like to initiate a morning kneel for all female members of staff to check their skirt lengths met his exacting standards. At the same time he could bring in a shirt button gape rule for slightly plump male colleagues.

Not read the full thread but I think I would send the person concerned an email saying that I don't think it's appropriate for a man to comment on a female colleague's clothes and copy in HR.

I am fairly conservative about clothing in the office (don't like strappy tops, flipflops etc) but ultimately it is for HR to make policy.

And more importantly than that, it is never a good look for a man to say anything at all to a woman! Even if he is her line manager, he should get a female colleague to say something unless it is something like please don't wear flipflops in the office.

Yes this and cc HR. Is there another manager/ line manager you could speak to? Try and do it all today. Foolish twit 'man'ager.

I would go to HR on the grounds of asking for advice on your attire as you were recently told by your manager it was not suitable and he will be monitoring your attire which you don't feel comfortable with.

This will expose his actions to HR, whilst raising your concerns. But I wouldn't mention why you think it's happened. I'd say future meetings should include HR.

Ah, so he found out that you were getting promoted over him/his girlfriend and wanted to throw his toys out of his pram. This was the best he could muster.

Don't forget to have an "informal chat" about her crop tops when you're his girlfriend's supervisor/line manager.

Agree with what others have said: I would escalate this by requesting formal clarification. He had walked into an HR nightmare by being unprofessional and I don’t think he should get away with it. On the knee is fine unless it’s a nunnery.