To think this manager is being unfair?

[quiettimes]

I got pulled into an “informal meeting” today with a male manager because apparently my dress is too short and he will be monitoring my attire going forward. What I’m wearing isn’t against the dress code guidance (which is just “smart casual”. This dress covers my knees and is not a fitted style so it isn’t riding up. I have worn it to work many times before and no issues were raised previously.

aibu to be annoyed about being spoken to about this? Other people not only wear dresses the same length as me, but shorter things. Some are literally wearing things directly against the dress standards such as jeans, trainers, t shirts and hoodies today. They aren’t being spoken to. I feel like it’s personal and nitpicking to raise this. Particularly as it’s also 20 degrees outside and the heating is ON inside, so everyone at work is profusely sweating working through headache inducing heat.

The dress is below your knees? Then the length is not inappropriate.

Is he your Manager? Would dress code fall within his area of responsibility? Do you have HR?
Please email him, your line manager and HR asking for clarification on the dress policy. Don't let him get away with policing what you should wear at work (assuming you are complying with policies and health and safety and common decency!).

It covers her knees and is not tight.

This is highly inappropriate and frankly bordering on sexual harassment and intimidation ,report him to HR. How many other women have been hauled into an office by him,demeaned and intimidated, whilst he remarks on their skirt length, which he should not be focusing on. It’s abusive and could have extremely serious consequences for him , more importantly do you want him getting away with this and escalating with his next victim?

YANBU. Definitely quote his words back to him to get him to confirm them, ask him to confirm what the dress policy is, and which section of it you have breached, and also to confirm that the rules are being applied to all staff members as you can see that many other staff members are going against the official documented dress code (no names).

Make sure that you quote his actual words including about him now monitoring your attire.

Copy in your manager, HR manager, etc, to ensure that this is now on record with anyone that matters.

It sounds quite a sizeable workplace to have a written dress code. I’d go through either a manager or a HR person to complain that you feel the dress code interpretation has been applied unfairly to you. If you want to come out of this looking professional, don’t mention his girlfriend or anyone else’s attire.

Agree email clarifying confirmation of the conversation, including your “attitude” and then take photos of other staff in jeans, Lycra and his girl friend in crop tops so if he takes it further you have evidence of what they are wearing. Obviously don’t do it secretly, pretend it’s just some fun work group pics. Actually do the photos first before he warns his gf your documenting things.

"monitoring my attire going forward"

This is so creepy. Is he going to stand with a clipboard each day and tick pass or fail.

As previously said email including line managers and HR. I would say that the you feel uncomfortable about the meeting and what its means going forward. That this style of meeting was inappropriate, especially if there is no written documentation and a formal meeting is required with HR where he can clarify the policy, what breach there was and the plan going forward.

Did you challenge him. Was he able to show a written policy about dress length?

I should have known his girlfriend would be behind this!

You’ve had some really good advice here (apart from those who seem to think that going all dam-busters will help). Do you have a good relationship with your manager? If so, speak to them first as they might be able to suggest the best way to deal with it - like them having an informal word with him or getting HR to refresh his memory on what the policy is and how it should be applied (i.e. not policed directly by him - if he really has an issue he should have gone to your boss.) If I was your boss I would rather have the heads up first so that I could help find the best resolution. Failing that then the email copied to all three is probably the next best idea.

This male manager is an absolute moron for raising this in an informal meeting.

Please complain to HR as his behaviour as it is appalling.

It doesn’t exactly suggest what you should do but I reckon the GF knows she’s sailing close to the wind with what she’s wearing so she’s getting in first. I agree with those who say to get him to specify which point of the dress code you have broken and talk to either senior management or HR with him present.

Hasten to add, I wouldn’t be talking about other people’s attire because that is not the issue here (even though, as you say, other people may well not be abiding by the rules). This is about your attire for the moment. It might end up being an expanded issue, but for now you need to focus on what he said to you.

Copying in the tosser:

"Hi HR, can I please check what the policy says regarding length of dresses? I was wearing a dress that comes below my knees today and Mr Smith called me into an informal meeting to say he'll be monitoring my attire as I was wearing a dress that sits just below my knees. This made me feel a little uncomfortable as, as far as I'm aware, this is perfectly fine in a smart/casual workplace. Please can you clarify?"

Wow, he's one creepy, dumb fucker isn't he.

Agree emailing documenting the discussion and asking for clarification as to what length of skirt is acceptable. Then follow it up with “but crop tops exposing my naval are ok yes?

Id be getting onto my union about this as it is clearly wrong, you are following the dress code, the dress code hasn't been changed.

If your not in a union then join one pronto

Absolutely formalise a complaint to HR.

With a date stamped photo.

I would consider that harassment and take it VERY seriously.

Have you spoken to your own line manager?

If another manager did this to one of my direct reports I would be straight up his arse giving him grief.

Ask for the policy that states management "monitor your dress going forward".?

I think that is very serious, sinister and chilling.

You have every right to say you no longer feel safe.

I would be kicking up the biggest ruckus over this.

If you have a union, get on to them.

Ring ACAS too.

I would report him to his manager or HR.

There is very good advice on this thread about contacting HR and documenting everything.

I would also go your manager and ask what is wrong with your attire and tell them what he said. If one of my employees told me a male manager was going to 'monitor their attire' the alarm bells would be going off in my head like an emergency klaxon. That sounds like sexual harassment in the making and I'd get HR involved to tell him to stop. That he could well be bullying you rather than aiming for sexually harassing you is beside the point, the whole meeting sounds very inappropriate.

Can you speak to another manager today (ie whilst you’re still wearing the same clothes)? I think you need to put this on record with someone else because this is the sort of thing that can quickly escalate. A knee length dress is perfectly acceptable.

Do this.

Do not go around taking photos of other peoples clothes, ffs and do not ask about his girlfriends attire either. For all you know she could be setting you up to look like you are bullying her. Leave her fully out of it, if others know they are shagging and see what she's wearing they can join the dots to see his unprofessional behaviour and hypocrisy without you needing to point out the bloody obvious.

When they go low, you go high.

I would email him summarising the conversation, your concerns and copy in hr.

Email him for clarification.
Email HR and get an appointment booked.
And wear a shorter dress tomorrow.