Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

...where your child isn’t even attending yet, I may add. Please find another school for everyone’s sanity there.

This could be something, but is probablynothing. It could be an gradual erosion of boundaries, it could be him offering a bit of reassurance. We don't know. But child protection is everyone's responsibility.

The phrase "child protection" in an educational setting refers to situations where professionals /agencies have to intervene to protect children from imminent risk of significant harm. It does not apply to a Teacher putting their hand on a child's shoulder in the presence of colleagues.

The phrase "safeguarding is everyone's responsibility" or "cp is everyone's responsibility" was coined to prevent those who work with children, or come into contact with vulnerable children, from failing to report significant safeguarding incidents due to a belief that someone else will already have reported it, or that they may not be senior enough to do so and it should be left up to others to escalate concerns. It does not mean that anyone should feel justified in making unfounded allegations against a member of staff because they "don't like his demeanour" and he gives them "the ick".

It's great that there's an increased awareness generally of abuse and the need to safeguard children, but the reality of safeguarding is complex. It's not helpful when particular buzzwords and phrases are bandied about in the wrong context because it contributes to widespread misunderstanding, even if the intentions are good.

God. I don’t want teachers touching my kids - how would it be good for them? There seems to have been an all out attack on child safeguarding protocols in the last 20 years.

Probably the same ‘experts’ who advise teaching kink and identity confusion.

So you don't like male teachers in primary schools?

Yeah loads of caring men are like this.

Some like my DP will only help another child if they are have one or more of their own children with them.

The male teachers I know and house shared with had many tactics to ensure they were never left alone in a room with a child. (This is partly why I think the OP's posts are bonkers.)

Parents like you are why so many of us despair! I’ve taught for nearly 20 years. Some parents are so suspicious it’s sad to see. You’re in for a rough ride if you think what you saw is an issue. You’ll be that parent with teachers letting each other know they need to keep themselves distant from your child.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened
Well you kind of are...

Safeguarding has become an obsessive focus. Of course it’s important but it needs to be proportionate. I’m a teacher and a parent and I think you’re gauging something without the relevant information. For a start it wasn’t furtive - that tells you something. If teachers have to behave like robots then schools and children are doomed.

Posters on here policing what people say in their own homes hold no interest to me. My son referred to the teacher as a paedo because my son did not like the fact the teacher would (uninvited) touch and squeeze his shoulders and invade his personal space (not just my son but others who also felt the same). My son didn’t like this teacher and felt uncomfortable around him (all told to me after he left school). Yet people on here are defending his teacher rather than my son’s discomfort at the teacher’s behaviour - it’s a strange world in MN indeed. I can’t take credit for my username, it was the wit of someone else 😁

@ReflectedFlowers - you clearly have no idea what’s actually going on in schools. In my 27 years teaching the focus on safeguarding has grown hugely. Some of that was absolutely necessary but now it feels like it’s crowding out other important things like, teaching and learning. As for the other stuff - don’t believe the nonsense you read in the Daily Mail and all the media hysteria.

Safeguarding has become an obsessive focus.

Good.

Long may it continue.

I think it’s the op’s reaction to being overwhelmingly told she’s got it wrong. Her response is that she’s right, everyone else is wrong, and she’ll not report but only because no-one sees the problem

if she’d reflected a bit, maybe tried to understand why she’s an outlier in her views and maybe consider she’s wrong, and not just the only one right, it’d feel different

@Slidingdowntherainbow you need help. I bet you wouldn’t have an issue with a female teacher holding a young child’s hand or shoulder or hugging a child back. Some primary school children have SEN and require nappy changing. I bet you’d be fine with a woman doing this.

Are you generally uncomfortable with any physical touch? Reassuring hands, claps on backs, pat's on shoulder, are not sexualised behaviours human touch reduced stress we need it, children need it more the suggestion he's openly grooming children by walking with his hand on their shoulders is mad there must be a lot of footballers openly abusing their team mates every match Jesus.

@willWillSmithsmith don't have to be tactile to be a paedophile. The person at work I find creepiest is not at all tactile but he just stares. Constantly. It's people like your son making "jokes" that mean innocent people are subjected to vigilante violence. Even worse when the fuckwits doing it don't know the difference between paedophile and paediatrician.

In all seriousness - what do you expect/want to happen if you contact the school?

"I happened to be walking past, and saw a male teacher with his hands on the shoulders of two pupils. Other trustworthy adults were present, including you yourself, and everyone seemed fine with it. However, I think it was unacceptable."

Suggesting a (presumably trusted and liked) colleague of theirs might be dangerous because he touched a child's shoulder in front of witnesses? And that you, a passer-by, are the only one who can see it - while they, the trained and DBS-cleared professionals, are falling down on the job?

They will think you're a complete loon. You must be able to see this on some level.

The headteacher is going to roll her eyes and (at best) write a polite response saying 'rest assured we take safeguarding seriously'. But there's absolutely no way your complaint is going to bring about meaningful change.

Your kid doesn't attend this school and isn't likely to, you have absolutely no standing to be getting involved, and they won't take you seriously. Save your energy.

So you don’t like his demeanour? But you have never actually had anything to do with him?

It sounds like you are just one of those weirdos who thinks men shouldn’t work in primary.

No, not the same experts at all.

There is plenty of evidence to show that touching is important in a child's development. Amongst other things, it is important in the development of communication. It also helps the child to develop a sense of their physical self in relation to others and their environment, and emotional development.

So, if your kids are upset, you think teachers shouldn't comfort them?

Children need to learn boundaries. They need to learn what is and is not appropriate.

Teachers need to be mindful of this, mindful of the optics, mindful of the bigger picture, that by making physical contact with an adult who is not their parents or relatives feel ‘off’ will help protect them in other situations. Even if they feel moved to give the kids a big hug for whatever reason, they need to show restraint.

I work in school. LOTS of safeguarding training. The “No 1” is not to never touch the children. What a load of rubbish!

We don’t touch children inappropriately but we do touch children. Sometimes for assistance, sometimes for reassurance, etc. Last week one of the children who’d been having a wobble about a spelling test and I’d reassured came to me with his 10/10 and I responded with a well done and a squeeze of the shoulder.

People like you OP are the reason we have teachers leaving in droves and so few male teachers at primary level - there seems to an assumption that any man wanting to work with children is a predator.

Are you the weird parent at my sons school who regularly spends a good 20 minutes staring at other peoples children after drop off?

OP - have you ever seen inside a special school or nursery?

I agree with the others, you have misinterpreted safeguarding training.

When I was successful in an interview for a senior teaching job the Head who was on the panel stood up, shook my hand and gave me a big hug. The following morning he called me into his office and apologised if I had found his gestures upsetting! I laughed and told him it had made all the preparation I'd done for the interview worth it. I'd hate to be still working in the toxic environments that seem to exist where all the simple pleasure has been sucked out of life.

Based on the above, the main danger posed to those children was their proximity to completely unhinged members of the public.