Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

She said male or female..you ignored that and highlighted the male ...so you don't see an issue with women touching women or men but God forbid a man touches a female.

Isn’t that what healthy families are for? True some kids never get hugs and a teachers hug might really help them but generally speaking it’s the parents and family’s job to give hugs. If teachers hugs are so important to a child then their parents are failing them somewhere.

My understanding of safeguarding is that if something makes you feel uncomfortable you report it to the dsl. It's up to the dsl of a school how to act on it. It's never our call to say "oh that's just Mr X, he just like to have a laugh/he's just affectionate". There was a previous poster here saying her child's teacher bear hugs and tickles the children. That absolutely needs reporting as inappropriate. The reason you report is that occasionally a worrying pattern of reports emerge and dots are joined up. This can't happen if the default response of everyone has been dismissive. (I'm not saying this would happen in this instance. But assuming this is never a reason to stay silent.)
To the OP I would say there's nothing wrong with having the gut feeling/response you did or feeling uncomfortable enough to report it.

It’s extremely surprising. I’m not sure why. Are teachers a protected species or something?

"misguided action" ?
So in spite of all the advice from professionals who deal with this stuff every day, you still think you know better and this teacher was wrong.
YA most definitely BU

Op, I’m afraid you have a very warped view of the world and have totally misunderstood… ………everything! Thank god most people agree that yabu.

Spot the person who'll drag their anti teacher agenda in no matter what.

This.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable.

You need to work out why such an innocuous sight made you 'very uncomfortable' and then address that why - because your utterly skewed outlook could've resulted in dreadful consequences for the teacher.

Honestly, what a horrible thread.

Christ almighty are people really this uptight?

He squeezed their shoulders, he wasn't feeling them up. Our teachers at school would have done that and I hugged kids I used to childmind for.

Yes my boss would and has squeezed my shoulder. We've grappled like 5 year olds trying to push each other out into the rain once. Its normal to touch people appropriately.

No, I wouldn't report this OP.

The teachers I liked best when I was a child were kind and fair and consistent and good at their job. I still feel warmth towards some of them, but that is nothing to do with hugs.

What I do remember also is feeling uncomfortable with teachers who had favourites - who singled out particular children for affection. Older primary school girls might sense with a male teacher that they were objects of particular notice and regard this as flattering. I was sometimes a favourite of teachers because I was a bright kid, but then would get very upset if I'd been told off unfairly - which did happen on occasion.

It is consistency that makes children feel safe and secure at school.

I think in their own home they can say what they like. Or do you think we should all have a police officer sitting on our sofas? Considering my son is an adult and his schooldays are behind him I very much doubt anyone is interested in his private conversations. But you carry on defending his creepy former teacher if it makes you feel good.

This thread has helped me see that the majority of parents don't see this as a problem, so I won't report. I still think it's inappropriate, but it wasn't my child so I'll just leave it there, in hopes it was nothing more than a misguided action.

Well that's a relief. Sounds like he did nothing wrong @Slidingdowntherainbow and your spidey senses are working overtime, and adding 2 and 2 to make 5.

Fine to be concerned or worried about potential issues, but what you described sounds like harmless fun. Don't stop being a concerned citizen, but also, reporting a man for just putting his hands on a child's shoulders, and trying to turn it into something sleazy and nasty could have caused him until harm, and wrecked his relationship, his career, and his life. Saying he gives you the ick when you don't know him sounds bad too. It's like you want to take him down but have no reason to. (AFAIK.)

As I say, we must look out for children, from predatory people (mostly men sorry!) But there's a fine balance. This male teacher sounds OK and fairly harmless.

I sure don't defend teachers at all costs. I don't see any problems with the described situation though. If there was anything untoward, there were two female teachers to witness it and report it. It sounds like the teacher just has a friendly relationship with the kids, which is a positive thing. No wonder teachers, especially males, are leaving the profession.

I would expect the school to call me and tell me if my child was upset. I would expect the teacher to know that they were crossing a boundary to hug my child and to tell their line manager and me if they did so, if they got caught up in the moment and didn’t stop themselves. I would expect the teacher to ask my permission.

I definitely would not expect this kind of thing to be normalised.

For early years the boundaries would be slightly different, but I would expect to be kept informed of what they were and why, and I definitely do not expect that this is an area for teachers to make up for themselves as they go along - deciding what is and isn’t appropriate. Nope.

My understanding of safeguarding is that if something makes you feel uncomfortable you report it to the dsl

Only if that "something" is a potential safeguarding issue. It has been explained at length on this thread why this is not the case. If a DSL had to investigate every situation that made an adult feel vaguely uncomfortable for any reason then this would leave no time to deal with actual safeguarding concerns.

Not saying all men are predatory BTW. Just most PEOPLE who are predatory are men. Hope that makes sense.

Tbf most people are clear that the op is way out of line, with only a couple of posters thinking the same as her.

the thread is ok, the op (and very limited supporters) are the ones who need to look at their biases

Children need to learn boundaries. They need to learn what is and is not appropriate.

They also need to be not affected by adult paranoia and see danger at every turn.
We wonder why kids have got such poor mental health now? Maybe it is because normal human behaviour like touching a shoulder is interpreted as something evil.

OP - get a grip. And you lost me at "ick".

So he was steering them in the direction they needed to be going? Like I do with my daughter when she is distracted and trying to talk to her friend rather than leaving the playground when it's time to go home at the end of the day?

You’re ridiculous OP and so are your responses. I work in a school and of course it’s not an issue, have some common sense. You completely disregard the input from designated safeguarding leads as if you know better. This whole thread shows you don’t!

I said touching, not hugging. And I suggest you read the research. Touch is something children need for their development, not just touching from family members.