Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

Actually OP According to the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect there are more incidents of abuse of children (including both physical abuse and neglect) perpetrated by women than by men.

Felt the need to put that in there since you seem so certain that men commit abuse more than women.

Look out for the children, however don't be so uptight! Don't live in a world where hugs and a simple touch of the shoulder is bad. The head was there, if she had an issue she would have stomped it out right there.

I’ve completed many years of safeguarding and been a DSL for many too. You are totally overreacting.

I'm surprised by the responses too. I would never touch children. I have however never worked in a primary school, so perhaps people think it's different? But for me I avoid touching pupils in any shape or form. If I worked with very young kids I imagine I might need at some point to comfort them., Actually, nope. I can't see myself even doing that. There are other ways comforting kids than by touching them.

If you have been taught that you mustn't touch children unless it is to provide necessary assistance as part of safeguarding training, the training provider needs some training themselves. Touching is part of normal human interaction. It can be used to give guidance to children and to provide emotional support as well as giving physical care or first aid.

Staff need to be aware that touching may be inappropriate for a child who has been abused or for children from certain cultures, but that isn't the same as banning it completely.

It is true that some schools go overboard due to concerns about safeguarding accusations, stopping staff from applying suncream and banning physical contact. The government and many experts advise against zero-touch policies, with experts arguing that such policies can damage children's development.

My son is an adult. He retrospectively referred to him as that and said he had a creepy reputation at school. I’m not going to tell my adult son what they can and can’t say in their own home. For gods sake don’t ever go to stand up comedy you’d need smelling salts.

Slidingdowntherainbow you write: 'Out of interest, I'm assuming you're all happy for your male bosses to squeeze your shoulders? Really?'

It is appropriate and necessary for teachers to do lots of things with pupils that I wouldn't expect from a boss- your comparison is meaningless.

Not sure that a boss putting his hand on a colleague's shoulder is uncomfortable anyway- some people value a bit of physical contact with their work team, and other people don't like it.

Let's hope your son is never at the receiving end of this joke. Remember your son is a male too and someone could find him inappropriate or creepy.

None of that justifies your son's language or your collusion.

My son is the least tactile person you could meet. I doubt that’s ever going to be an issue.

I’m with you OP. This thread is full of weird responses. Teachers know they aren’t supposed to touch kids.

I imagine the course consisted of a whiteboard with Men = Beasts written on it

He's an adult?

And he's been raised thinking that kind of language is OK?

You are unaware that kids will refer to adults they find a bit creepy as paedos?

My son is an adult. He retrospectively referred to him as that

Okay. 👍

For what it's worth, I'd call anyone out for saying something so inappropriate, adult or not.

Of course, stand up comedy is exactly the same situation, good one. 🙄

Children thrive on appropriate physical contact. In fact, we all do! This is appropriate

If you DON’T want to be thought of as creepy or called a paedo DON’T do creepy things or give off creepy vibes! It’s not rocket science!

I am not referring to the teacher in the OP but anyone in general!!

Unfortunately this is the feeling of a lot of people in this country. I’m a straight non-paedo guy with children of my own and I saw two kids (5/6yo) yesterday walk straight off a step and fall over and hurt their knees/elbows etc - my immediate reaction was to ask if they were ok or go to pick them up but I realised the position I might put myself into. Incidentally the parents (when they realised) didn’t seem to give two shits about them.

My male teacher put me on his lap and gave me a hug I was upset my grandfather had died. Should he not have done that should he have left me to cry it out in the lesson. He didn't take me out of the classroom it was in front of all the other children.

You're making yourself look worse with every post.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree with your son, evidently.

There is definitely not a no touching rule. In fact, over a decade ago, schools were advised by the government specifically to not have a no touching rule.

I wouldn't allow my child to refer to someone as a 'paedo' without a conviction.

www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/gove-to-scrap-school-no-touch-rules-2095787.html

Nice user name, by the way.

Bloody hell, Karen…

Any teacher that knows they aren't supposed to touch kids needs retraining. As per my last post, many experts regard this approach as wrong and possibly damaging to children's development. The government advises schools against no-touch policies.

Those schools adopting such policies are doing so to avoid complaints from people like the OP, not because it is the right thing to do from a safeguarding perspective. It isn't.

There is context there. If he’d just randomly put you on his knee and said you look upset (at a time you were not upset) then that would have been weird. Context is important.

You're not being unreasonable to care about safeguarding at all, it's just that in this case there isn't any concern.

for goodness sake...honestly now? 😒you would take a step into potentially ruining a teacher's career because...of his demenour?

It is very sad, isn't it but not entirely new. About 40 years ago my OH was on playground duty when a little girl fell over on the grass and was crying. He picked her up, rubbed the poorly knee and gave her a quick hug to comfort her, just as he would for our own daughters. His Headteacher who had seen this through a window said that even though he knew there was nothing wrong he shouldn't do it in future, so he was being told to leave a small child to sob.