Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

And it's kidspeak if you know what I mean. It may not sound pc (I am as pc/woke as they come and proud of it) but young people talk like this. They don't necessarily mean it. Young people are allowed their private language.

She doesn't need a DBS. She isn't inappropriately touching kids.

Mumsnet mums always say they wouldn't mind this and that being done to their child, but I know that if it came down to it they would be livid if they saw a teacher touching their child's shoulder.

Mumsnet mums always say they wouldn't mind this and that being done to their child, but I know that if it came down to it they would be livid if they saw a teacher touching their child's shoulder
If any parent has a concern about any member of staff and the interaction with their child then they can (and should) speak to school about it.

That's not the OP's situation. By her own admission she doesn't know this member of staff, doesn't know the children, she has nothing to do with the school and the head teacher was present.

Personally I wouldn't be livid with a teacher touching my DCs shoulder, but if I had any concerns or my children were uncomfortable about something I would speak to the relevant person at school.

Did you miss my post and is my daughter incapable of telling me that something inappropriate has happened to her. She doesn't mind and neither do I as long as the line isn't crossed.

Neither was the male teacher.

Just coming back briefly to thank those who have given me their views in a respectful way. I asked for your feedback, so totally expected some opposition, but some of the hatred in posts has been hard to read. I guess it's easy to type whatever to someone without thinking or caring of the impact. Some have opposed but in a more kind, balanced way, so thanks for that.

I'm also relieved that there are some people who understand the situation in the way I do - thanks for feeling able to say this when I've clearly upset a lot of people by questioning the teachers action.

I was on the fence for a reason; it's not a clear case and I was just processing my feelings about a very brief and one-off incident.

After reading most of the pages, I still feel like he shouldn't have touched these pupils in the way he did. He could have joked in many ways without doing that. And I do feel he could do with a reminder to keep his hands to himself unless people actively ask for a hug etc or if he is helping them in someway. BUT I realise it wouldn't be received well, so in this case, where it's not clear cut, I won't be reporting.

I don't need to change my view, the world would be sad if people had to change their views just to fit in with the majority, but I will accept that I don't have sufficient cause to report and that it wouldn't be helpful.

I also accept that I do have some issues around abuse, I don't need to preface a thread with this, nor do I need to explain anything to anyone. But perhaps in some situations it causes me to think the worst unnecessarily, whilst in others I think it also allows me to see the more subtle flags which I don't think is always a bad thing.

its frightening the number of posters who claim to be safeguarding leads telling the OP she’s being ridiculous. This is exactly why so many paedophiles get away with years of abusing (not saying this teacher is, just that people are very reluctant to report their concerns because they’re looking for some sort of ‘proof’.

if you’ve seen something that makes you uncomfortable, report it as a low level concern. The head might decide it’s nothing, but also in some cases, multiple low level concerns build up a very concerning picture.

https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/news/2021/october/responding-low-level-concerns-in-education

Thank you.

Mumsnet is a very disturbing place.

I am rather too reminded of how, when children used to say that they didn't like priests touching them, they were told that they were wicked fantasists.

Yes, small children are tactile beings.

But why people are so invested in arguing that teachers must be able to touch children (it must be good that they do are doing this I don't quite know.

I think it is very important that growing children should be taught that they can refuse unwanted touch, and it is really hard for them to do this when they are touched by someone in a position of authority.

Thank you.

People are suggesting I want the man sacked and this is why men don't become teachers! I'm pretty sure the situation is more complex than a potential teacher choosing a different profession because they couldn't possibly teach without rubbing pupils shoulders.

I think you need to travel more . If you think any men putting their hand on someone’s shoulders is seen as something horrendous then you either have a background of being abused ( I suspect this from what you say ) or really you never been around other cultures much . Whenever we travel to Portugal, Italy or Spain often the local cafe owner or restaurant we visit often will pick up my kids to give them a kiss or hug them as a example ( we have returned to the same one for a few years ) it’s not seen in any way as abuse or weird .
you make it sound like nobody should be touching anyone these days because you perceive it as being sexual and honestly you make me feel so uncomfortable. Your way of thinking is scary and imo exaggerated.

I think the issue is you don’t know the context. If you did then you could make an informed decision. You couldn’t hear what anyone was saying etc. I feel sad that any form of contact immediately means abuse… I want my child to be hugged when he needs to be comforted etc.

I’ve only read up to page 2 and unless there is a massive drip feed over the other 14+ pages then I conclude that OP, you are crazy.

What a really bizarre way to react to a teacher having his hand on a young child’s shoulder in a public place.

I don’t think it is fair to tar everyone with the same brush. Perhaps AIBU + child safeguarding isn’t the most flattering mix.

I don’t think it is fair to tar everyone with the same brush. Perhaps AIBU + child safeguarding isn’t the most flattering mix.

True.

Where did I say it was abuse though?

I said it was inappropriate, not everyone who's inappropriate is an abuser, in my eyes anyway.

Where's your line?

Touching a shoulder isn’t in itself abuse, but (particularly if prolonged) it can indicate poor boundaries, and without a solid justification, it is inappropriate at work, especially if there is a power/authority difference between the person doing the touching and the person being touched. Poor boundaries and inappropriate behaviour are red flags.

It is not ‘sacking territory’, but should be taken note of and support offered.

It still isn't acceptable and can't be excused as "kidspeak".

Thank you for saying so articulately what I appear to not be saying or conveying in the way I intended to.

If a teacher was chivvying the children along as they were dawdling to go out in the playground and it was a woman touching their shoulders, would you have a problem with it?

Why was my post deleted I was asking because I am deaf. I asked because I was interested I had a support teacher in the 90's who worked with me no TA's back then. A poster up thread mentioned music teachers and what they do with their students could be inappropriate. There is a blind pianist and how she was taught her teacher placed her hands on top of his hands so she could learn the flow of the piano. Sometimes you have to use touch to teach or to support.

13-year-old blind pianist leaves crowd and judges speechless in new piano show - Pianist (pianistmagazine.com)