Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

I asked my 19 year old daughter whether teachers or lecturer's have put their hand on her shoulder and her response was yes and then she laughed. I asked was it male and female she said yes and it's not bad. It all depends on how they do it and none of it was inappropriate.

Regarding @Slidingdowntherainbow ‘s intentions. The first few pages appeared to me, to be such a gob-smacking pile-on, I don’t think it would be possible to think clearly and consistently under fire like that. So picking out a phrase here and there when OP was on the back foot, trying to defend themselves, and stringing them together, I doubt could present OP’s actual position Lola.

Any hearing impaired students would have a TA. And no, I do not touch my students to see if they need help - why on earth would I?

I asked you because I am deaf and I can't always hear people a gentle nudge is what I need sometimes. My daughter was okay with her teachers putting their hand on her shoulder she saw nothing wrong with it. The teachers she had along the way were good teachers they cared about their students future. She's in University now so a touch on the shoulder to check on her now and then did her some good by her outstanding teachers.

What are you suggesting then if not abuse?
Because that's what it sounds like.

And that sounds harmless and appropriate.

If my male colleague placed his hand on my shoulder and kept it there as I walked I'd feel uncomfortable.

But a gentle nudge or tap on the shoulder to get your attention is not the same as a male teacher walking round the playing field in the middle of two girls with his hands on their shoulders for a length of time.

Look at doctors and nurses in A&E….they never touch anyone - adults or children unless there is appropriate reason to and even then, they generally ask if it’s ok before they do any procedure. Why should touching our children in school be any different?

You clearly have issues with this man despite never meeting him.

The head and another teacher were present, he wasn't trying to be secretive. You presumably couldn't hear if something was said? And are making judgements on how long was appropriate, did he then continue across the whole playing field like this?

Oh and the people saying they wouldn't want a teacher touching their child... you know your child might well initiate this contact right? Upset and reaching out for comfort or just wanting to hold on to a favoured teacher. Going to rip them apart and upset your child are you?

Exactly.

You change from Shoulder to Neck and from squeezing to seemingly squeezing which already making you look unreliable

And "30 seconds I'd say" is likely an exaggeration based on your dislike for this teacher already. 30 seconds is also reasonable if it was because he was saying something.

Think
"Alright you two, I know it's sunny but you can't go running off and trying to get out of school. Come on now"

Yes I agree.

30 seconds walking across a field is not long it's under a minute. I don't know what is inappropriate about it the head was fine and so was the girls. Context is important and the op only saw a minute of what was going on.

Why should touching our children in school be any different?

@Verbena17 You make it sound sexual when it isn't shame on you. My daughter received a lot of support from her teachers and now she is studying medicine and that requires more touching.

Some of these replies are absolutely batshit crazy.

Especially the poster who expects a call before a teacher can comfort her children (I assume they don't have kids in nursery/school yet). WTF!!!

I have two kids in primary school and my youngest especially has at times been the kid who cries at the classroom door every single morning.

If his teacher hadn't taken his hand/put her arm around his shoulder he wouldn't have entered the classroom. Should she have just let him run after me? Or maybe just stay in the playground all day?

If she had someone managed to get him into class without touching him should she hsve then stood at least 3 feet away from him while trying to calm him?

No of course not because that's insane.

Poor teachers.

So picking out a phrase here and there when OP was on the back foot, trying to defend themselves, and stringing them together, I doubt could present OP’s actual position Lola.

This IS the OP's position.

It isn't picking odd phrases when the OP was on the back foot and trying to defend themselves.

It's just when the OP's own arguments are bullet pointed out it's quite clear how unreasonable their stance is.

OP's FIRST post:

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

(So not on the back foot at all)

And a reply to another poster:

I said, and you quoted, I don't like his demeanor. But that, I mean, I don't like the attitude he gives off when he's hanging outside the classrooms in the morning. His seemingly arrogant attitude. My child doesn't go to the school, so I don't know anything about him.

(And this is their own explanation about not liking the demeanor of someone they don't know).

So they:

1. Don't know the teacher
2. Their child doesn't attend the school and also doesn't know the teacher

But as a stranger they've taken enough of a dislike to a member of staff they have nothing to do with that they've decided

• he gives them the ick
• he is a big presence
• they don't like the attitude he has outside the classroom
• he's seemingly arrogant

And now they're hunting for reasons to report him.

All for someone who they don't know and have nothing to do with.

😂my hearing impaied child doesn't have a TA! Lots of reasonable adjustments are made for him, but a TA isn't one of them.

Look at doctors and nurses in A&E….they never touch anyone - adults or children unless there is appropriate reason to and even then, they generally ask if it’s ok before they do any procedure.

Not in my experience. I have been hugged and touched on the arm in a kind, casual way by nurses and HCA's when I have been in hospital with my DS. I also definitely remember him getting the odd reassuring touch from doctors and nurses while they were explaining things to him or before/after procedures. I also remember a lovely male junior doctor squeezing my Gran's hand in A&E when she was scared and obviously fighting back tears, and while that may not have been medically necessary there was nothing inappropriate about it.

Not A&E, but I have recently visited a teenager on an inpatient Mental Health unit and thought it was lovely how the nurses were so affectionate with the kids. Some of them had been in hospital for many months, so the staff are in loco parentis and understandably become fond of them.

PP who thinks teachers should ring them and tell them their child is upset is probably the same one who felt they should have 24/7 access to the nursery on a previous thread

Any hearing impaired students would have a TA

Ha! People really have no idea what the threshold is for 1:1 TA support in schools. No, not every hearing impaired child has a TA, not by a long shot.

Absolutely. I won't say any more because I've already been deleted twice - x2 more than in 16 years of posting.

But as has already been stated numerous times on this thread, we are not talking about the appropriateness of physical contact between adult colleagues. The comparison does not make sense.

It depends I suppose on whether you regard all men as predatory by default.