Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

Honestly, what a horrible thread
To be fair most posters, including those who have experience of proper safeguarding training, are advocating common sense and have said the OP hasn't got grounds to raise safeguarding concern.

"This man I don't know teaches at a school I don't have anything to do with comes across as a bit arrogant from a distance. I don't like his demeanor on the occasions I've walked past the school, and the other day I saw him putting his hands on pupils' shoulders in full view of the head and other staff" isn't grounds for a safeguarding concern.

I had that. I had a teacher who made me feel so uncomfortable because he for god knows what reason made me his ‘favourite’. I could do no wrong and he gushed over every thing I wrote. He didn’t physically touch me but would stand so close to me it gave me the ick, it just seemed so inappropriate considering I was thirteen and he must have been late thirties at least. I started to deliberately write poorer work yet he’d still gush over it to the rest classroom much to my embarrassment. It’s hard to explain as it was long ago but I still get the ick if I think about it now, there was just something so off about it. For all I know it could have been totally innocent and he was just one of life’s more gushy people who had a small personal space, who knows, but all I know is I didn’t like it and I still don’t like it looking back.

My male gynaecologist squeezed my knee whilst in stirrups as I was crying. On paper that was probably inappropriate but People need human contact.

I hope you don't ruin this mans career, and life, over a glance in to a school yard that your child doesn't even go to.

Just grow up @Slidingdowntherainbow

You are making normal behaviour out to be inappropriate?
What a sad and unhappy vision you have.
What happens if a woman squeezes her? 🤣

Op has steadfastly refused to admit what is clear, that they would not have any issue with a female teacher doing this exact same thing.

that refusal speaks volumes

I specifically meant the OP (should probably have said OP rather than thread). I could barely believe what I was reading tbh, though ultimately it's good she posted it, hopefully it's given her serious pause for thought!

Unfortunately it hasn’t…

By the way I didn't feel it was inappropriate at all, and I felt cared for. But as I said, if someone would have walked past and saw this in a split second, it could have been taken as inappropriate.

All know never to place hands on a young child. 1) because it's inappropriate 2) because it's against safeguarding procedures 3) because it leaves them vulnerable to misinterpretation.

You haven't been paying proper attention to your training if you think this is a universal rule. If it were, your child would never be comforted if in distress in the nursery school, and no-one would attend to them if they were injured. Seriously?

Touching a child's shoulder in a public place is not a safeguarding issue.

I would expect the teacher to ask my permission

Seriously? Some schools have 2000 children to deal with. There is always someone upset about something! You honestly expect Teachers to call home every time a child is upset and ask a parent "please may I have your consent to give your crying child a reassuring pat on the shoulder?"

Parents do not own their children. If a child is distressed or anxious and wants tactile reassurance from me as a trusted adult, and I as a professional judge it to be safe and appropriate to provide that reassurance, then they can have it. I would honestly worry about any parent who is so controlling and paranoid that they would judge me for that.

Lunch times would certainly be interesting. "Hello, is that Johnny's Mum? Sorry to bother you your child is attempting to push in the lunch queue and after ignoring repeated instructions to get to the back of the line, I would now like your express permission to place a hand on their shoulder and gently steer them in the direction they need to go?" Whilst trying to supervise hundreds of children in a busy canteen.

You're wrong. There's no such rule. It would be quite bizarre for someone in a caring role to never ever touch anyone so I don't know where you've got this. The reason we are advised not to hug or touch a child is to not open ourselves up to crap like this.

Well she's not going to report the poor guy, so that's something at least!

2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

This is the issue- OP does personally not like the teacher for an unknown reason (he has a big presence and she does not? she fancies him and he does not reciprocate? who knows) and she wants to nab him.

I can’t see anything inappropriate to what he’s doing, it was seen by members of staff, the girls were laughing. This is a non-issue, why are you watching this man so much? It seems like you’ve made your mind up about him and are using anything to potentially get him in trouble, which is really not pleasant!

FWIW My children have been reassured by staff members at school on varying occasions, this has included a rub on the back and a hug.

Sorry op but I think you are over reacting. This was done in front of the Headmaster. For all you know they could be his daughters who also attend the school.

@neverbeenskiing

I would expect the teacher to ask my permission

Seriously? Some schools have 2000 children to deal with. There is always someone upset about something! You honestly expect Teachers to call home every time a child is upset and ask a parent "please may I have your consent to give your crying child a reassuring pat on the shoulder?"

That's it. Daft innit? The OP is not backing down on her views either. Only begrudgingly saying she won't report him now!

😂

My son happens to be a lovely person who wouldn’t hurt a fly and hasn’t an aggressive bone in his body. He has a right to feel one of his teachers did not behave in a way he felt a teacher should, he has a right to feel a teacher shouldn’t make kids feel uncomfortable and he has a right to refer to him any way he feels fit in his own home. My son is not some uncouth antisocial yobbo, he’s a law abiding, respectful, civilised adult who is obviously calling out something that made him uneasy and uncomfortable. But hey ho let’s defend adults who don’t respect minors personal space.

You hanging around is more concerning 🤷‍♀️.
My daughter is autistic and was very upset at school the other day and shock horror (male teacher I've never seen before) gave her a hug and reassured her everything was okay 👍🏻.
Teachers are humans too and want to comfort or praise pupils without having to deal with bull tish like this 🤷‍♀️

We were told "gut feeling/feeling uncomfortable" is enough to report something. It was after a case where a teacher was found to be abusing young pupils and it emerged afterwards that many colleagues had been "uncomfortable" about behaviours which never quite met their thresholds to report.

You don't need to go in all guns blazing to make a report. You can say "This might seem a small thing, but I felt uncomfortable with the prolonged touching of the girls' shoulders, maybe because they were giggling about it, and i felt I needed to report it to you." Statistically, it's probably nothing, but touching pupils in a way that makes them giggle, like tickling IS a potential safeguarding issue. The dsl makes the decision about what happens next. A good dsl should never make you feel your report is a burden or an irritation.

👆👆👆👆👆This.