New partner (age 60) following gym models (age 20ish)

[susie25]

I really need some perspective on this.

I've just started dating a man (aged 60), I am almost 50. Its only been a couple of months but so far, things are going well. He is extremely kind, caring, intelligent and supportive and I find him very attractive. I think this has the potential to go the distance.

However, there is one issue I'm not comfortable with and I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable about this or not. Wanted to seek opinions before I broach it with him.

He follows several gym model types on instagram. These women are all of a very similar type- long blonde hair, very toned/muscular, all in their 20s, and their pics are classic gym pics, often in very skimpy work out clothes, often bikinis, and short, tight, revealing dresses. As far as I can tell, he is not interacting with these women, just following them and liking their photos. I know he is very into fitness and the gym but he doesnt follow any other gym type accounts (eg gym tips, workout advice or male body builder accounts). I have an instagram account but I havent posted anything yet as I'm not a massive fan of SM and just cant be arsed with it so no idea if this is typical or not.

Part of me feels like this is a bit gross- he's 60 following women in their 20s and it really puts me off. On the other hand, he clearly likes that aesthetic and is very much into the gym and that culture. But then I keep thinking why is he only following young women doing this?

AIBU?- please be brutally honest, I can take it and am willing to accept that I may be wrong or equally that this is just a bit weird/inappropriate. Thanks.

Well he clearly fancies them and is having a perv isn’t he? Depends if you can accept that or not. He isn’t following Brian with a six pack going to the gym for inspiration is he?

If he is/was a gym bro and is into weight lifting or body building, it’s totally normal to look at sculpted bodies.

It wouldn't be a massive red flag for me, we all like to look at nice things.

There's something rather gross about a 60 year old perving over 20 year old bodies - in my opinion of course.

Some people won't have a problem with it. It would be a no from me!

As @Xrays said, if he was following a range of gym people, fine, but he isn’t, so he’s a bit of a perv isn’t he.

This is what I cant decide on. Is it pervy or is it normal to find that attractive and no big deal. But then I keep thinking about the fact they are in their 20s and if he's so into the gym why isnt he following other gym accounts? urgh.

He isn’t following Brian with a six pack going to the gym for inspiration is he?

This is exactly what bothers me but I worry I am overreacting

He probably likes looking at girls at the gym and this is an extension of that.

I would probably be a bit tongue in cheek about it but bring it to his attention that you knew. I don't think I would care about him looking but more so about the potential of people I knew seeing that he was 'liking' these photos. That feels a bit disrespectful.

Most “influencers” who rely on looks are in their 20s and early 30s though.
Even if he wanted to look at 40+ gym bunnies, there aren’t many.

I’m not saying he’s not a perv, because I don’t know him. But having been part of that culture, I can say there is huge appreciation for bodies at their peak of physical strength and beauty (which let’s face it, is people in their 20s).
With that in mind, if there are no other red flags, I would be bothered.

I would however be bothered if he followed vacuous Dubai shots of Love Island types.

You are not overreacting , he's doing it for the perve factor . Chuck him back into his cesspit.

Well if he was into the gym he'd be following anyone who inspired him. Turns out the only people he likes are blond lithe women young enough to be his granddaughter.

I follow men and women. Mix of people who show how to use weights and people who show recipe. I don't care what they look like as long as they don't bloody annoy me.

He's not chosen these women for fitness tips. He's chosen them to have a perv.

I find it grim. And in my experience the kind of old man who enjoys perving over women young enough to be a grandchild have differing opinions on what's acceptable to me. So I avoid.

That's just not true though. Being of a certain age and apparently every app knowing this I get offered a range of Women in their 40s and 50s showing how to get the sculpted look despite the bloody menopause. There are plenty out there

And actually it makes even less sense for a bloke to be following women. Whilst we could all follow the same workouts surely he'll get more tailored ideas from say... a man?

Raise your standards op

This man is a perv 🤮

How is this any different from women following male celebrities that they fancy?

Is it just because they're not famous that it's a problem?

If the OP was following 20 year old male gym bunnies would that be “perving”?

What's your thoughts on your partner watching porn? Cus' if you're happy with him doing that when you're not around, then I can't see an issue with the Instagram thing, as long as he isn't actively engaging in conversation and/or trying to meet with anyone.

But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks Susie. You're the one that's with him, and you're the one having a relationship with him. Everyone has their own opinion on things like this, and with porn. Some partners are perfectly happy with their partner doing it, others aren't. If you're accepting to it, and just see it as a natural thing for a person to do, then great. If you're not able to accept it and are having a hard time with his actions, then also great, tell him how you feel. He will most likely just delete his account.

That would give me the ick.

I wouldn’t be keen on that myself.

I wouldn't be a massive fan of it, but it's not a big deal as far as I'm concerned. He's looking at nice looking women... I'm a woman and those types of posts are eye catching of you see someone with a really good physique said by someone who doesn't have one

It's ok to feel unhappy or insecure about this. I don't see why it's being framed strictly as an issue of perversion or inappropriateness though. You'd probably not be too happy if his following list was full of very fit 40 year old women.

But if it makes you uncomfortable or worried then tel him. If he's half decent, he'll put your feelings above the desire to look at random women

Yes

It would give me the ick a bit but equally I bet there are plenty of older women who follow Harry Styles and similar...

You only have to open one of the MN threads about male celebrities to find plenty of older women saying "I would..." over much younger men.

While I wouldn't love it, I don't think I'd find it a red flag on its own.

It would make me check for other red flags to see if there was a pattern...

• Does he interact with any of them / like their pictures?

• Does he check out younger women (in fact, any women) when you're together?

• Does he make any little snide remarks about your looks / body / comparisons to other women?

If nothing like this then it would be something I'd be willing to let go for now and then have a convo in the future with him. Male privilege almost definitely ensures he doesn't realise he looks like a old perv.

I think this summarises it all nicely. Another vote for perv from me.

To be clear I don't like seeing the MN posts either as it's still pervy.

I think finding younger (adult) people physically attractive is natural but find it weird and shallow that all the other qualities of younger people don't put them off.

(And I'm only 40!)

That being said, it takes all types for the world to go around and I'm sure they would say that I'm too highly strung, need to unclench, that they're just admiring the physical form and wouldn't be interested in a relationship even if on offer, etc, etc.

All of which are probably varying degrees of true!