New partner (age 60) following gym models (age 20ish)

[susie25]

I really need some perspective on this.

I've just started dating a man (aged 60), I am almost 50. Its only been a couple of months but so far, things are going well. He is extremely kind, caring, intelligent and supportive and I find him very attractive. I think this has the potential to go the distance.

However, there is one issue I'm not comfortable with and I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable about this or not. Wanted to seek opinions before I broach it with him.

He follows several gym model types on instagram. These women are all of a very similar type- long blonde hair, very toned/muscular, all in their 20s, and their pics are classic gym pics, often in very skimpy work out clothes, often bikinis, and short, tight, revealing dresses. As far as I can tell, he is not interacting with these women, just following them and liking their photos. I know he is very into fitness and the gym but he doesnt follow any other gym type accounts (eg gym tips, workout advice or male body builder accounts). I have an instagram account but I havent posted anything yet as I'm not a massive fan of SM and just cant be arsed with it so no idea if this is typical or not.

Part of me feels like this is a bit gross- he's 60 following women in their 20s and it really puts me off. On the other hand, he clearly likes that aesthetic and is very much into the gym and that culture. But then I keep thinking why is he only following young women doing this?

AIBU?- please be brutally honest, I can take it and am willing to accept that I may be wrong or equally that this is just a bit weird/inappropriate. Thanks.

Yep - this. It’s the objectifying young women. That’s the kind of man he is - ogling young women. Most 60 year old men I know are into rugby or golf or gardening. They might find young women attractive but they have a wider worldview. When men are ritually idolising women young enough to be their daughters there is something lacking in their character. Ugh.

I also disagree. I’m also clearly an dirty old perv too as I follow this bloke 😂

Do you mean it’s too big an age gap for you do you generally think people shouldn’t date people ten years older than them? I was 28 when I met DH and he was 39. We’ve been happily married for 33 years.

I'd run a mile - perving over women he's old enough to be their grandad. I'd also be wary of the age gap between the two of you.

Why?

Of course it would give you the ick, a man in um his 60s lusting after women in their 20s. Because it's not the gum aesthetic he's looking at, it's the lust factor.

It's interesting because I saw an older movie with a cute actor in it. I googled him and saw he is now my age and some photos of him. Cute turned to ooh er.... verrrryyyy nice. Because he was MY age!

Why would you be wary of the age gap that is?

It would make me feel 🤢

But other people would be fine with it.

I read your title and your Op and I immediately got the ick.
As others said if he was into fitness bodies he would be looking at a range of ages.
He is a nasty old perv in my opinion,

Spot on^

Sorry, I didnt mean our age gap. I meant the age gap between his age and the instagram models he is following. They are all very young- like 20ish. Is that a red flag?

@KimberleyClark I'm getting confused- are you asking me about the age gap? or referring to flowerywowery?

I have no problem with our age gap, it just over 10 years which doesnt seem excessive to me

This for me. Shows lack of judgement and old fashioned attitude that women are just objects

Yes, I am not comfortable with this aspect either.

No I wasn’t asking you about the age gap between you, I have no problem with it.

It’s his private thing which is fine. He puts you and them in 2 separate boxes.
i would pack it in tho.

You are so the boyfriend.

MN thinks you should only date/marry someone who was born at the exact same moment you were, anything else is perverted.

Instant ick for me I'm afraid the old perv. As you said if he followed gym goers of both sexes and different ages then that would be fine. I shudder to think of him at the gym eyeing up the young girls trying to get their workout done

He can do what he wants and follow who he wants.

But this would make him so sad and unattractive in my eyes that it would be over.

Another gross creep. Sorry OP.

You are seriously deluded if you think that being religious exempts you from being a creep perv…

’Men are just men’ 🤮

I understand that age gap relationship can work. But i think that a 60 year old guy with a woman in her 40s plus him leching after 20 year old women adds up to something i definitely wouldn't want to be involved in.

Yeah, it's grim imo. I would say exactly the same if it was a 60 year old woman liking photos of 20 year old topless men. I'm 33 and I wouldn't entertain the idea of a 20 year old, it's just icky.

What’s your ‘gut feeling’ about this issue OP?

It must feel so disappointing when someone ticks so many other boxes for you.

Given the sheer number of religious men who have been outed as paedophiles, I'd be even MORE concerned!