New partner (age 60) following gym models (age 20ish)

[susie25]

I really need some perspective on this.

I've just started dating a man (aged 60), I am almost 50. Its only been a couple of months but so far, things are going well. He is extremely kind, caring, intelligent and supportive and I find him very attractive. I think this has the potential to go the distance.

However, there is one issue I'm not comfortable with and I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable about this or not. Wanted to seek opinions before I broach it with him.

He follows several gym model types on instagram. These women are all of a very similar type- long blonde hair, very toned/muscular, all in their 20s, and their pics are classic gym pics, often in very skimpy work out clothes, often bikinis, and short, tight, revealing dresses. As far as I can tell, he is not interacting with these women, just following them and liking their photos. I know he is very into fitness and the gym but he doesnt follow any other gym type accounts (eg gym tips, workout advice or male body builder accounts). I have an instagram account but I havent posted anything yet as I'm not a massive fan of SM and just cant be arsed with it so no idea if this is typical or not.

Part of me feels like this is a bit gross- he's 60 following women in their 20s and it really puts me off. On the other hand, he clearly likes that aesthetic and is very much into the gym and that culture. But then I keep thinking why is he only following young women doing this?

AIBU?- please be brutally honest, I can take it and am willing to accept that I may be wrong or equally that this is just a bit weird/inappropriate. Thanks.

No. It's about how you conduct yourself though. Obviously men will be attracted to younger women. But you can not be creepy about it. Following and liking lots of young women's photos is creepy.

If you're liking topless photos of him, yeah. It's weird. You're old enough to be his mum.

I follow Harry Styles, am I a 54 year old female pervert?
If you're liking topless photos of him, yeah. It's weird. You're old enough to be his mum
Whats the creepy criteria, would I still be creepy if I was 44 or 34?

If you're old enough to be somebody's parent it transitions into creepy. I'm 33 so only a couple of years older than him but in my mind he's still the kid from the x factor!

My DH is 20 years younger than the guy in question, he's a fitness freak but he follows/Youtubes a number of males, not 20 something old females. Maybe my DH is gay tho..
I wouldn't like that, OP

Op it is really not what we think it is about what you think.
If you are ok with this then that is fine. However, the fact that you have created a MN thread suggests that you are uncomfortable with his behaviour.

Fedupofdiets · Today 10:14
BeverlyHa · Today 10:11

A lot if insecure women here, the main poster. Listen to your heart and get to know the man properly. I am sure many jealous old women here will want to see you single and miserable than having a gorgeous supportive and caring man. Good luck !!!
Best laugh I have had so far this year. Thanks @BeverlyHa for your insightful posts, love em!

:) - we go girl

Everyone is going to have different boundaries in a relationship so some people are going to think you’re over reacting and some people are going to agree that it’s disrespectful.

It really depends on if you’re uncomfortable about it and I’m assuming you are uncomfortable by your post!

As a 20 something year old female I will be honest, personally I’d find it creepy if a 60 year old man liked my photos if they were of me in a bikini, at the gym in tight fitted clothes etc.

My DH is 35 and doesn’t have Instagram but if he did and he was liking girls who were late teens to early 20’s skimpy photos I would be uncomfortable. My advice would probably be to talk to him about it, say you’ve noticed he’s liked these young girls photos and you find it a bit off putting and uncomfortable. See what happens from there

If he is into the gym and following a range of people related to that for tips/recipes/motivation etc and that included a couple of young beautiful 20 something women I wouldn't see it as an issue. However, as he is ONLY following young beautiful 20 something women its pretty icky.
And he is actively liking their pictures too. Having thought about it, I could not be with someone who did this. Not because I am insecure (and i'm not a young beautiful 20 year old!) but because if thats what he is into, we are clearly so far from compatible.

The thought of myself following young sexy half naked fit 20 year old blokes just makes me feel ill. I'm old enough to be their mother. Just gross.

I found myself in a similar situation with a man I was in a brief relationship with last year, who also happened to be in his early 60’s who went to the gym regularly, was charm personified and followed lots of models such as those on Instagram. I also caught him almost salivating over pictures of his son’s fiancé in a bikini (she was 23 btw) his son had uploaded whilst they were on holiday.
It made me extremely uncomfortable and we didn’t last much longer after that as I saw him for the creepy, pervy old bastard he actually was.

This is what I'm concerned about- is it an indicator of behaviour to come? Currently he's very respectful of women, and appears to be a decent man but I do wonder if this is the tip of an iceberg as it were.

As a 20 something year old female I will be honest, personally I’d find it creepy if a 60 year old man liked my photos if they were of me in a bikini, at the gym in tight fitted clothes etc.

Thanks for this feedback, I was wondering how it might make the women themselves feel but I guess they have so many followers its impossible to keep track of them all but yes, I agree. If I was in my 20s I honestly think it would creep me out a bit too

Older people dating younger people (specially men dating younger women) is always creepy.
Older people should know better and let young people hang out with people of their own age.
Plus men who go after younger women pretty much always are very sexist/misogynystic, younger women of course never see it this way, because they are ”so mature” 😁🤣.

There were a number of red flags prior to this that I didn’t heed.
Additionally, when we were out for dinner one day, he couldn’t help but gawp at a very attractive young woman who walked in while I was sat next to him. Of course he denied it and made me out to be imagining things…
You can see where this one is going can’t you?
To cut a long story very short, the charming mask slipped and he revealed himself to have abusive, gaslighting, dare I say it, narcissistic tendencies with a very dim view of women.
I think your gut is telling you something if you’ve posted on here asking for advice. Follow it x

That’s revolting!
What a sad, creepy and gross sorry excuse of a man.
Glad to hear dumped him!

A ten year age gap like the OP has is nothing. It’s not like he’s old enough to be her father.

Dribble? What do you mean?

Here is my experience. Met DH online 6 years ago, he had been on numerous dates and he was my first post divorce. He had an IG profile and I learnt that he was also following younger women (those scantily clad bikini type ones) when he accidentally sent me a message he meant to send one of them, he was telling them how hot they were. Now I should have split with him then but I didnt, he deleted his iG account and promised me nothing like this would happen again. For me it not only crossed a boundary but was also very icky but hey I loved him and all that. We got married and a year later I happened to be on his laptop and found a link to a dating website. There was his smiling face on his profile, a photo I took on our holidays stating he was single and looking for women. I again took him back but is has eroded my trust and made me act like a crazy woman and so we have now split.

Maybe your man won't end up like mine but if he feels the need to look at these women then what does it really say about him? Don't be fooled by the sports nonsense he isnt following young men of the same ilk, I wonder why? It is a massive turn off frankly and whilst he may be charming etc you will never feel good enough compared to these women. Get rid now whilst you are not too invested.

Oh and we also have a ten year age gap and his DD are in their 20s with one DD regularly posting shots of her arse in a bikini thong. Made me feel icky to think he was following and interacting with women his DD age. I was a fool and in hindsight should have ended it much sooner because it has caused me a lot of damage in the long run.

@Allicando I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I've had such awful experiences of OLD that I think when I finally met someone who seemed respectful, engaging and actually attractive! it felt like it was meant to be. But its this one bloody thing that keeps nagging at me. PP are right, deep down I am not comfortable with it and this thread has crystalised that for me.

I am going to have a conversation with him about it and see what his response is.

@BeverlyHa

A lot if insecure women here, the main poster. Listen to your heart and get to know the man properly. I am sure many jealous old women here will want to see you single and miserable than having a gorgeous supportive and caring man. Good luck !!!

It's not always insecurity driving a woman's dislike of a man's behaviour you know.

It wouldn't be be insecurity that put me off a 60 year old man following a bunch of 20 something year old fitness models, it would be that I find a man of that age doing that cringe and embarrassing 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why do you assume women want other women to be single a miserable rather than with a lovely, fun, kind, gorgeous bloke? What an odd way to think.

It's reasonable to think that a bloke following women 30/40 years his junior in fitness gear is cringe and be really put off by it.

@BeverlyHa

I have a christian man who is minister also and is following women like these on instragram.

Yes, he sounds devout 🙄 how embarrassing if the people he ministers to see who he follows! I'm an atheist so have no skin in the game but he sounds ever so hypocritical.

From what I understand is , men are just men and do like pretty women and yes, some of these models are young.

Men are not a homogenous, identikit group. There are very good men, very bad men and a huge grey area in between populated by most men.

Please, do not take something like that personally.

Women can find something a turn off without taking it 'personally'. I wouldn't date a smoker. I wouldn't date a right winger.

I wouldn't date a man who follows fitness models 30 years his junior, because it makes me cringe and makes me think he looks desperate and lacks self awareness.

Particularly if it's on a public account. I would just think he was an eejit then. And I'm not attracted to eejits.

I know a Minister like that @BeverlyHa, saving Africa and all. I wouldn't ask him to babysit my kids nor would they be attending any church events that he was running.

@YouAreNotBatman Really? Im 50 and have always dated older. It was men my own age who was the problem IMO When i was 18 i saw a big stash of porn mags in my then boyfriends room He was only early 20s so very near my age. Its not the older ones who have the expectation that women should shave their pubic hair or see female pubic hair as dirty. Its the younger men who expect this Hell mine does not even care if i shave my legs or not. IMO the men my own age and younger are the ones with higher sexist expectations of women.

@susie25 that is creepy. If it was me i would telling him that im not the fucking consolation prize

MN is the most unreliable place to get advice like this where everyone is a dirty perve. I'm sure he's not and it's innocent, just have a grown up chat with him. If he's single there's nothing wrong with him following attractive women on Instagram, better it's open rather then him actually watching porn constantly behind closed doors (which probably many of their 'DH's' do!). Yes it is a but ick, but don't throw away the relationship based on this. Reverse the situation, what if you were innocently following some young attractive models or something, would you consider yourself a dirty perve? Remember this is the real world not crazy MN world where people don't even open their front doors!