New partner (age 60) following gym models (age 20ish)

[susie25]

I really need some perspective on this.

I've just started dating a man (aged 60), I am almost 50. Its only been a couple of months but so far, things are going well. He is extremely kind, caring, intelligent and supportive and I find him very attractive. I think this has the potential to go the distance.

However, there is one issue I'm not comfortable with and I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable about this or not. Wanted to seek opinions before I broach it with him.

He follows several gym model types on instagram. These women are all of a very similar type- long blonde hair, very toned/muscular, all in their 20s, and their pics are classic gym pics, often in very skimpy work out clothes, often bikinis, and short, tight, revealing dresses. As far as I can tell, he is not interacting with these women, just following them and liking their photos. I know he is very into fitness and the gym but he doesnt follow any other gym type accounts (eg gym tips, workout advice or male body builder accounts). I have an instagram account but I havent posted anything yet as I'm not a massive fan of SM and just cant be arsed with it so no idea if this is typical or not.

Part of me feels like this is a bit gross- he's 60 following women in their 20s and it really puts me off. On the other hand, he clearly likes that aesthetic and is very much into the gym and that culture. But then I keep thinking why is he only following young women doing this?

AIBU?- please be brutally honest, I can take it and am willing to accept that I may be wrong or equally that this is just a bit weird/inappropriate. Thanks.

He follows them because he thinks they’re sexy. There’s nothing further, it’s not because he’s into fitness.

ultimately you’ve dated him for a short time, he might stop this behaviour when he’s in a relationship. It could be a single man thing. But it’s whether this gives you the ick?

Whilst I find 60 year olds dating 20-29 year olds gross, people in their 20s are likely to be the most attractive they ever will be, so I understand why older people are attracted to them enough to follow on social media. It’s not a niche fetish or anything. It’s just the blatant public leering which is gross. Personally I wouldn’t want my partner to do anything on social media that would embarrass me.

YY @GalileoHumpkins Going by MN standards my parents are in an age gap relationship. There are three months between them.

I think there is a lot of fantasy involved in social media and many people hide behind their avatars to be something they are not in real life. Many older people don’t feel that old (I’m in my 50s but in my mind I’m still 22) and SM has opened up a whole. new world for people to “play” in, if they are so-minded. He clearly likes looking at sexy nubile female bodies and showing his liking for their photos on IG.

Maybe he doesn’t realise you can even see his following list or that you’re looking at the photos to check who has liked them. He may feel spied upon but if it is something that bothers you, you may want to ask him about it. I’m not sure what he could say though that isn’t already obvious. Personally i’d say it is quite sleazy - he might just think it’s nothing or a harmless bit of fun. It really depends on what you think.

This, he might not realise. I remember about 10 years ago on fb my friends husband (my fb friend) was liking all these pictures of young women in lingerie, I rapidly defriended him, but I actually think he had no idea! I think there is a balance between what is normal and acceptable (men finding women attractive) and what crosses the line. For all you know he might be mortified. Mostly though if any man was honest they would tell you they would look. It's sad, but it's true and the women who say their husbands don't are delusional

If you are not comfortable with it then ... you are not comfortable and it doesn't matter what mumsnetters think. You might not be comfortable with the fact that someone you date votes differently to you, attends church if you don't, loves pets and you don't etc etc. It's all to do with compatibility... in your 40s you should have confidence in your own beliefs not be like some love sick teenager.

What's the point of talking to him, he may well say 'oh sorry, I can see it bothers you so I won't do it anymore' ... and then just carry on in secret.

I am older that your boyfriend and I think it sounds seriously off behaviour.

Yes, you're right- its very much fantasy.

His insta is public and so its open to everyone to see whom he follows so I'd be surprised if he didnt know. Also, when you follow someone on instagram it sometimes comes up in your feed the posts that they have liked as suggestions for you to follow so its very much out there for all to see. He also follows some very serious and reflective instagram accounts which I think is why it seemed so incongruous to see that in the mix. Its interesting to hear everyone's views- thanks

What's the point of talking to him, he may well say 'oh sorry, I can see it bothers you so I won't do it anymore' ... and then just carry on in secret.
I am older that your boyfriend and I think it sounds seriously off behaviour

This is true, but I'm interested to see what his reaction is, I think that tells a lot about a person.

Yeh, he enjoys looking at them. That would have me lose respect. But also, that’s kinda just men for you. That’s men. 🙄

It’s just the blatant public leering which is gross

I agree. Of course 20 year olds are at their peak of attractiveness and I get that people like looking at beautiful, sculpted bodies. I just wish he was looking at a range of them, not just blonde 20 year olds. As others have said, if it was just fitness he was into, he'd be following more than just young blonde women!

Its creepy, pervy behaviour. Sick bastard. I’d be getting rid.

Reverse the situation, what if you were innocently following some young attractive models or something, would you consider yourself a dirty perve?

See, this is the thing- I do find many male celebrities incredibly hot (Jason Momoa for example 😏) and I definitely like him for his body/looks and not his intellectual mind lol but the ones I like are very much age appropriate. I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel looking at buff men in their 20s and it just makes me feel the ick.

This, he might not realise. I remember about 10 years ago on fb my friends husband (my fb friend) was liking all these pictures of young women in lingerie, I rapidly defriended him, but I actually think he had no idea! I think there is a balance between what is normal and acceptable (men finding women attractive) and what crosses the line. For all you know he might be mortified. Mostly though if any man was honest they would tell you they would look. It's sad, but it's true and the women who say their husbands don't are delusional

If OP couldn’t see he was doing it, he’d still be a pervy creep. Who cares if he’d be mortified, he’d only be mortified she knew the real him.

Men seeking out random women online to stare at, probably wank over🤮, and then like their photos, is very, very different to quickly glancing at someone you find attractive in real life or finding a famous person attractive.

I have no doubt my partner glances at/notices attractive women, why wouldn’t he. He’s human, we find people attractive. I know which famous women he finds attractive etc, but he does not spend time online ‘liking’ photos of women. He classes those that do as sad, pervy creeps.

It's creepy AF. Bin him 🤮

JFC 🤮

I totally hear you. I guess I just think most men do this anyway (I'm sure most men occasionally would have a wank over some pictures). It grosses me out too, but I'm sure it happens. I'm not on Instagram, but I'm also assuming some pictures just come up. Anyway, if he's great in every other aspect, I'd not bin him just yet. Just have a conversation 🤷‍♀️

At last! Someone with what I would consider to be a 'normal' reaction.

Nah, instant ick and feeling less than for the rest of your life. Raise your standards ladies.

He's trying to kid himself that he's still got it, that he's still youthful and virile enough to 'pull' a very fit and attractive 20 year old.
He's been able to pull you @susie25 , a woman 15 years his junior and thats boosted his ego and given him the confidence to think that he can go even further and pull a woman who is young enough to be his granddaughter.
You are the first rung on the ladder enabling him to think of himself as a super stud.
You're grossed out imagining fancying men in their twenties, 20 years younger than you and he's looking at women 40 years younger than him.

This. It's totally normal, but if you feel uneasy about that won't change. If he stops doing it, it won't mean that he no longer finds 20 year old physically attractive. Let's face it they are. Million of men of all ages on IG may not follow sexy 20 year olds, but that doesn't mean they don't still think they are hot.

"he clearly likes that aesthetic" - yes, I bet he does, the pervy old goat. I couldn't get past this - just gives me the ick.

@quiettimes @Fallingthroughclouds Either you are men or you are women who have extremely low standards.

@CuriouslyDifferent surely only a man would compare living breathing women to factory produced cars... 😳 Ick.but of course women are just on a slow moving factory production line ready for men to ogle. We don't worry about their personalities. At least vintage cars are able to still be admired and gain respect!