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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

1000 replies

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:07

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

OP posts:
Namechangeforthis19 · 30/05/2023 04:17

bussteward · 30/05/2023 04:13

I love all the “but the meal cost money!” posts. It costs the same amount whether DD stayed to eat it or whether she left, it’s irrelevant.

Your MIL sounds like a loon, OP.

Our caterers were actually good at breaking down costs for different parts of the day eg canapés for adults only, evening guest additional numbers for evening buffet… If we had told them we needed one less whole meal, I think they might have accommodated - but not if we said we just wanted one starter. Costs were based per three courses for the wedding breakfast.

2kids2catsnolife · 30/05/2023 04:29

Had she pre booked a tax for a certain time or something? If not then I think she should have stayed for main course at least.

2kids2catsnolife · 30/05/2023 04:30

Taxi!

Zanatdy · 30/05/2023 04:42

Everyone was rude! Your DD was rude to leave in the middle of the meal. Are you saying it was another hour until the main would be served? It wouldn’t have hurt to wait a while.

Toddlerteaplease · 30/05/2023 04:46

If have stayed till 10. And i have to be up for work at 5.45am. For a 12 hour shift. As a one off it's fine!

Rainallnight · 30/05/2023 04:46

SamW98 · 29/05/2023 23:19

I agree. I can’t just get home and go to bed. I need to couple of hours to get myself organised and wind down if I’ve been out, whatever time.

So no I don’t think she did anything wrong leaving at her planned time - it’s not her fault things were running late

Show quote history

Part of rubbing along with other humans is occasionally putting yourself out and living with a bit of discomfort for their sake. It was a wedding, not a night down the pub. Presumably they’d gone to significant expense and a niece (or whoever) left a place and a meal that a friend could have had.

It was very rude to leave part way through the meal in order to get home so early.

Sure MIL maybe shouldn’t have chased her, but I can imagine a scenario where a mildly pissed gran remonstrates with her granddaughter for leaving a big family event unnecessarily early (I’m guessing at the gran thing).

rwalker · 30/05/2023 05:14

DD was rude they paid for a meal and she wasted it
going home at 8.30 to be up at work for 6.30 seems unnecessary and I would think it was an excuse

Landlubber2019 · 30/05/2023 05:37

I think your family was completely unreasonable, your daughter left a meal around 6.30 to get home for work, your husband also left the table at the same time. Was this one meal or two meals wasted? Could your daughter not have left quietly and alone after eating the main course?

I feel sorry for your mil who is no doubt embarrassed by your daughter and husband's actions and I am surprised you too are not embarrassed!!!

Itsallok · 30/05/2023 05:41

Your MIL was OTT but your DD was rude. Unless there is some backstory if she is so feeble at a young age to need to be home that early for 630am she should have declined. Its seems to me that you haven't even considered whether she was rude. Crap parenting OP

ActDottie · 30/05/2023 05:45

She got home very early to wake up at my 6/6:30. If the bride and groom were happy that’s fine, but they could’ve not been as that would’ve been a whole meal they’d paid for but not eaten.

Clementinesucks · 30/05/2023 05:47

Your DD is either ridiculously precious or a liar as she had plans. So rude to leave before the meal.

Your MIL made a scene when she didn’t need to.

Embarrassing all round really.

mumofboys8787 · 30/05/2023 05:52

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:19

Yes I do get that it did perhaps come across as rude however it’s more the way everyone made it into a big issue with MIL chasing her asking why she was leaving so early when she knew she had work early next day

Probably because she left unnecessarily early?! It's one thing leaving early because you have to be up for work the next day (although up at 6:30am isn't really "early" IMO it's a normal wake up for most people I know who work) but leaving a family wedding hours earlier than she needed to is a different thing entirely. She could easily have stayed for the meal, then left, and still been home in time for a full nights sleep.

TrianglePlayer · 30/05/2023 05:52

I haven’t read all the replies but agree with a lot of people that I totally understand wanting to get home in time for bed and I am often in bed by 9pm BUT it’s a wedding and she wasn’t heading home at midnight she obviously left by 7pm! For a one-off occasion I’d definitely not leave in the middle of the meal and also I assume she’s younger than me and not stuck in the “peri menopausal waking in the middle of the night unable to sleep” phase. Also no mention of kids or anything else that might obstruct her sleep so really an 11pm bedtime would seem totally acceptable for a 6am wake up 🫤. So all in all I think she was a bit rude to leave before the main course.

PrimalOwl10 · 30/05/2023 06:01

She was extremely rude leaving half way through a wedding meal. I suspect the bride and groom were annoyed but were polite. Good for mil for calling put poor behaviour, as parents you didn't. She's a young woman she doesn't need to be at home by 8.30 for a 6.30 start. I suspect people with be discussing your dd rude behaviour.

Onceuponatime56 · 30/05/2023 06:04

I’m not sure why you keep saying she had to get up at 6.30 like it’s insanely early. Most people have to get up early for work, often before 6.30. I think DD was rude and could have easily stayed until 8.30 completing the meal. If she never intended to then she should have attended the ceremony only.
I’ve got two events next week which will mean I won’t be in bed until midnight and I get up at 5.30. I’m not looking forward to the lack of sleep but I’m putting up with it as a one off as they are important family events (and I have a health condition which means I need a lot of sleep).

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 30/05/2023 06:05

That's very early to leave and quite rude tbh, to not even finish eating. 6:30 is not early to get up for work, that's a normal time.

Bubbylana · 30/05/2023 06:08

I think people go a bit crazy at weddings. At least your DD went and the bride and groom didnt mind when she left. Of course this will be talked about for ever but surly your DD didnt make or break the wedding.

Coralsunset · 30/05/2023 06:17

I suspect this would have gone unnoticed if DH hadn’t had to “walk DD to the car park” at 8pm when it’s still light. Where was this wedding!!!

If she had to leave early, and had cleared with B and G who were fine with it, it does sound like MIL was interfering.

mumto2teenagers · 30/05/2023 06:18

Both your in-laws and DD were being unreasonable, the bride and groom had paid money for her meal, I understand her wanting to leave early due to work the next day but she could have stayed until after the meal. As long as she got to bed by midnight she would still have over 6 hours sleep.

FeloniusGru · 30/05/2023 06:22

I thought you were going to say she needed to be up at 5 and left at 9 before the end of the reception, or that she had a 3 hour drive home. In which case I would have agreed with you. But leaving part way though the wedding breakfast to be up at 6:30 the next day? It’s not even an early start, a perfectly normal time to get up for work! I’m up around 5am most days, rarely in bed before 11 and usually up a couple of times in the night (young children) and still manage a full day at work every day.

I imagine there were others at the wedding who were going to work the next day who managed to stay up a bit later than usual. Unless she is a lorry driver or surgeon or other profession which requires a certain amount of sleep?

In this instance I think she was BU - you should have encouraged her to stay in these circumstances.

BadLad · 30/05/2023 06:25

It was probably the most entertaining part of the wedding for many of the guests.

realityhack · 30/05/2023 06:25

Your daughter was rude. Its ridiculous to leave mid way through a wedding meal just because she has to get up at 6.30am. Thats a fairly standard time to get up for work, I do it every day. Most people dont need to go bed at 8pm for that FGS. She should have stayed until after the meal and why did your husband have to walk her to the car park?

Your MIL was also rude.

Dont any of you have any manners?

realityhack · 30/05/2023 06:27

Your DD is either ridiculously precious or a liar as she had plans. So rude to leave before the meal

Also this. I wonder if she made other plans and didnt want to admit it.

Aslanplustwo · 30/05/2023 06:30

AnonyMenOhPee · 30/05/2023 03:40

If you can’t be considerate of the bride and groom on their wedding day when they shelled out for your dinner - don’t accept the invite.

Show quote history

Exactly this! It's actually quite simple.

Sissynova · 30/05/2023 06:31

Leaving during right after the starter is pretty rude when there’s no real reason. 8pm is not late to get home on a work night and most people have been up early on the morning of a wedding! She could have just stayed until after the meal imo. She’s the one who started the scene getting up to go while everyone was seated for the meal.

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