DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

I think it was very rude to leave before the meal was finished.

I wonder what pressure the B&G were put under to have far out relations there in the first place.
I mean really how many people attend cousins one gen removed or second cousins wedding?

It's clear you DD just didn't want to be there and for meal and drinks that was probably £100 a head is very rude. I think the bed for 8.15 is bullshit - I'd guess she had an evening planned with pals. And I bet that's what MIL was thinking too.

MIL shouldn't have caused a scene.
Your dd shouldn't have left when she did.

90 minute drive so she left at 6.45 to get home by 8.15 because she has to get up at 6.30am.

Your MIL's rude but your dd's incredibly precious. Why on earth couldn't she have stayed until 9.30, got home at 11, 30 minutes to prep for the morning, 6.5 hours sleep. I would have been deeply embarrassed if my dd ever did what your dd did.

How old your daughter? My mum has more energy than her and she's 87!.

Do posters actually believe the DD went home early to sleep or do you think she was meeting pals / bf ?

I'm sorry but rude as anything to leave in the meal. Cmon you say she had to get home for 8ish to sort stuff for work next morning which could have been done before the wedding. If you had said much later then fair enough but 8ish really?

Leaving in the middle of the meal is rude.

She could easily have stayed another hour and still been home in time to get the recommended 8 hours sleep.

Hmm, I'm on the fence here because although your relatives showed tbeir disproval, they should have let it lie....however, let's assume the meal didn't run late (they usually do) I fo think it's rather rude to eat your meal ghen leave. I get that she had an early start the next day but the normal thing to do would be to either suck it up and be a little tired the next day, or book AL/change shifts. I guess it depends how important it was to your daughter. I think it's bad etiquette to eat and leave.

Was MIL drunk? If not, I assume a complete drama queen. Does she normally make a ridiculous fuss about nothing?

Best just ignore it, shut down any ongoing conversation about it, and assume she'd had one too many.

Yes, they were both a little rude. More so your mil. Probably your dd should have only attended the ceremony, but I guess she did hope to spend some time at the celebration with bride & groom. Hope b&g are fine with it, that's all that really matters.

That’s extremely rude leaving part way through the meal, the couple will have paid for that as well.
It wasn’t even late when she left, she should of waited until after the meal.

Another one who thinks MIL shouldn't have caused a scene, but also it was rude to leave the wedding so early. I'm almost 64 and wouldn't have to be home early to get up for work. Actually, I get up at 6.30 most mornings, and don't go to bed until 10.30 - 11 pm, sometimes later, and it wouldn't worry me what time I got home from a wedding.

Your DD’s pretext for leaving early was weak, so I see why that might be seen as bit rude. But, as everyone else has said, your MiL’s behaviour was quite appalling. Even if it was appropriate for her to take offense on the bride and groom’s behalf and try to do something about it (it wasn’t), that wouldn’t have been the way to do.

Personally 8 is quite early to leave ans she probably should have stayed a bit longer, but it's also not that much of a big deal to make a thing about.

I'm astounded that your DD left a wedding at 8pm just because she had an early start at work the next day.

Back in the day, I'd've pulled an all-nighter, got steaming drunk and then gone straight into work. Surely one of the benefits of youth is your ability to get away with such things?

Perhaps your MIL couldn't believe that your DD is such a Lightweight?

Seriously, your DD should've stayed for the meal and the toast and then left. No need to leave so early.

They shouldn't have got weird about it, I assume they had drink taken and that's why they lost it. If she needed to go then she needed to go.

As a side issue @Safarigiraffe Do you think she has some issues around food or is she trying to lose weight, so she skipped the main to avoid having to eat more calorific food? My sister does things like that, invents reasons she can't stay for dessert etc.

I mean, the reasons my sister goes might be kind of true, but I'm sure she's also glad on the calories front. Which is kind of a shame.

Maybe your DH could push his bedtime routine back an hour or so on a special occasion

If you can’t be considerate of the bride and groom on their wedding day when they shelled out for your dinner - don’t accept the invite.

maybe your MIL thought your H escorting dd to the car wasn’t enough of an escort. Why did your H need to go with your DD to the car park? Presumably the wedding venue was very safe - would she have got lost by herself?

your DD was very rude btw.

Everyone was unreasonable. DD in no way needed to leave to get home at 8.15 for a 6.30 start. If she had aimed to get home at 11.45 then that would have been understandable. Next time DD needs to decline invites if she's going to leave so early. No idea why the family made a scene though, clearly it's better to have just one person be rude rather than compound the issue with people running around shouting about it.

Depends as OP not clear.

If the DD needed to catch last train out at that time in order to get home for the night then YANBU. It would be extremely poor form for your family to berate her.

If the DD could get home (drive, other safe form of transport at that time), and just wanted to be home early simply because they had work the next day then YABVU. Unless there is some sort of physical disability someone should be quite capable of having the odd late night and starting work early the next day, and i say that as someone who generally ran on little to no sleep and was literally responsible for peoples lives as part of my job when working. In this case it would be extremely poor form of the DD for leaving early and people will have a ho as a consequence.

Should have clarified either way, it was poor form of your family to cause a scene. If it was the case DD was being unreasonable for needing to leave early unnecessarily they should have quietly bitched to each other without causing obviious drama😁.

Your in laws reacted oddly.

but your daughter was also being a bit odd! Her reason for leaving so early doesn’t ring true and leaving before eating a meal that had already been paid for for her is rude.

I don’t believe her story - and assume she had other plans that evening. I assume that’s what everyone else thought.

so everyone was rude - your in laws and your daughter

I love all the “but the meal cost money!” posts. It costs the same amount whether DD stayed to eat it or whether she left, it’s irrelevant.

Your MIL sounds like a loon, OP.

Agree with everyone who said 6 isn’t that early and it wouldn’t have hurt I don’t think to stay til the end of the meal. I’m sure the couple paid for her main and wedding meals per head can be very expensive. I can’t imagine telling caterers to only do a starter for one guest. I don’t think our caterers would have allowed it either. I wouldn’t have got involved like your in laws but I would have thought it a bit much on your DD’s part. If I was the couple, I’d have rathered her leave before the wedding breakfast if not after the whole meal was possible.