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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

1000 replies

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:07

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

OP posts:
Lightningrain · 30/05/2023 06:35

I also think your daughter was rude. If the meal was still going on at midnight fair enough but that was very early to leave for a 6:30am start (normal time to get up for lots of people who I’m sure don’t ensure that they’re home and in bed by 9pm every work night). For a young, presumably fit and healthy person it seems OTT.

She should have at least stayed for her main course and I don’t think MIL was in the wrong for trying to get her to stay.

You expect loss of sleep for a one off such as a wedding but if you can’t live with that you should decline the invitation. It sounds like she just didn’t want to be there.

Soontobe60 · 30/05/2023 06:41

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:14

Its more the way that it became a massive issue which resulted in MIL running after her causing a scene

Presumably everyone else was sat in the room waiting for their meal, not on the car park watching MIL trying to persuade your DD (who was very rude leaving so early BTW) to stay. Your DD was the one who caused the scene. If she only had to be up at 6.30 am I’d say she could have left much later, arriving home by midnight. She sounds precious!

IhearyouClemFandango · 30/05/2023 06:41

unfortunateevents · 29/05/2023 23:49

I think most people still don't understand why your daughter needed to be home by 8:30 for a 6:30 am wake up. Does it take her hours to get ready for bed? I think particularly for one night and for an occasion like a wedding she could have made an effort and at least stayed for the main course. I'm sure the bride and groom won't be hugely happy at having paid for a presumably expensive meal for someone who didn't eat it.

I agree

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 06:43

The B&G might have said its OK but actually I bet they are raging that a second cousin who they were probably talked into inviting left during the meal.

I don't believe she was going home to bed I bet she had arrangements with pals. And they will be raging that a space went to a second cousin that couldn't give a toss that could have gone to a friend.

Newname211 · 30/05/2023 06:43

6:30am isn’t even an early rise for work; I thought you were going to say she had to get up at 4am or something. 6:30 is a completely normal time to rise for work.

I think it’s extremely rude to leave a pre-paid meal early for something that could be foreseen. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding that the food was served on schedule.

And I don’t know any adult who feels like 8:30pm is late to get home. Even my toddler can cope with staying up til then.

Team mother in law. And just because bride and groom didn’t give this much headspace on their wedding day doesn’t mean they aren’t going to talk about how rude your daughter was for years to come 😂

Soontobe60 · 30/05/2023 06:44

Coralsunset · 30/05/2023 06:17

I suspect this would have gone unnoticed if DH hadn’t had to “walk DD to the car park” at 8pm when it’s still light. Where was this wedding!!!

If she had to leave early, and had cleared with B and G who were fine with it, it does sound like MIL was interfering.

OP says she got home at 8 / 8.15 AFTER a journey of 1 1/2 hours - so she left at 6.30!

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 06:47

I can't believe I'm the only person who thinks she had other plans, ie meeting pals or bed (with the bf in an empty house)

silverfullmoon · 30/05/2023 06:48

And just because bride and groom didn’t give this much headspace on their wedding day doesn’t mean they aren’t going to talk about how rude your daughter was for years to come 😂

THIS. Of course the bride and groom arent going to start a bun fight about it at their own wedding. Sure, they seemed "fine" with it because they probably didnt want to make a public scene but in reality, they are probably quite pissed off. I would be if I was them. Why did she bother coming if she knew she had to leave so early for "work" (I suspect that wasnt the genuine reason). That space could have been given to someone else, who actually wanted to stay for the meal!

silverfullmoon · 30/05/2023 06:49

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 06:47

I can't believe I'm the only person who thinks she had other plans, ie meeting pals or bed (with the bf in an empty house)

I think this too!!!

greenacrylicpaint · 30/05/2023 06:51

your dd needs to learn to 'slink away' in situations like that.

and whoever finds this early: a 6 am start means getting up at 5am the latest. even earlier depending on commute.

SlippySarah · 30/05/2023 06:52

We should all be free to come and go as we please at events like this. I was at a wedding recently where a couple left half way through dinner because the wife was tired and they had a bit of a journey. No one hassled them. I once made up an excuse to leave a wedding early as I was in early pregnancy and was fed up with all the boozy shouting. Its Absolutely no one else's business what your DD wants to do with her evening.

realityhack · 30/05/2023 06:53

and whoever finds this early: a 6 am start means getting up at 5am the latest. even earlier depending on commute

OP said she has to get up at 6.30, not she has to be at work at 6.30.

FernGully43 · 30/05/2023 06:53

You're avoiding the comments asking why she had to leave so early? Bizarre going home for 8 when she's up at 630.. That's a pretty normal wake up time for some. I think it was rude leaving so early in the middle of the meal

musixa · 30/05/2023 06:55

I'm on your DD's side. The food was already an hour late - I imagine she saw a vision of the evening stretching endlessly ahead of her, coupled with the thought of having to get up at 6:30am and being tired all the next day, and sensibly, in my view, decided to go. She'd (presumably) been there for the important bit where they got married.

The meal is a sunk cost - makes no difference whether it's eaten or not. Would they be angry if someone left their meal because they didn't like it?

If the B&G are upset with anyone, it should be the caterers for letting the meal get so behind (or whoever's fault it was that things went significantly off-schedule).

coronation2023 · 30/05/2023 06:55

I'm intrigued why she had to leave so early

TheKobayashiMaru · 30/05/2023 06:56

Your MIL was rude to make such a fuss but so was your DD to leave in the middle of the meal. Very early time to be getting home even for a 6:30am start.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 30/05/2023 06:57

What is it about weddings that makes people so irrational and hysterical.

SlippySarah · 30/05/2023 06:57

Once the meal is paid for it makes no difference to the B&G whether your DD eats it or not. I expect they were happy to have her there to see them get married. I can't believe people think they will care one jot if one person chipped off a bit early, it hardly impacts on their day at all.

LolaSmiles · 30/05/2023 06:58

MIL shouldn't have gone out after her, but DD was being rude and/or precious in my opinion. 6.30am is a normal wake up time for a work day, so she should have had the meal and then sloped off.

Leaving around 6.30 in the middle of a meal so that she can be home for 8/8.15 suggests she has possibly made other plans for the evening.

rookiemere · 30/05/2023 06:58

DD was a little rude - I like to get enough sleep myself, also don't like eating super late - but neither of those things would have been impacted much by her scooting off as soon as she had finished dessert, instead of after starter.

MIL was very rude though, kicking up a stink about what time a guest chooses to leave is very poor form, but perhaps she was stressed by the delay to dinner being served.

peacelemon · 30/05/2023 06:59

Yeah they ruined it not your Dd

SlippySarah · 30/05/2023 06:59

SilverGlitterBaubles · 30/05/2023 06:57

What is it about weddings that makes people so irrational and hysterical.

Absolutely this. The mumsnet rules of weddings are completely crackpot. It's like a parallel universe.

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 06:59

@musixa it definitely does make a difference if the food was eaten or not.
They probably are wishing they had invited a friend or someone else instead. It shows the DD couldn't give a toss about the B&G.

Viviennemary · 30/05/2023 07:00

I think that's quite rude. Leaving before the food (which is paid for) is pretty bad. No wonder the mil was furious.

febrezeme · 30/05/2023 07:00

Yeah I thinking's ridiculously rude

She's a grown ass adult and poor baby can't have a late night past 10pm because she has to get up at the ungodly hour of 630am!!!

Yeah I'd be pissed if she upped and left mid meal

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