Page 34 | DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

Safarigiraffe · 2023-05-29T22:07:20+00:00

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work) So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 20:02

Pottedpalm · 30/05/2023 19:59

DS got married recently. Over 100 guests. Number of no-shows on the day - zero.
Number of wasted meals-zero.
Because our families and friends have manners.

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Only 100? Well I suppose on a small scale you got lucky and no DNA

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 20:03

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 20:01

Because the Op has other threads, one going on about a boyfriend overstaying his welcome in her house being there 7 days a week dawn till dusk and their is a comment somewhere about the DD trying to get the BF on a family holiday with the Op paying.

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Right, thank you, it’s only my second day here and I thought I had missed something on this thread. I guess previous form doesn’t cast her in the best light, but still think this whole thing has been blown rather out of proportion.

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 20:03

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 20:01

That’s your own dictat,fortunately the B&G had no such rule and knew she was leaving early
There is literally no rule that states stay whole duration of a wedding or don’t attend. There will Parents returning to their children and others who will drift away throughout the course of the wedding and it’s permissible

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Where does it say the B&G knew she was leaving early other than when she walked up to them in the middle of the meal to say good bye?

They may have appear to say its OK but really I bet they were pissed off

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 20:04

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 20:03

Where does it say the B&G knew she was leaving early other than when she walked up to them in the middle of the meal to say good bye?

They may have appear to say its OK but really I bet they were pissed off

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You bet?prove it then…

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 20:07

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 20:03

Right, thank you, it’s only my second day here and I thought I had missed something on this thread. I guess previous form doesn’t cast her in the best light, but still think this whole thing has been blown rather out of proportion.

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There is probably a back story of someone pressuring the B&G to invite loads of cousins and cousins kids. Then it becomes really embarrassing when someone you've asked to be invited walking out before the night has begun.

UsingChangeofName · 30/05/2023 20:08

Obnoxious behaviour from your DD but you enabled it OP. I can't believe you think it's ok to have the wedding couple foot the bill for a meal she didn't even stay for. Next time politely decline with lots of notice so they can invite another guest or save on the cost of her meal.

This.
If I have inferred right ? Your dd was driving herself ? So it's not like she had to go then or miss the only train of the day?
She behaved appallingly.
It does sound, from your description when trying to get people on side your MiL didn't respond well, but perhaps she couldn't believe how rude your dd was being.

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 20:11

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 20:07

There is probably a back story of someone pressuring the B&G to invite loads of cousins and cousins kids. Then it becomes really embarrassing when someone you've asked to be invited walking out before the night has begun.

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I think the lack of further context or response from the OP isn’t helping. I’ll stand by my original response, managing expectations earlier on would have prevented all of this.

Aslanplustwo · 30/05/2023 20:17

Iwasafool · 30/05/2023 10:23

You do realise that not everyone is the same? If she knows she needs to be home because she needs her sleep do you think it would be responsible for her to stay late and cause and accident?

I don't really know what you being older has to do with it but personally I need less sleep now than I did when I was a teenager but again we aren't all the same are we.

Currently I've been up for 4 hours, done two loads of washing, watered front and back garden (hose pipe ban so carrying cans of water) sorted out the recycling as it is bin day, prepared breakfast and had a sit down and look at the internet. Teenage grandchildren, aged between 15 and 18, are still in bed. Shock horror teenagers like their sleep.

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I have never met anyone, of any age, who can't have ONE late night and get up for work the next day. You are being totally and utterly ridiculous - and no, I don't need any less sleep than I did when I was young. Even teens can manage one late night now and again.

Stop making excuses for this woman who has no social graces, or manners, or her mother who apparently hasn't bothered to teach her either!

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 30/05/2023 20:18

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 18:33

@UnshakenNeedsStirring if I’m tired or stayed too late at an event it’s potentially catastrophic and has potentially significant adverse outcomes. It’s potentially a serious event with significant life or death risks. I lead a team and I’m the senior so No I can’t just stretch the night before to accommodate a wedding meal and eat some wedding food

Is OP daughter in a senior role though? We dont know what she does!

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 20:19

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/05/2023 19:13

@Sandylanes69

Why do I have to be a sockpuppet?

The amount of focus that goes into weddings is absolutely nuts. Utterly disproportionate.

I think the DD is sensible to get away from it and focus on her job.

@Thepeopleversuswork

lol do you really think OP left so early to go sit and home and ‘focus on her job’? Do you think she just sat there for a couple of hours thinking about it and then went to bed? Haha

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 30/05/2023 20:20

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 20:02

Only 100? Well I suppose on a small scale you got lucky and no DNA

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100 guests isnt a small wedding? It costs around 75 quid to feed one person a meal for a wedding. Decent People usually would have manners and not shit on another persons special day.

Purplefoalfoot · 30/05/2023 20:20

DD was extremely rude to leave before the meal had been served when the couple had spent money on it! Why on earth did she need to be home by 8pm to go to work at 6.30? I think it’s terrible manners and quite frankly bonkers.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 20:21

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 20:02

Only 100? Well I suppose on a small scale you got lucky and no DNA

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@Zone2NorthLondon

i cannot ever imagine accepting a wedding invitation and then just not showing up on the day. Probably cos I am not a rude person.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 20:28

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 18:45

Rude for sticking to her pre-agreed plan which B&G we’re fine with. I don’t think so
Manners isn’t defined by making yourself late and disrupting your plans because the catering went awry
Rude would be the expectation that one is inconvenienced to accommodate someone else churlish request

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@Zone2NorthLondon

making herself late for what exactly ? Her 8pm bedtime? She is not a baby, she doesn’t need 10 hours sleep

Frabbits · 30/05/2023 20:32

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 20:03

Right, thank you, it’s only my second day here and I thought I had missed something on this thread. I guess previous form doesn’t cast her in the best light, but still think this whole thing has been blown rather out of proportion.

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Mumsnet can blow literally everything out of proportion. 35 pages on what is a complete non-issue with posters coming up with increasingly ridiculous reasons as to why the daughter decided to leave when the truth is she probably just had a bit of washing/prep/whatever to do and so wanted to be home at a reasonable hour.

Entertaining thread though.

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 20:33

Frabbits · 30/05/2023 20:32

Mumsnet can blow literally everything out of proportion. 35 pages on what is a complete non-issue with posters coming up with increasingly ridiculous reasons as to why the daughter decided to leave when the truth is she probably just had a bit of washing/prep/whatever to do and so wanted to be home at a reasonable hour.

Entertaining thread though.

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Definitely entertaining. Some people have a future in fiction writing too!

Stripedbag101 · 30/05/2023 20:33

This is hysterical. From OP’s previous posts this young lady has form. I bet she was bored and wanted to spend time with her boyfriend in an empty house.

It is unusual for a healthy young woman to need to be home and getting ready for bed at 8pm so she can get up at 6:30am. I am 45, get up at 6am and have a full on work day. I’m not home until after 7pm - in bed normally for 10:30pm but can in occasion stay up till the early hours. Most friends and colleagues my age are similar

Aslanplustwo · 30/05/2023 20:35

GrinAndVomit · 30/05/2023 12:16

They must have been having a really rubbish time if they were bored enough to notice one person leave and be so affected by it.
They sound awful.

Er no, OP's DD is the awful one. Honestly, so many people on this thread seem to have no social graces, or manners. It's not the fact that she left, more the fact that the bride and groom wasted money on a meal for a distant relative, when they could have had someone closer to them there in her place. What world are some of you living in? Oh, I forgot, "healthy boundaries" (i.e. selfish).

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 20:36

Frabbits · 30/05/2023 20:32

Mumsnet can blow literally everything out of proportion. 35 pages on what is a complete non-issue with posters coming up with increasingly ridiculous reasons as to why the daughter decided to leave when the truth is she probably just had a bit of washing/prep/whatever to do and so wanted to be home at a reasonable hour.

Entertaining thread though.

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@Frabbits

no reasonable person leaves a family wedding mid way through the meal to get home at 8pm to do “a bit of washing”

sorry, just doesn’t happen

she was meeting her mates in a pub or going home to make full use of an empty house with her BF

Frabbits · 30/05/2023 20:39

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 20:36

@Frabbits

no reasonable person leaves a family wedding mid way through the meal to get home at 8pm to do “a bit of washing”

sorry, just doesn’t happen

she was meeting her mates in a pub or going home to make full use of an empty house with her BF

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The point still remains though that you have no fucking idea though, do you?

She wanted to leave at a certain time, she did so. And that's literally the entire story.

Aslanplustwo · 30/05/2023 20:44

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 18:36

Her early departure isn’t the issue,as B&G were ok with it
Issue is the disproportionate response from the in-laws

Obviously B&G know what good manners are, of course they are not going to make a fuss at their own wedding. Did you expect them to scream and shout, is that what you would have done?

There are some very strange people on MN, with very strange ideas.

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 20:44

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 30/05/2023 20:18

Is OP daughter in a senior role though? We dont know what she does!

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She's not going to that that much of a senior role at 19 (from another thread)

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 20:47

Aslanplustwo · 30/05/2023 20:44

Obviously B&G know what good manners are, of course they are not going to make a fuss at their own wedding. Did you expect them to scream and shout, is that what you would have done?

There are some very strange people on MN, with very strange ideas.

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I’ll give you full marks for attempting provocation, your goading is basic though
Did you expect them to scream and shout, is that what you would have done? ⬅️basic, try harder

MargotBamborough · 30/05/2023 20:48

Frabbits · 30/05/2023 20:39

The point still remains though that you have no fucking idea though, do you?

She wanted to leave at a certain time, she did so. And that's literally the entire story.

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If you organised a birthday meal in a restaurant for your friends and family and had paid for everyone's meal in advance, and someone showed up, had a drink, ate their starter and then left before the main course because they had decided they had somewhere else to be (whether that somewhere else was in bed, at another party or with their boyfriend), wouldn't you be a bit miffed?

Especially if the circumstances were known about well in advance.

She had to get up at 6:30. Lights out at 10:30 would have given her a full eight hours of shut eye.

She will probably have spent half an hour making herself something to eat at home and eating it, which means leaving before the expensive dinner was served will have saved her zero time.

She's a brat.

GrinAndVomit · 30/05/2023 20:49

Aslanplustwo · 30/05/2023 20:35

Er no, OP's DD is the awful one. Honestly, so many people on this thread seem to have no social graces, or manners. It's not the fact that she left, more the fact that the bride and groom wasted money on a meal for a distant relative, when they could have had someone closer to them there in her place. What world are some of you living in? Oh, I forgot, "healthy boundaries" (i.e. selfish).

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I wouldn’t have cared about one guest leaving early from my wedding. In fact, my bridesmaid (a child) left early because her mum had an event the next day but only told me the night before. I couldn’t have cared less.
I would have cared about another guest chasing after that guest, arguing with other guests and causing a scene and a feelings of tension.
In my opinion, that’s awful.