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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

1000 replies

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:07

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 30/05/2023 19:13

@Sandylanes69

Why do I have to be a sockpuppet?

The amount of focus that goes into weddings is absolutely nuts. Utterly disproportionate.

I think the DD is sensible to get away from it and focus on her job.

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 19:17

MargotBamborough · 30/05/2023 19:07

Because he does this all the time. This is what he is like generally. I was very surprised when they said he was coming in the first place, and not surprised when he ended up not coming. I think they should have been more realistic.

Chicken pox isn't comparable, it's a virus and obviously you don't want to infect people at a wedding.

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Well there wasn’t any way of telling from your post that this was a regular occurrence. I was drawing the comparison between on-the-day illness.

Hersetta427 · 30/05/2023 19:19

Lets not get distracted by the fact the food was a bit delayed (as it always is at weddings in my experience). It meant the DD left an hour later than she had planned (so she had wanted to leave at 5-5.30 !!).

She wanted to get home and shag her boyfriend whilst her parent were out. If she wanted to do that so badly she should have declined the invitation, saved the family a bit of money and spent all day with him instead.

1offnamechange · 30/05/2023 19:37

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 18:06

When you work an early it’s the mental & physical preparation. Getting ready, any prep you need to do prior to work, thinking about the work day ahead. Multiple posters querying why the girl left early,couldn’t she just stay longer,it was rude to leave etc. Certainly I prepare for an early and it is mental demanding and I understand why she left promptly

The catering was delayed by an hour serving meals (that’s not the girl fault and doesn’t compel her to stay later)

She had already notified the Bride & Groom of early planned departure

The in-laws are boorish,overbearing and a bit crackers to have such an over the top reaction.

Over the years I have missed events & dos inc weddings etc because of shift work or on call and I have also used it to my advantage and pretended to be working or on call so I did not have to attend events I don’t want to attend. Work is a great excuse for declining events I don’t fancy ( PTA, School do, boring events ) and no one can argue with it. Priceless really

why does 'an early' need any more mental/physical preparation, getting ready, prep or "thinking" (lol you were really stretching by that point weren't you!) than a shift starting at any other time? Why is it more mentally demanding than any other shift? I thought it was pretty much universally accepted that most people find nights much harder?
Do people on late shifts magically not need to prepare for work?

SerafinasGoose · 30/05/2023 19:38

Sandylanes69 · 30/05/2023 19:10

You have got to be a sockpuppet.

Show quote history

Don't be so ridiculous.

mydogisthebest · 30/05/2023 19:38

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 18:45

Rude for sticking to her pre-agreed plan which B&G we’re fine with. I don’t think so
Manners isn’t defined by making yourself late and disrupting your plans because the catering went awry
Rude would be the expectation that one is inconvenienced to accommodate someone else churlish request

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Where has OP talked about a pre-agreed plan? Pretty sure she hasn't.

The bride and groom may have seemed fine with it but they were hardly likely to tell her if they weren't and I bet they weren't

GrinAndVomit · 30/05/2023 19:40

mydogisthebest · 30/05/2023 19:38

Where has OP talked about a pre-agreed plan? Pretty sure she hasn't.

The bride and groom may have seemed fine with it but they were hardly likely to tell her if they weren't and I bet they weren't

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Well, I know me and my husband would not have given the tiniest of shits. So it’s possible this bride and groom don’t either.

Frabbits · 30/05/2023 19:41

LittleBearPad · 30/05/2023 17:43

It was rude.

If you can’t see that, there’s little hope for you.

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And yet ironically the only one coming across as rude here is you.

SerafinasGoose · 30/05/2023 19:43

The in-laws are boorish, overbearing and a bit crackers to have such an over the top reaction.

As is Mumsnet. But this is a parallel universe when it comes to the store set by weddings. And DH's cousin's son's wedding (ie. OP's DD's second cousin) at that. How many people actually know their second cousins? Had DD not taken her polite leave and/or her granny/uncle kicked up such a fuss, they probably wouldn't even have noticed she'd gone.

A good wedding thread can make for a very entertaining read, even so!

mydogisthebest · 30/05/2023 19:43

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 18:25

Completely agree,there will be no shows on the day and uneaten meals
There is a wilful lack of reasonableness from some posters to understand she had pressing work commitments

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What "pressing work commitments" did she have? How have you read that from OP's post? We don't even know what she does for a job.

She had to get up at 6.30am, that's not even that early. Why exactly would she need to be home by 8.30pm which is 10 hours before she had to get up?

Hyppogriff · 30/05/2023 19:47

I do think it’s a bit odd to leave that early half way through food - that is plain rude. Also she didn’t have to get up that early - sounds like she couldn’t be arsed to stay for the rest of dinner. Sorry she was unreasonable

(obvious overreaction also on the other person but still rude).

mydogisthebest · 30/05/2023 19:47

GrinAndVomit · 30/05/2023 19:40

Well, I know me and my husband would not have given the tiniest of shits. So it’s possible this bride and groom don’t either.

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Well you may not have been bothered but many would. I would have thought what an ignorant, rude girl she was but then I have manners and would not walk out of a wedding before the main meal was served in order to get home at 8.30

SerafinasGoose · 30/05/2023 19:48

mydogisthebest · 30/05/2023 19:43

What "pressing work commitments" did she have? How have you read that from OP's post? We don't even know what she does for a job.

She had to get up at 6.30am, that's not even that early. Why exactly would she need to be home by 8.30pm which is 10 hours before she had to get up?

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What, why, how indeed? And whose business exactly is it? This woman doesn't need to make intricate excuses to anyone. Things didn't go according exactly to plan, she politely took her leave. The B&G, who are VERY distantly related to her, apparently don't care. Why MN should be piecemeal dissecting possible excuses and reasons which weren't even made, and making up the rest - well that's unfathomable, but that's a MN wedding thread ....

Presumably the DD wasn't attending the wedding under sufferance. Things happen. Delays happen. Life happens.

This is really no big deal. It would have continued to be no big deal, had OP's in-laws not unceremoniously made it into one.

Don't sweat the small stuff. B&G evidently don't.

Dammitthisisshit · 30/05/2023 19:48

Not on to leave just into the meal.
if she couldn’t make the event she should have declined the invitation.

GrinAndVomit · 30/05/2023 19:51

mydogisthebest · 30/05/2023 19:47

Well you may not have been bothered but many would. I would have thought what an ignorant, rude girl she was but then I have manners and would not walk out of a wedding before the main meal was served in order to get home at 8.30

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I would have thought “her loss” and continued having the best night of life. People come in all forms, eh?

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 19:52

mydogisthebest · 30/05/2023 19:43

What "pressing work commitments" did she have? How have you read that from OP's post? We don't even know what she does for a job.

She had to get up at 6.30am, that's not even that early. Why exactly would she need to be home by 8.30pm which is 10 hours before she had to get up?

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It was pressing and compelling enough that she left early. She was not hanging about
Doesn’t matter what her role is, she considered on balance that she needed. To leave early,and she did
She was considerate in that she notified B&G of her early departure and they were reported to be unperturbed

so,no the girl wasn’t rude, she simply maintained Her prearranged schedule

MargotBamborough · 30/05/2023 19:53

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 19:52

It was pressing and compelling enough that she left early. She was not hanging about
Doesn’t matter what her role is, she considered on balance that she needed. To leave early,and she did
She was considerate in that she notified B&G of her early departure and they were reported to be unperturbed

so,no the girl wasn’t rude, she simply maintained Her prearranged schedule

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As others have pointed out, she probably just wanted to shag her boyfriend.

Frabbits · 30/05/2023 19:53

Dammitthisisshit · 30/05/2023 19:48

Not on to leave just into the meal.
if she couldn’t make the event she should have declined the invitation.

If b&g wanted her to stay to the end of the meal they should have fed her on time.

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 19:55

Kind of hoping DD did get a bloody good shag now after all this kerfuffle…

Why do people keep bringing up an issue of a boyfriend which wasn’t referred to by the OP?

Just as well there is a worldwide shortage of building materials at the moment as otherwise I think a Mumsnet gallows would be under construction…

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 19:57

SerafinasGoose · 30/05/2023 19:43

The in-laws are boorish, overbearing and a bit crackers to have such an over the top reaction.

As is Mumsnet. But this is a parallel universe when it comes to the store set by weddings. And DH's cousin's son's wedding (ie. OP's DD's second cousin) at that. How many people actually know their second cousins? Had DD not taken her polite leave and/or her granny/uncle kicked up such a fuss, they probably wouldn't even have noticed she'd gone.

A good wedding thread can make for a very entertaining read, even so!

I agree mumsnet is a parallel and quirky world that demands a peculiar set of manners not adhered to in RL. Only on Mumsnet are such inconsequential events a big drama. And I love it, it’s a peep at a world I don’t inhabit anf frankly I’m agog

MargotBamborough · 30/05/2023 19:57

Frabbits · 30/05/2023 19:53

If b&g wanted her to stay to the end of the meal they should have fed her on time.

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Yes, I remember on my wedding day my husband donned an apron and I got out my stopwatch and stood in the kitchen shouting, "TABLE 2, SEVEN BEEF, ONE VEGETARIAN, WE ARE RUNNING THREE MINUTES LATE, PEOPLE, GO GO GO!"

Pottedpalm · 30/05/2023 19:59

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 18:25

Completely agree,there will be no shows on the day and uneaten meals
There is a wilful lack of reasonableness from some posters to understand she had pressing work commitments

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DS got married recently. Over 100 guests. Number of no-shows on the day - zero.
Number of wasted meals-zero.
Because our families and friends have manners.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 20:00

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/05/2023 19:06

The preciousness and control freakery over weddings never ceases to amaze me, it’s a wedding. A job is more important than a wedding. People need to get a grip. I’m staggered by how many people here seem to think weddings trump every other consideration.

@Thepeopleversuswork

do you think OP’s daughter would get the sack if she doesn’t get 10.5 hours sleep every night?

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/05/2023 20:01

Dammitthisisshit · 30/05/2023 19:48

Not on to leave just into the meal.
if she couldn’t make the event she should have declined the invitation.

That’s your own dictat,fortunately the B&G had no such rule and knew she was leaving early
There is literally no rule that states stay whole duration of a wedding or don’t attend. There will Parents returning to their children and others who will drift away throughout the course of the wedding and it’s permissible

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 20:01

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 19:55

Kind of hoping DD did get a bloody good shag now after all this kerfuffle…

Why do people keep bringing up an issue of a boyfriend which wasn’t referred to by the OP?

Just as well there is a worldwide shortage of building materials at the moment as otherwise I think a Mumsnet gallows would be under construction…

Because the Op has other threads, one going on about a boyfriend overstaying his welcome in her house being there 7 days a week dawn till dusk and their is a comment somewhere about the DD trying to get the BF on a family holiday with the Op paying.

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